It's like learning to fly...or falling in love...
I heart that song - really truly deeply.
Anyway - I've been really in a meme mood lately - so here's some more stuff to know me better. Not that y'all don't already - I mean - the only people that read this are the friends I trust enough to read it:-)
"Hi. I'm Katie."
High School? College? Working?
I currently work as a freelancer in the television industry. My steady Permalance job is at the golf channel where I do a variety of things - but basically consider myself a preditor (producer/editor)
What do you want to be if you're not already working as it?
A college professor or a mental health counselor. I really like helping people.
Relationship with your parents?
I have an exception relationshp with my dad. We talk almost every day. My mom - yeah - it has its moments where it's strained but she knows I love her and she knows where we stand. Most of the times.
Any kids?
Nope - but some day - definitely. I think I want 4.
Brothers or sisters?
I have an older sister. She's a closed captioner. I heart her very much and can not wait til she moves to Orlando!
Any pets?
nope - but Deuce and Maya live in the house I am at....so they're my adopted pets:-)
Dating anyone at the moment?
A few guys - keeping my options open
Religion, do ya dig it?
I do now more so than I ever did before. I was raised Catholic but have since found a Unity church that teaches spiritual enhancement and improvement of self. I love it. And no, it's not a cult.
Something everyone loves that you hate:
Joe Buck. If you watched the world series - you understand what I'm talking about.
Something everyone hates that you love:
I don't know that they hate it - but most people don't like Soccer - and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!
Something a lot of people are into you're indifferent about:
I will go with what my sister said - The Election.
Something different about your online self and your real life self?
Hrmm...I think my online self explains things much better than my real self does.
What are or were you teased about most in high school? Or are you the one doing the teasing?
I don't ever remember being teased in school. I think because I was so involved in a variety of groups - there wasn't one thing that made me stick out. I never teased other people though....I never wanted people to do it to me so I didn't to them. I do remember, however, being teased about my name - but I think they were just being more endearing...for example...friends used to say, "Katherine" or "Mary Katherine Gallagher" - because I hated when people didn't call me Katie. I still don't like it very much.
The Additional Stuff:
QUESTIONS:
01. What's the last TV show you saw?
Sportscenter this morning - and The Office last night
02. What are you wearing at the moment?
Jeans, My Phillies Shirt, and flipflops
03. Favorite Song of the Moment?
One Step at a Time - Jordin Sparks, and So What? - P!nk
04. What is your favorite scent?
Moonlight Path - Bath and Body Works
05. What's your occupation? What do you do there?
Freelance Producer - Golf Channel
06. What do you drink the most?
Water. Wine. Beer
07. What is your favorite restaurant?
Wazzabi. MMMMMMM sushi!
08. What will you be doing after finishing this?
starting work for the day
09. What did you want to be when you grew up?
A marine biologist. I was OBSESSED with sharks!
10. Your favorite romantic movie?
hrmm...this is tough...I have quite a few. Jerry Maguire? Probably because it combines sports and romance. And ya gotta have sports:-)
11. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
No one tagged me but I stole it from my seeeestar - and I heart her more than she'll ever know
12. What's the least favorite thing about yourself?
I wish I had more confidence sometimes
13. What are your ideal qualities in a novel?
Humor. Interesting Story - preferrably something real or based on a true story. Soemthing that involves sports and music
14. What time do you usually go to bed?
10ish - very rarely later than 10:30
15. What's the meaning behind your LJ username/name/nicknames you go by?
cfcbluesgirl? I think it says it call! cfc - chelsea football club, blues - chelsea's nickname are "the blues", girl - me:-)
Friday, October 31, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Hey my friend it seems your eyes are troubled, care to share your time with me?
Dave's always a good pick me up in the morning. Not that I need a pick me up - but this week is definitely not as good as last week. And rightly so - I don't know many things that can trump the week I had last week. It kind of started last Friday with all the shennanigans (if you could even call it that). Something was just off. I had a fantastic week up until that point. I dont know how else to explain it.
This week - you might be asking - what's wrong with this week? Well - to start - the Phillies game that was supposed to be Game 5 on Monday for the World Series (and the final game) was "called" due to rain - but there are still three and half more innings to play. That being said - they're supposed to finish the game today (it was supposed to be yesterday but it was literally snowing at home yesterday) so here's hoping that they get it in.
What else? Well, as great as it is that one of the guys I'm seeing called me not only Sunday and Monday (albeit very late at night), we had made plans to hang out yesterday but because it was cold - I asked if we could do something else and he kind of bailed on me - including later in the evening - and when he asked for a raincheck I was like - ok sure - so I suggested a day to hang out - and he said he couldn't. I don't know what else to do. So - I'm not leaving it up to me any more. It's in his hands - the ball is in his court.
Continuing on - another guy I'm supposed to hang out with tonight - is sick - and I totally understand wanting to postponed hanging out until another time when he's feeling better - I agree. I'm actually not feeling too hot myself. But after the situation from the previous paragraph and now this - I'm like - do none of these guys want to hang out with me?! Seriously.
