Anyone familiar with a Catholic Mass knows that the phrase in my subject line is one that is said regularly. Today is no different than any other day for some people. But today. For me. Regardless of the other stuff I have to do. Is going to be a tough one.
I write this now (at 6:08am) because I won't have a chance to get it all out later. I won't be able to cry. I won't be able to show emotion. I will have to be happy all day.
I'm leaving shortly to take my English Praxis (of which I haven't been able to study for all week...see previous posts for explanation). Shortly thereafter I have to head over to PSC for "B" Champs. It's basically a swim championship all day. I've been scheduled for late shift but I'm going to try and get there early so I can leave early. We'll see how that works out. If it's anything like the way the week has gone, I'm not going to have any luck with it. After that, I'd tell you where I was going but for fear of someone that isn't supposed to know, I won't mention it. Just know I have something to do.
So why the sadness?
A year ago this morning (well, technically it was a Friday but today is the actual date), I was sitting at the exact same computer I'm typing this at and Corrine (Glenn's girlfriend) came into our house....
"Hey Corrine, what's up?" (my mom and sister are both sitting on our couch adjacent to the computer)
"Hey guys....um....(huge pause and tears rolling down her face)....Rachel and Troy. They're. Rachel and Troy are dead."
You can imagine the disbelief and fear we all had when we heard this. Of course this wasn't a joke. Not because Corrine wasn't a jokester but you know, you just don't kid about this kind of stuff. It was then that I realized my world would be topsy turvy for a few weeks.
I remember the rest of that weekend vividly. I remember doing anything and everything I could to not think about it. I eventually broke down and called Josh. He let me cry. He let me talk. He just let me be. The memories of that day will always be with me. I can not believe it has been a year. I just can not even fathom how quickly the year has gone.
In an effort to try and remain positive (so I am not balling my eyes out during my test or later today), I want to share two favorite memories I have with Rachel and Troy (respectively).
I believe it was my 12th or 13th birthday...maybe younger...either way - we have video of it so I'll be able to double check later. I was having a party at my house (as I usually did) and a bunch of my friends decided to have a dance contest. I didn't have a partner (weird, right? it was my birthday after all) and Rachel was hanging out at my party. So she and I teamed up and we danced to Paula Abdul's "Straight Up". Haha - we kind of planned the dance. We kind of decided to wing it. But it was then that I realized that she and I would be friends for a long time. I have so many more memories with her - but this is one of my favorites. She and I were always goofy together. She and I were very similar. I miss her more than I let on. I just don't want to upset people. Yesterday morning I was at PSC and a hummingbird (yes, a hummingbird) flew right up to me and hovered for a few seconds...and then flew away. It was her. I know it. I just know it. And the butterfly that finished my 5K with me....definitely her too.
I have this amazing memory of my times with Troy. One of my favorites was one of the last ones before he died. My mom had bought him a small moonbounce that we could set up really easily in our front yard. He was playing on it...and he asked me to join in with him. So I did. I started (playfully) throwing him up and kind of pretending to WWE style slam him into the cushions. It wasn't in away he'd get hurt. All fun. I was holding him the whole time. But he loved it. And kept asking for more. We would play with the pillows in our front room. He loved to sit in the red chair I always sit in at my house. He was such an inspiration and fighter. Most people didn't know he was born a micro-premie. Basically when he was born he was less than 2lbs. 1lb 12 oz. He fought to survive and boy he did. That little boy had one of the best personalities ever. I miss seeing his face in our house. I miss having him come in to the house and say, "Katie...c'mon! Let's go!" with no idea where we were going. He just wanted to have fun.
It's amazing how fast a year goes. Just amazing.
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