Late Night Rant....

Brace yourself people...this one is about my mother.

It's been awhile since I've blogged about my mother. Anyone that knows my mother, knows she's a friendly person and a funny person. They like her and think she's great (with the exception of a few of her students). What I say to them is, "that's cause she's not your mom."

My mother is depressed. She is unhappy with SO many things in her life. And it's getting to the point where I think she is unhappy that I am SO happy with my life and she doesn't like that I'm not miserable when she's miserable. I can't stand it. She overreacted to something I said tonight. She asked me about Netty and if she had a boyfriend. [Netty has had a boyfriend for over a year now]. And I simply said, "yeah, for over a year now." And apparently the way I said it was mean.

I CAN NOT WIN! I don't understand her reactions or her childishness.

She wants to play the martyr card ALL THE TIME and I just can't deal with it. She complains about her weight and her life but just sits at home and eats in front of the tv. She's upset that she has to get her knees replaced, but she doesn't look at the fact that she's not dying! She's upset that our grandparents (her parents) are getting older and are too stubborn to put themselves in a nursing facility, but she still goes over to the house because "if I didn't no one else would". I call bullshit on all of it.

Now I'm not saying I'm not sympathetic to all of it - I completely am. I am sorry for her that she has to get new knees. I am sorry that she isn't happy. But how is this something that is supposed to make me sad? I can not let her bring me down. I can not let her pull me in. My life is MY LIFE. Her life is HER LIFE. If that makes me sound selfish, so be it. I can not continue to live my life based on whether or not my mother is happy. I have to make myself happy first, then worry about everyone else.

She cries at the drop of a hat. Like. NO JOKE. I can not take it. I can not keep living in a house like this....."THIS IS A HOUSE OF LIES!!!" (haha who gets that movie reference? anyone?....ELEVEN!!)

Am I being insensitive? Is this wrong? Like - I'm being rational here...right?