Last night I had to do something really difficult for me and for a friend. I have a friend that's kind of gotten caught up in a lifestyle that is detrimental to his health and his life. Me and a few close friends had an "intervention" (for lack of a better word) and despite us getting it all out - he was not very receptive to it. I am extremely worried about him...as we all are. The only plus that came with it was that an old friend and I got a chance to tell each other how much we missed each other. ::sigh:: I do miss him a lot.
------------------------------------------------------------------
But enough of the debbie downer stuff! I was reading Hot Thick Chick this morning and noticed a meme that she had on her page...so I decided to do one of my own:-) Happy reading!
10 Years Ago (1998):
1. I was in my Senior year of High School and at this point in the year, already knew where I was going to college in the Spring - Albright! Senior Year was a blast! Some times I wish I could go back to then:-)
2. I had a white 1988 Nissan Maxima. Trust me - it was not as flashy as it sounds!
3. I STILL had the biggest crush on Derek Drechsel - but continued to be his best friend anyway.
4. Earlier that year, I had my first series of boyfriends - Matt, Mike, Joe, Anthony....I'm not gonna lie...for as much drama as there was....it was nice to know that I would no longer be the girl who thought she'd never have a boyfriend:-)
5. My Grandparents celebrated their 50th Wedding anniversary.
5 Things on Today’s “To Do” List:
1. Run no less than 8 miles
2. Meet up with Matt for dinner (hopefully)
3. Continue to work on this Recap at work
4. Call the Montgomery County Election Commission to find out why I still don't have my absentee ballot.
5. Watch the Phillies WIN THE WORLD SERIES! (pending the game isn't postponed again)
5 Things that I would do if I were a millionaire:
1. Pay off any debts of mine or any of my family - if I could.
2. Buy a house.
3. Invest a portion of it....and save it for future.
4. Take a nice long trip around the world - for at least two months!
5. Buy a personal trainer
5 Places I have lived:
1. Plymouth Meeting, PA
2. Reading, PA
3. Philadelphia, PA
4. Mt. Pleasant, MI
5. Orlando, FL
5 Jobs I have had:
1. I was a lifeguard for three summers from the end of my Sophomore year of HS to the end of my Senior year......one of the BEST jobs ever.
2. Au pair/Babysitter for my cousins for a few summers.
3. Television News Producer - worst job I've ever had - but learned SO much about myself, what I wanted for my life and about my abilities.
4. I worked as an office assistant for a few summers at different places - one was for a Financial Planner and the other was for a guy who ran his own audio business out of his basement. Two entirely different jobs but totally awesome experiences.
5. Preditor - current job - freelance producer and editor - I get to do something different every day. I love it!
(I'm adding my own five things)
5 Things You'd Like to do in the next 5 years:
1. Go back to school and get another degree
2. Travel to Australia, All over Europe and portions of the Far East
3. Get married (of course I can't just make this happen)
4. Buy a House.
5. If number three happens - have at least one kid.
This week - you might be asking - what's wrong with this week? Well - to start - the Phillies game that was supposed to be Game 5 on Monday for the World Series (and the final game) was "called" due to rain - but there are still three and half more innings to play. That being said - they're supposed to finish the game today (it was supposed to be yesterday but it was literally snowing at home yesterday) so here's hoping that they get it in.
What else? Well, as great as it is that one of the guys I'm seeing called me not only Sunday and Monday (albeit very late at night), we had made plans to hang out yesterday but because it was cold - I asked if we could do something else and he kind of bailed on me - including later in the evening - and when he asked for a raincheck I was like - ok sure - so I suggested a day to hang out - and he said he couldn't. I don't know what else to do. So - I'm not leaving it up to me any more. It's in his hands - the ball is in his court.
Continuing on - another guy I'm supposed to hang out with tonight - is sick - and I totally understand wanting to postponed hanging out until another time when he's feeling better - I agree. I'm actually not feeling too hot myself. But after the situation from the previous paragraph and now this - I'm like - do none of these guys want to hang out with me?! Seriously.
Last night I had to do something really difficult for me and for a friend. I have a friend that's kind of gotten caught up in a lifestyle that is detrimental to his health and his life. Me and a few close friends had an "intervention" (for lack of a better word) and despite us getting it all out - he was not very receptive to it. I am extremely worried about him...as we all are. The only plus that came with it was that an old friend and I got a chance to tell each other how much we missed each other. ::sigh:: I do miss him a lot.
------------------------------------------------------------------
But enough of the debbie downer stuff! I was reading Hot Thick Chick this morning and noticed a meme that she had on her page...so I decided to do one of my own:-) Happy reading!
