Saturday, July 9, 2011

More Tales from my 20's

So in two days I'll be the big 3-0! Woot! Last night was a good friend's birthday and I joined her and her friends down in the 'yunk for some drinks. She turned 25.

I remember 25. Not that long ago...but five years goes quickly! I remember being able to go out at 10PM til 2-3AM, then rallying the next morning to do it all over again the next night (which she did on Friday for last night). I also remember that being a very BRIEF moment in my life when I was able to do that....probably for about a week in grad school :-) haha!

As I looked around last night, I realized I've learned so much about my ability to drink and what my limits are. There was a time when I would go out and get SO drunk that I wouldn't remember parts of the night. Again, very brief period of time but still, it happened. It was an interesting experience. Was I drinking? You bet. Did I feel the need to get drunk? Not at all. It was her birthday and although I was offered several shots, I turned them down. There are a few reasons as to why, which I'll get into in a moment - but really - I was perfectly content with drinking my 2.5 beers, having some funny conversations, and randomly bumping into a co-worker/friend of my bestest Jacks, and meeting one of my mom's co-workers (hilariously all he could say was - "your mom always carries around that water jug of hers"...which is so true, if you know my mother).

Last night I realized how GLAD I am to be on the cusp of my 30's. While I was heading out at 9pm, I could've easily just changed into my pj's and gone to bed - but I'm still at the point where I can go out if I want. I was pretty tired though so the fact that I rallied to go out until 1 is impressive (at least, for me). I also realized - I'm going to be drinking ALL DAY on Sunday. Pacing is key (yes, I realize Sunday is two days away from Friday but I know me and my body's ability to recover and I KNEW I wanted to run today - soooooo - I was good. Plus, I drove. I learned my lesson back in May....so I was good.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Tales from the Last week of my 20's

Here it is - one week left in my 20's. Yay!

One of my friends seems to think that I've been complaining about turning 30 (cough:paul:cough).....understand, I'm not. I actually just can't believe I'm turning 30.....I don't know why it makes me feel weird. I have plenty of friends who are already 30 or about to turn 30. Some handled it better than others. One of my friends had this idea that he wanted to be in Australia when he turned 30 - which did not come to fruition but he still had a great birthday celebration regardless.

So here I am - on the morning of July 4th, thinking about all the amazing and stupid and fun and silly things I did in my 20's. "they" (whoever they are) say that your 20's are the time to figure things out and your 30's is where it's at. Well I say, BRING IT ON :-) I'm determined to have my 30's 'rock me Amadeus'!

So what kinds of things am I talking about? Well today is your lucky day because you're about to get a glimpse of SOME of them - let's be serious, I can't give away all my secrets ;-)

I've made PLENTY of mistakes with guys. Some of the most memorable include the way I hurt the guys who truly cared about me (i.e. TJ and Pat) or the ones I fell for after hanging out for ONE evening (i.e. Dave). Silly Katie. Taking the wrong side of situations (i.e. Allan) and standing up for the wrong people. Staying together with someone for too long (i.e. Derek) or for the wrong reasons (i.e. Ben). Forgetting that the main source of my happiness has to come from me and not from the validation of a guy. It's only taken me 10 years to figure that out! Hah! I've also had PLENTY of fun with guys. A lot of these memories also include the guys mentioned already. Regardless of the ups and downs, I wouldn't trade any of the moments - well okay maybe one or two.....but I've learned SO much about who I am and what I want. My friend Lacey tells me I'm picky - I think I just know myself really well. So...thanks guys!

Life lessons:
In grad school at CMU I was living with three other people in a townhouse and for some reason thought that I'd get a bill each month for rent. So after about four months of nothing I realized I should probably go down to the rental office and talk to them. Turned out I owed for four months of rent (of course I did! I didn't pay it!) and panicked because I didn't have that money to pay for it all at once. What I later learned was to never let your bills pile up. It was the ONLY time I ever let something like that happen and hated the way it felt. It'll never happen again. Now, if I have bills, they get paid off right away....and I avoid using credit cards if possible.

My first real job out of grad school taught me SO much about myself and about what I'm willing to put up with. If it's a job you truly like, the bad days aren't typically that bad (i.e. my job with TGC). If it becomes a job you know you hate going to every day - GET OUT AS SOON AS YOU CAN! My job at 9and10 was my first foray into the television industry and while I don't believe it's a completely accurate representation of what it's like to work in TV, it certainly prepared me in so MANY ways for what I was about to get myself into in Florida. The first two months at 9and10 were tough but I kept telling myself that it would pass - that Kevin didn't really hate me and that I would eventually get the swing of things as a news producer. A few months after that, not so much. A lot of bad things happened in the world that first summer I worked there. In news you MUST grow a thick skin in order to survive. I just couldn't get the hang of it....maybe that's why I was so inclined to work in sports. With each day that passed and each mistake I made and each call into Kevins office I realize that that job wasn't for me. I realized I was not cut out to be a News Producer. Who knew I'd have to go to a more laid back job to grow thick skin whereas in an intense job like the one at 9and10 I was SO sensitive that I found myself crying every night and every morning after and before work (respectively). It was THAT bad for me. I stayed in that job for 7 months....probably 3 months too long but I promised Kevin that I'd stay until he found a replacement for me. So as he dragged his feet on finding someone, I got anxious as to what I was going to do afterwards...but after my last day of work there the rest was history. I ended up working in television (even though I thought I didn't want to do that) but in a MUCH different environment. I originally thought I was going to go back to school to get a teaching certification - and, well, it just took me 3 years before I actually did it :-) So now you know that the teaching certification was ALWAYS the plan, I just had a little detour :-)