10 Years Ago (1998):
1. I was in my Senior year of High School and at this point in the year, already knew where I was going to college in the Spring - Albright! Senior Year was a blast! Some times I wish I could go back to then:-)
2. I had a white 1988 Nissan Maxima. Trust me - it was not as flashy as it sounds!
3. I STILL had the biggest crush on Derek Drechsel - but continued to be his best friend anyway.
4. Earlier that year, I had my first series of boyfriends - Matt, Mike, Joe, Anthony....I'm not gonna lie...for as much drama as there was....it was nice to know that I would no longer be the girl who thought she'd never have a boyfriend:-)
5. My Grandparents celebrated their 50th Wedding anniversary.
5 Things on Today’s “To Do” List:
1. Run no less than 8 miles
2. Meet up with Matt for dinner (hopefully)
3. Continue to work on this Recap at work
4. Call the Montgomery County Election Commission to find out why I still don't have my absentee ballot.
5. Watch the Phillies WIN THE WORLD SERIES! (pending the game isn't postponed again)
5 Things that I would do if I were a millionaire:
1. Pay off any debts of mine or any of my family - if I could.
2. Buy a house.
3. Invest a portion of it....and save it for future.
4. Take a nice long trip around the world - for at least two months!
5. Buy a personal trainer
5 Places I have lived:
1. Plymouth Meeting, PA
2. Reading, PA
3. Philadelphia, PA
4. Mt. Pleasant, MI
5. Orlando, FL
5 Jobs I have had:
1. I was a lifeguard for three summers from the end of my Sophomore year of HS to the end of my Senior year......one of the BEST jobs ever.
2. Au pair/Babysitter for my cousins for a few summers.
3. Television News Producer - worst job I've ever had - but learned SO much about myself, what I wanted for my life and about my abilities.
4. I worked as an office assistant for a few summers at different places - one was for a Financial Planner and the other was for a guy who ran his own audio business out of his basement. Two entirely different jobs but totally awesome experiences.
5. Preditor - current job - freelance producer and editor - I get to do something different every day. I love it!
(I'm adding my own five things)
5 Things You'd Like to do in the next 5 years:
1. Go back to school and get another degree
2. Travel to Australia, All over Europe and portions of the Far East
3. Get married (of course I can't just make this happen)
4. Buy a House.
5. If number three happens - have at least one kid.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
I Go Back.....
"Jack and Diane" painted a picture of my life and my dreams,
Suddenly this crazy world made more sense to me
Well I heard it today and I couldn't help but sing along
Cause everytime I hear that song...
I go back to a two toned short bed Chevy
Drivin my first love out to the levvy
Livin life with no sense of time
And I go back to the feel of a fifty yard line
A blanket, a girl, some raspberry wine
Wishin time would stop right in its tracks
Everytime I hear that song, I go back
I used to rock all night long to "Keep On Rockin Me Baby"
Frat parties, college bars, just tryin to impress the ladies
I heard it today and I couldn't help but sing along
Cause everytime I hear that song....
I go back to the smell of an old gym floor
The taste of salt on the Carolina shore
After graduation and drinkin goodbye to friends
And I go back to watchin summer fade to fall
Growin up too fast and I do recall
Wishin time would stop right in its tracks
Everytime I hear that song, I go back, I go back
We all have a song that somehow stamped our lives
Takes us to another place and time
So I go back to a pew,preacher, and a choir
Singin bout God, brimstone, and fire
And the smell of Sunday chicken after church
And I go back to the loss of a real good friend
And the sixteen summers I shared with him
Now "Only The Good Die Young" stops me in my tracks
Everytime I hear that song,
I go back....
To the feel of a fifty yard line
A blanket, a girl, some raspberry wine
I go back....
To watchin summer fade to fall
Growin up too fast and I do recall...
I go back....
To the loss of a real good friend
And the sixteen summers I shared with him...
I go back... I go back... I go back
~Kenny Chesney
___________
We've all had that song - that just reminds of that certain place in time....haven't we?
Right now - there's a weird situation going on in my life that has been bothering me for a year now and has been awkward for nearly three years. I know I've talked about it a bit before - but the basic idea is that one of my closest friends from college and guy I used to date - is no longer my friend. And while that seems normal because as we all know - we can't always remain close with exes or friends - it's kind of weird this time around.
To put it simply - I have a friend who is no longer really a friend because his girlfriend doesn't like me. She game him an ultimatum and he chose her - rightfully so. I suppose.
The thing that bothers me at the moment is that we have a mutual college friend in town and all of a sudden - this "friend" wants to hang out with me. While that's all well and good - it's just like - NO. You don't suddenly get to decide that we can all hang out when its convenient for you. For one weekend out of 52 in a year - just because a friend is here - that doesn't make everything alright and ok. You haven't attempted to be my friend all year - why start now?
I've got this whole speech in my head - which I'll most likely never tell anyone....but I have written him a letter....that I never sent. I just want him to be happy. As hard as the reminder is every day (we work at the same place) to see him and know that we have these awesome memories - I struggle to see the real reason I should continue to try and let him in my life. He clearly can't figure a way to balance her and me - and ok. Not everyone can - but really - I am not about to just jump when he tells me that it's ok to.
And so the song really just reminded me of all the songs I remember when he and I hung out or during college and things that reminded me of him. I'll always care about him deeply. He came into my life at a certain time that I needed him and I will forever be grateful.
I just can't do it anymore.
Suddenly this crazy world made more sense to me
Well I heard it today and I couldn't help but sing along
Cause everytime I hear that song...
I go back to a two toned short bed Chevy
Drivin my first love out to the levvy
Livin life with no sense of time
And I go back to the feel of a fifty yard line
A blanket, a girl, some raspberry wine
Wishin time would stop right in its tracks
Everytime I hear that song, I go back
I used to rock all night long to "Keep On Rockin Me Baby"
Frat parties, college bars, just tryin to impress the ladies
I heard it today and I couldn't help but sing along
Cause everytime I hear that song....
I go back to the smell of an old gym floor
The taste of salt on the Carolina shore
After graduation and drinkin goodbye to friends
And I go back to watchin summer fade to fall
Growin up too fast and I do recall
Wishin time would stop right in its tracks
Everytime I hear that song, I go back, I go back
We all have a song that somehow stamped our lives
Takes us to another place and time
So I go back to a pew,preacher, and a choir
Singin bout God, brimstone, and fire
And the smell of Sunday chicken after church
And I go back to the loss of a real good friend
And the sixteen summers I shared with him
Now "Only The Good Die Young" stops me in my tracks
Everytime I hear that song,
I go back....
To the feel of a fifty yard line
A blanket, a girl, some raspberry wine
I go back....
To watchin summer fade to fall
Growin up too fast and I do recall...
I go back....
To the loss of a real good friend
And the sixteen summers I shared with him...
I go back... I go back... I go back
~Kenny Chesney
___________
We've all had that song - that just reminds of that certain place in time....haven't we?
Right now - there's a weird situation going on in my life that has been bothering me for a year now and has been awkward for nearly three years. I know I've talked about it a bit before - but the basic idea is that one of my closest friends from college and guy I used to date - is no longer my friend. And while that seems normal because as we all know - we can't always remain close with exes or friends - it's kind of weird this time around.
To put it simply - I have a friend who is no longer really a friend because his girlfriend doesn't like me. She game him an ultimatum and he chose her - rightfully so. I suppose.
The thing that bothers me at the moment is that we have a mutual college friend in town and all of a sudden - this "friend" wants to hang out with me. While that's all well and good - it's just like - NO. You don't suddenly get to decide that we can all hang out when its convenient for you. For one weekend out of 52 in a year - just because a friend is here - that doesn't make everything alright and ok. You haven't attempted to be my friend all year - why start now?
I've got this whole speech in my head - which I'll most likely never tell anyone....but I have written him a letter....that I never sent. I just want him to be happy. As hard as the reminder is every day (we work at the same place) to see him and know that we have these awesome memories - I struggle to see the real reason I should continue to try and let him in my life. He clearly can't figure a way to balance her and me - and ok. Not everyone can - but really - I am not about to just jump when he tells me that it's ok to.
And so the song really just reminded me of all the songs I remember when he and I hung out or during college and things that reminded me of him. I'll always care about him deeply. He came into my life at a certain time that I needed him and I will forever be grateful.
I just can't do it anymore.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
So so what! I'm still a rock star...I got my rock moves...
And I don't need you..and guess what? I'm having more fun..and now that we're done...I'm gonna show you tonight...I'm alright...and it's fine...and you're a tool so...so what! I am a rock star. I got my rock moves and I don't want you tonight!
That's P!nk's new song. I love it. It gets me pumped for my runs. Speaking of which I didn't run today but I did go to the gym and spun for about an hour and a half. Felt good to sweat out the alcohol I drank last night at the game. Speaking of which....here's a pic from the game:
My dad flew down for the game - it was awesome and a once in a life time experience - and I will never forget it. AND THEY WON!
But so back to my song. Like I mentioned in previous posts - I am dating again. I'm kind of trying to go into this whole thing with the same attitude as the song....so what if it doesn't work out? I'm still a rock star:-) At least in my mind anyway. I'm a great girl - i've got a lot to offer. I will find someone some day.
Things are pretty good right now for me. I gotta say. Usually I have something to complain about - but not so much right now. I'm pretty happy - and honestly - it's about freakin' time:-) These things come in cycles - and thankfully I'm on the upswing of it and I'm having a good time. My friend Reagan is town this weekend and hopefully it'll be a good weekend. There have been a few changes on the front of the friendship with TJ - who knows what'll happen there. He actually asked me to hang out with all of them tomorrow night. I was shocked. I still kind of can't believe it. Maybe they'll change their minds. We'll see. I'll keep it updated as things go on this weekend.
I'm just really excited to see Reagan! I haven't seen him since January! It's been forever.
LET'S GO PHILLIES!!!!
That's P!nk's new song. I love it. It gets me pumped for my runs. Speaking of which I didn't run today but I did go to the gym and spun for about an hour and a half. Felt good to sweat out the alcohol I drank last night at the game. Speaking of which....here's a pic from the game:
My dad flew down for the game - it was awesome and a once in a life time experience - and I will never forget it. AND THEY WON!