My travels/life to Orlando was probably one of the SMARTEST things I could've ever done for myself. I was essentially starting over and had to figure out my life away from my family and friends. It took me about a year to break out of my little shell (of course I was traveling a TON so I didn't have a lot of opportunity to meet new people) but eventually I made some amazing friends whom I love and miss dearly with each moment that passes. They STILL beg me to move back down there....I won't dismiss the option but it won't be happening any time soon (if it does happen). In Orlando I realized how resilient I could be and how things would just come to me if I opened myself up to possibilities. Trish was and still is a HUGE factor as to the reason why all of that happened. I can honestly sit here and tell you that my life is different because I met her. It's hard to explain unless you know her but she just - she's awesome. (I'm so pumped she's coming up for my birthday!) Thanks to her unique perspective on life I was able to learn that sometimes life is shitty and sometimes life is amazing. When life is shitty - sometimes watching a movie where things blow up cures what ails you. When life is fabulous - celebrating with friends and enjoying each others' company is the accompaniment. She helped me move beyond the former self that I was and actually made me realize that who I was in the past (i.e. college) does not have to determine the outcome to my life or the present either. I only wish that everyone had a Trish in their life.

The latter part of my 20's - moving home - was and is a test of patience and resiliency(again). Living at home is a BIG test - especially if you've lived on your own for a long time. I have friends that definitely know the experience and can relate. Every situation is different. The only real complaint (despite evidence to the contrary on this blog) is that I don't have my own real space and the only way for me to get it is to make myself SO busy that I am out of the house ALL the time. Don't get me wrong, busy is good - and when I first moved home, I wasn't busy so I was going nuts. Now - I'm SO busy that I rarely have a break. Did I mention that I haven't learned to balance yet? haha. No, I truly AM working on it. But I digress.....living at home has proved beneficial in several ways - financially it's paramount. Had I decided to live on my own I wouldn't have the ability to do pretty much anything because all of my money would go to rent/groceries/etc. I am grateful that my mom would be okay with me living at home forever (even though she knows that that would never happen) but the fact that the option to go back home is always there - is - well - nice. I am hoping to move out at some point soon. We'll see how plausible that is.

I'm sure as the week goes on I'll have more tidbits - but these are major ones.

7 days. :-)

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Best of What's Around

Hey my friend
It seems your eyes are troubled
Care to share your time with me
Would you say you're feeling low and so
A good idea would be to get it off your mind

See you and me
Have a better time than most can dream
Have it better than the best
So we can pull on through
Whatever tears at us
Whatever holds us down
And if nothing can be done
We'll make the best of what's around

Turns out not where but who you're with
That really matters
And hurts not much when you're around
And if you hold on tight
To what you think is your thing
You may find you're missing all the rest

Well she ran up into the light surprised
Her arms are open
Her mind's eye is

Seeing things from a
Better side than most can dream
On a clearer road I feel
Oh you could say she's safe
Whatever tears at her
Whatever holds her down
And if nothing can be done
She'll make the best of what's around

Turns out not where but what you think
That really matters
We'll make the best of what's around~DMB

A little Dave this morning - it's by far one of my favorites of theirs. I'm currently reading a biography of theirs of sorts. It's written by a fan with mainly accounts from other fans. It's fabulous. With every sentence I read, it reaffirms my love and passion for a band that meant and still means so much to me. Dave Matthews Band was the majority of the music I listened to in high school and college. It used to drive my roommate Netty nuts but she respected it and even started to sing a few of the songs. My affinity for these guys only grew with each live show I attended. It was, as several people in the book say, an experience. The sound, music, lyrics, everything was exactly what I needed to hear at a time in my life when some things weren't always great.

Some of my favorite songs include but are not limited to:
Album: Remember Two Things
Song: Ants Marching
Fave Lyric: "She thinks, we look at each other
Wondering what the other is thinking
But we never say a thing
These crimes between us grow deeper"

Album: Remember Two Things
Song: Recently
Fave Lyric: "People stare and we just ignore
What's the use in hiding out
She says all the time
Let their eyes do the worrying about"

Album: Remember Two Things
Song: Seek Up
Fave Lyric: "Forget about the reasons and
the treasons we are seeking
Forget about the notion that
our emotions can be swept away
Intentions are not wicked, don't be tricked into thinking so
And soon we will all find our lives swept away"

Album: Under the Table and Dreaming
Song: Best of What's Around
Fave Lyric: "Turns out not where but who you're with
That really matters
And hurts not much when you're around"

Album: Under the Table and Dreaming
Song: Dancing Nancies
Fave Lyric: "What's the use in worrying, what's the use in hurrying
Turn, turn we almost become dizzy
I am who I am who I am who am I
Requesting some enlightenment
Could I have been anyone other than me?"