But so back to my song. Like I mentioned in previous posts - I am dating again. I'm kind of trying to go into this whole thing with the same attitude as the song....so what if it doesn't work out? I'm still a rock star:-) At least in my mind anyway. I'm a great girl - i've got a lot to offer. I will find someone some day.
Things are pretty good right now for me. I gotta say. Usually I have something to complain about - but not so much right now. I'm pretty happy - and honestly - it's about freakin' time:-) These things come in cycles - and thankfully I'm on the upswing of it and I'm having a good time. My friend Reagan is town this weekend and hopefully it'll be a good weekend. There have been a few changes on the front of the friendship with TJ - who knows what'll happen there. He actually asked me to hang out with all of them tomorrow night. I was shocked. I still kind of can't believe it. Maybe they'll change their minds. We'll see. I'll keep it updated as things go on this weekend.
I'm just really excited to see Reagan! I haven't seen him since January! It's been forever.
LET'S GO PHILLIES!!!!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
I just takes some time...little girl...in the middle..
So I had the most AMAZING run today - I wanted to keep running but I figured not to overdo it all at once. I'll get up to the length of miles I need to run. Today was 8.5! Sunday was 7 - and I think the next time I run will be Saturday so I'll probably run 10 miles:-) and then do the same progression the following week.
Right now - I'm watching Sex and The City Movie. The scene where Big doesn't show up for the wedding just happened. I couldn't watch. I just. I know that feeling of not being able to breathe - of not knowing what I was going to do because the only person that I could see myself with - decided that wasn't going to happen.
For a while I've been trying to tell myself that I will be ok. I will find someone - no matter how much I don't believe it all the time.
I want to believe it - I really do - and I hope that its ok - I really hope I do find someone. I'm just - I worry about it a lot. I kind of want to really find someone - now. But I know I can't just rush into things. I know I don't want to settle for someone just because they're here right now. GAHHHHHH!
I need to freakin' chill the EF out!
Right now - I'm watching Sex and The City Movie. The scene where Big doesn't show up for the wedding just happened. I couldn't watch. I just. I know that feeling of not being able to breathe - of not knowing what I was going to do because the only person that I could see myself with - decided that wasn't going to happen.
For a while I've been trying to tell myself that I will be ok. I will find someone - no matter how much I don't believe it all the time.
I want to believe it - I really do - and I hope that its ok - I really hope I do find someone. I'm just - I worry about it a lot. I kind of want to really find someone - now. But I know I can't just rush into things. I know I don't want to settle for someone just because they're here right now. GAHHHHHH!
I need to freakin' chill the EF out!
Friday, October 17, 2008
Versions of My Former Self
I came across this on Sunday - and I reread it this morning. I have to say - I don't know if I necessarily agree with this all now - I started making it when I was 22 I believe (I'm pretty sure it was my first year of grad school. Looks like I need to add on to some more because it only goes up to last year....maybe for next post.
Let me know what you think....
Katie Version 1.0 = Age 0 to Age 16 - at this point in my life, i was still trying to figure out who I was...and even at 16 I didnt know, but once I got my license...everything changed
Katie Version 1.5 = Age 16 - Age 17 - my license opened my dull life of sitting home on the couch and complaining to having no friends...to a junior year of high school that allowed me to go to concerts almost three times a month down in philly and drive to places without the necessary parental drop-offs. Although there were some drawbacks such as a friend or two that used me, it was a slight change...plus, I finally had a series of boyfriends and some drama in my life, like a normal teenager
Katie Version 2.0 = Age 17 - Age 18 and one month - this basically encompassed my senior year of high school and was a major MAJOR change for me and my life. By the end of the year, I had my first serious boyfriend and was in love - weird, I know...but I had nothing but hopes and dreams to look forward to...until about August of this year and then my life went down the shitter...with the exception of going to Albright College at the end of the month....which leads me to my next version
Katie Version 3.0 = Age 18 - Age 19 - freshman and part of sophomore year of college....one of the best times of my life. I was single, young, and enjoying living with the BESTEST roommate ever! I redid the whole junior year drama shit and found that it was just not for me...too many guys..too many of them involved in the same things....(must remember to not date guys in the same frat and guys on the same swim team) - needless to say..by the end of the year, I was in love again but still the same happy-go-lucky katie that started the year off.
Katie Version 4.0 = Age 19 - Age 21 - this should probably be an entirely different version with an asterisk next to it because this was probably the time when I completely did a 180 - like going from a Mac to a PC and not knowing that you don't have to hold down the mouse button anymore to get to see the menu. This was the time of my self-destruction, depression, eating disorder, and all other crap that could go wrong, did. I transferred schools, found other avenues of depression and even found myself crying for no reason. It wasn't until the end of that that I was really changing. All while I had a boyfriend - amazingly we stayed together for that time. But even by my 21st Bday, although I was recovering, I still had those bad thoughts.
Katie Version 5.0 = Age 21 - Age 21 and 3/4 - my last year at LaSalle was by far the best. I was still in a relationship and was looking forward to an unknown future
Katie Version 5.5 = Age 21 and 3/4 - Age 22 and two months - My boyfriend and I broke up and I revisited the drama of my freshman year at Albright and Junior year at PW. I just pretty much went wild and had so much fun meeting new people. The people I met and hung out with during this time of my life are still my friends to this day. It was definitely worthwhile and I miss those days of two classes and beerpong/drinking at night...whew...what fun!!!
Katie Version 6.0 = Age 22 and two months - Age 23 - My first year at Central. The third college in six years. Grad school was something new and in a completely different place..it was unexpected....Michigan was nothing I had ever experienced before. And although I really liked it, it was different and the Katie that people met that year, was definitely a different girl. I was still trying to figure out who I was and getting over the breakup with my boyfriend. Getting used to being independent again and remembering what it was like to stand on my own two feet. A transitional year no doubt. Kind of like the year that people figured out which video game system they wanted - XboX or PS2....
Katie Version 7.0 = Age 23 - Age 23 and a half - My second year at Central and it has been nothing but a BLAST! Like Ryan said, this was the year of Katie Fitz...and it certainly has been. While there are no boyfriends to report of, some flings but none that lasted, I accomplished more in the fact that I have encountered so many people who have become the kind of friends I know I will have for a lifetime. I've done really well in school this semester and my attitude and even outlook on life has changed. I am more of who I used to be when I was a senior in high school, see Version 2.0, and remembering that I am gonna be okay. While there are still so many doubts and worries in my mind about what my future holds, I know that my friends and family will hold me up. If it weren't for them, I'd definitely be slipping back into Version 4.0 - and that certainly doesn't need to be revisited.
Katie Version 7.5 = Age 23 and a half to Age 24 - Last half of my second year at Central. I have to say - it definitely gave me a run for my money. Way too many things happened that I never want to revisit but I also ended up with a great person to call my best friend - despite our ups and downs. I met a lot of amazing people - and hell - I even graduated on time with a masters in hand. I got a job before school ended and I had a good summer. I got to see my mom a lot. Moved into a new apartment and living on my own.
Katie Version 8.0 = Age 24 to 24 1/2 - I am not all that happy with some of the choices Ive made. The only thing that is keeping me happy are the new people Ive met and my friends with their never ending support. I really couldn't do it without them. The highlights between the work weeks are the weekends where I find myself laughing more and enjoying the free time. I really miss my family - my sister. Some of my friends that I thought I had are no longer in the picture....and thats hard to swallow - no matter what way you look at it. I've kind of crept back into a hole of sorts when it comes to guys. I am no longer as upfront. My shyness is back - which is pretty evident when I'm in certain situations. But - I am hoping things will get better. I am happy to be living on my own though and doing my own thing.
Katie Version 8.2 = Age 24 1/2 to 24 and 8 months - In between the retardedness that was happening in my life (between the boys and men) I realized that I needed to do something for myself. I took control of a bad situation and took advantage of what was in front of me. At this point in my life I packed in what was a bad work/social/emotional environment for me and moved back home to face whatever would come my way. I literally felt like my whole life was ahead of me and I was leaving all the bad behind.
Katie Version 8.5 = same age as above - The one month that I was home, I pretty much got extremely depressed and gained a bunch of weight. This katie was not the katie that people know. This katie was completely different than any other katie and any other version. It is best not to delve too much into this katie as we do not need to remember this that much for we do not want to revisit this katie.
Katie Version 9.0 = Age 25 to Present (nearly 26) - in the last year, this Katie has changed in immeasurable ways. Things are starting to bother her less and she is starting to focus more on herself. She has left the past in the past and is even moving on from the person she used to hold on to....only allowing those positive qualities re-enter into her life and keeping the negative ones at bay. This katie is most likely the one to be held onto for quite some time. Its a very good thing :-)
Let me know what you think....
Katie Version 1.0 = Age 0 to Age 16 - at this point in my life, i was still trying to figure out who I was...and even at 16 I didnt know, but once I got my license...everything changed
Katie Version 1.5 = Age 16 - Age 17 - my license opened my dull life of sitting home on the couch and complaining to having no friends...to a junior year of high school that allowed me to go to concerts almost three times a month down in philly and drive to places without the necessary parental drop-offs. Although there were some drawbacks such as a friend or two that used me, it was a slight change...plus, I finally had a series of boyfriends and some drama in my life, like a normal teenager
Katie Version 2.0 = Age 17 - Age 18 and one month - this basically encompassed my senior year of high school and was a major MAJOR change for me and my life. By the end of the year, I had my first serious boyfriend and was in love - weird, I know...but I had nothing but hopes and dreams to look forward to...until about August of this year and then my life went down the shitter...with the exception of going to Albright College at the end of the month....which leads me to my next version
Katie Version 3.0 = Age 18 - Age 19 - freshman and part of sophomore year of college....one of the best times of my life. I was single, young, and enjoying living with the BESTEST roommate ever! I redid the whole junior year drama shit and found that it was just not for me...too many guys..too many of them involved in the same things....(must remember to not date guys in the same frat and guys on the same swim team) - needless to say..by the end of the year, I was in love again but still the same happy-go-lucky katie that started the year off.