Album: Under the Table and Dreaming
Song: Warehouse
Fave Lyric: "And here is it
Life goes on, end of tunnel, tv set
Spot in the middle
State fade, statistical bit
And soon I'll fade away, I'll fade away
This I admit
Taste so good, hard to believe an end to it"

Album: Crash
Song: So Much To Say
Fave Lyric: "I find sometimes it's easy to be myself
Sometimes I find it's better to be somebody else"

Album: Crash
Song: Two Step
Fave Lyric: "Celebrate we will
Because life is short but sweet for certain
We're climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue
These things we cannot change"

Album: Crash
Song: #41
Fave Lyric: "I will go in this way
And find my own way out"
*If you've ever gotten an email from me - you now know which song this quote comes from :-)

Album: Crash
Song: Lie in Our Graves
Fave Lyric: "Would you not like to be
Sitting on top of the world with
Your legs hanging free
Would you not like to be ok, ok, ok?"

Album: Before These Crowded Streets
Song: Rapunzel
Fave Lyric: "For you I would crawl
Through the darkest dungeon
Climb the castle wall
If you are my Rapunzel
You let your hair down
Right in through your window
Good they locked the door
I do my best for you
I think the world of you
All of my heart I do
Blood through my veins for you
You alone have all of me
I give my world to you
To you I will be true"

Album: Before These Crowded Streets
Song: The Stone
Fave Lyric: "I was just wondering if you'd come along
Hold up my head when my head won't hold on
I'll do the same if the same's what you want"

Album: Before These Crowded Streets
Song: Pig
Fave Lyric: "Love love what more is there
We need the light of love in here
Don't beat your head
Dry your eyes
Let the love in there
There are bad times
But that's ok
Just look for love in it
Don't burn the day away"

Album: Everyday
Song: The Space Between
Fave Lyric: "The Space Between
The tears we cry
Is the laughter keeps us coming back for more"

Album: Everyday
Song: Everyday
Fave Lyric: "Pick me up, oh, from the bottom
Up to the top, love, everyday
Pay no mind to taunts or advances
I take my chances on everyday"

Album: Lillywhite Sessions (aka Busted Stuff)
Song: Grey Street
Fave Lyric: The whole song! (I always thought this song was about me)

Album: Lillywhite Sessions
Song: Where are You Going?
Fave Lyric: "Where are you going?
Where do you go?
Are you looking for answers
To questions under the stars?
Well, if along the way
You are grown weary
You can rest with me until
A brighter day and you're okay"

Album: Lillywhite Sessions
Song: Grace is Gone
Fave Lyric: "One drink to remember, then another to forget
How could I ever dream to find sweet love like you again
One drink to remember, and another to forget"

Album: Stand Up
Song: Louisiana Bayou
Fave Lyric: "Oh it's a shame to lose your way running wild
It's a shame to lose the light that shines (shame shame)
Oh it's a shame to lose your way as a child"

Album: Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King
Song: Shake Me Like a Monkey
Fave Lyric: "Do you know what it is
To feel the light of love inside you?
And all the darkness falls away
If you feel the way I feel
Then believe we have the answer
I've been searching for tonight"

Album: Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King
Song: Why I Am
Fave Lyric:"Its the lose and the win of the world
Wrong and right, us and them of the world
It's the you and the me of the world
Only one way out of the world"

Album: Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King
Song:Alligator Pie
Fave Lyric: "All the things we know and
Everything we hoped for
All the things we wanted"

Album: Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King
Song: You and Me
Fave Lyric: "You and I, we're not tied to the ground
Not falling but rising like rolling around
Eyes closed above the rooftops
Eyes closed, we're gonna spin through the stars
Our arms wide as the sky
We gonna ride the blue all the way to the end of the world
To the end of the world"

Additional solo albums by Dave with some of my fave songs:
Album: Some Devil
Song: Gravedigger
Fave Lyric: "Cyrus Jones 1810 to 1913
Made his great granchildren believe
You could live to a hundred and three
A hundred and three is forever when you're just a little kid
So Cyrus Jones lived forever"

Album: Some Devil
Song: Stay or Leave
Fave Lyric: "Stay or leave
I want you not to go
But you should
It was good as good goes
Stay or leave
I want you not to go
But you did"

ANNNNNND now I'm finished :-) If you read all of them - congrats! Just a few faves. Keep in mind, I remember mostly ALL of the lyrics from all of is songs. Yup. I <3 DMB big time :-)