Katie Version 4.0 = Age 19 - Age 21 - this should probably be an entirely different version with an asterisk next to it because this was probably the time when I completely did a 180 - like going from a Mac to a PC and not knowing that you don't have to hold down the mouse button anymore to get to see the menu. This was the time of my self-destruction, depression, eating disorder, and all other crap that could go wrong, did. I transferred schools, found other avenues of depression and even found myself crying for no reason. It wasn't until the end of that that I was really changing. All while I had a boyfriend - amazingly we stayed together for that time. But even by my 21st Bday, although I was recovering, I still had those bad thoughts.
Katie Version 5.0 = Age 21 - Age 21 and 3/4 - my last year at LaSalle was by far the best. I was still in a relationship and was looking forward to an unknown future
Katie Version 5.5 = Age 21 and 3/4 - Age 22 and two months - My boyfriend and I broke up and I revisited the drama of my freshman year at Albright and Junior year at PW. I just pretty much went wild and had so much fun meeting new people. The people I met and hung out with during this time of my life are still my friends to this day. It was definitely worthwhile and I miss those days of two classes and beerpong/drinking at night...whew...what fun!!!
Katie Version 6.0 = Age 22 and two months - Age 23 - My first year at Central. The third college in six years. Grad school was something new and in a completely different place..it was unexpected....Michigan was nothing I had ever experienced before. And although I really liked it, it was different and the Katie that people met that year, was definitely a different girl. I was still trying to figure out who I was and getting over the breakup with my boyfriend. Getting used to being independent again and remembering what it was like to stand on my own two feet. A transitional year no doubt. Kind of like the year that people figured out which video game system they wanted - XboX or PS2....
Katie Version 7.0 = Age 23 - Age 23 and a half - My second year at Central and it has been nothing but a BLAST! Like Ryan said, this was the year of Katie Fitz...and it certainly has been. While there are no boyfriends to report of, some flings but none that lasted, I accomplished more in the fact that I have encountered so many people who have become the kind of friends I know I will have for a lifetime. I've done really well in school this semester and my attitude and even outlook on life has changed. I am more of who I used to be when I was a senior in high school, see Version 2.0, and remembering that I am gonna be okay. While there are still so many doubts and worries in my mind about what my future holds, I know that my friends and family will hold me up. If it weren't for them, I'd definitely be slipping back into Version 4.0 - and that certainly doesn't need to be revisited.
Katie Version 7.5 = Age 23 and a half to Age 24 - Last half of my second year at Central. I have to say - it definitely gave me a run for my money. Way too many things happened that I never want to revisit but I also ended up with a great person to call my best friend - despite our ups and downs. I met a lot of amazing people - and hell - I even graduated on time with a masters in hand. I got a job before school ended and I had a good summer. I got to see my mom a lot. Moved into a new apartment and living on my own.
Katie Version 8.0 = Age 24 to 24 1/2 - I am not all that happy with some of the choices Ive made. The only thing that is keeping me happy are the new people Ive met and my friends with their never ending support. I really couldn't do it without them. The highlights between the work weeks are the weekends where I find myself laughing more and enjoying the free time. I really miss my family - my sister. Some of my friends that I thought I had are no longer in the picture....and thats hard to swallow - no matter what way you look at it. I've kind of crept back into a hole of sorts when it comes to guys. I am no longer as upfront. My shyness is back - which is pretty evident when I'm in certain situations. But - I am hoping things will get better. I am happy to be living on my own though and doing my own thing.
Katie Version 8.2 = Age 24 1/2 to 24 and 8 months - In between the retardedness that was happening in my life (between the boys and men) I realized that I needed to do something for myself. I took control of a bad situation and took advantage of what was in front of me. At this point in my life I packed in what was a bad work/social/emotional environment for me and moved back home to face whatever would come my way. I literally felt like my whole life was ahead of me and I was leaving all the bad behind.
Katie Version 8.5 = same age as above - The one month that I was home, I pretty much got extremely depressed and gained a bunch of weight. This katie was not the katie that people know. This katie was completely different than any other katie and any other version. It is best not to delve too much into this katie as we do not need to remember this that much for we do not want to revisit this katie.
Katie Version 9.0 = Age 25 to Present (nearly 26) - in the last year, this Katie has changed in immeasurable ways. Things are starting to bother her less and she is starting to focus more on herself. She has left the past in the past and is even moving on from the person she used to hold on to....only allowing those positive qualities re-enter into her life and keeping the negative ones at bay. This katie is most likely the one to be held onto for quite some time. Its a very good thing :-)
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
I was Sitting, Waiting, Wishing......
you believed in superstitions,
then maybe you'd see the signs.
But Lord knows that this world is cruel
And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool
Learning loving somebody don't make them love you
Must I always be waiting waiting on you?
Must I always be playing playing your fool?
.....Jack Johnson. Gotta love him. Now I realize this song has a particular (singular) person in mind....but lately - I've been trying to understand why I must always be waiting - "waiting on love". Granted - I haven't really put myself out there in the last few years - mainly because I wasn't entirely sure I was ready for it again. That being said - someone reading this who doesn't really know my past would probably think, "gee, what's wrong with her? What happened that made it so hard for her to trust herself to fall for someone else?" Yeah - well - I won't get into exactly who it was - but honestly - pinning it on someone else is a lame excuse - I prefer to say that it was me - because really - it was.
I was the one that wouldn't let others in. I was the one that couldn't see beyond what I had in front of me. I was the one that (in some odd way) still had hopes that things would change. I was also the one that believed that it would just...happen. You know? Like how they say it happens - when you're not looking for it?
I'm venturing into a new world for myself. I'm actually accepting dates with guys and going out with them. I know - amazing - not. I realize this is a normal thing for other girls - but as I was talking with my best friend yesterday - I think I'm just so into my own schedule (and I actually LIKE it) that I have a hard time giving it up for someone who I don't even know is worthy of my time - does that make sense? Like - I'm pretty much at the point in my life where I know what I want - what I want from a guy and what I want for myself with them. Some may see that as picky but I think it's just something I deserve.
Everyone has their "sob stories" so to speak - "I've had a hard life....I went through so much to get to this point....I can't believe I made it to where I am now" bleh bleh. And I don't mean to dismiss them in any way - but really the obstacles we overcome to get to the places we're at in life right now - make us who we are - and I truly believe they help us figure out more of who we are than anything or anyone else could. Yes - a guy broke my heart - but it was the way I overcame that and the way I decided I was going to live my life from that point forward. I have no one to "blame" or "applaud" but myself. I think people forget to applaud for themselves too often.
Example: A friend of mine is looking to change the direction of his life....and he doesn't know how to do it. Flat out. He said, " I just don't know how to start it - can you tell me?" I remember feeling like that. Feeling like I didn't know what to do or where to go. Not just with the direction of my life but moreso with how I was supposed to start seeing guys again. It's all one in the same really. The best way I can put it - and excuse me for stealing their motto but "JUST DO IT". Now is the time - just start and go. GO.
Too often I found myself just sitting and waiting and wishing that something/someone would just come along. Yes - I won't say it NEVER happens. I know it does - but the majority of the time - it doesn't. In the last few years I've realized if I want something/someone - I've just got to go after it and get it. No one will hand it to me - no one will be like "Katie, here's a platter of all the delicious choices of men you have to choose from - if you take platter A you'll get a tall dark and handsome man....or if you choose platter B you'll get a blonde surfer type guy who has the body but no brains". It just doesn't happen (wouldn't that be nice though!).
So I guess in a way I follow up my last post with this one in the same mentality that I just have to "suck it up".
It's scary though. I'm not gonna lie. I'm at the point where I'm contantly reminding myself that just because a guy likes me doesn't mean I have to like him back. Of course guys will like me - I'm awesome:-) I can't lose sight of who I am - I made that mistake once....never again. I refuse to tell myself that my interests are not as important has his - nor will I stop being the sports loving girl that I am. It's exciting too - it's nice to feel liked. It's been awhile since someone - outside of friendship - has genuinely been interested in me.
One day at a time. One day at a time.
then maybe you'd see the signs.
But Lord knows that this world is cruel
And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool
Learning loving somebody don't make them love you
Must I always be waiting waiting on you?
Must I always be playing playing your fool?
.....Jack Johnson. Gotta love him. Now I realize this song has a particular (singular) person in mind....but lately - I've been trying to understand why I must always be waiting - "waiting on love". Granted - I haven't really put myself out there in the last few years - mainly because I wasn't entirely sure I was ready for it again. That being said - someone reading this who doesn't really know my past would probably think, "gee, what's wrong with her? What happened that made it so hard for her to trust herself to fall for someone else?" Yeah - well - I won't get into exactly who it was - but honestly - pinning it on someone else is a lame excuse - I prefer to say that it was me - because really - it was.
I was the one that wouldn't let others in. I was the one that couldn't see beyond what I had in front of me. I was the one that (in some odd way) still had hopes that things would change. I was also the one that believed that it would just...happen. You know? Like how they say it happens - when you're not looking for it?
I'm venturing into a new world for myself. I'm actually accepting dates with guys and going out with them. I know - amazing - not. I realize this is a normal thing for other girls - but as I was talking with my best friend yesterday - I think I'm just so into my own schedule (and I actually LIKE it) that I have a hard time giving it up for someone who I don't even know is worthy of my time - does that make sense? Like - I'm pretty much at the point in my life where I know what I want - what I want from a guy and what I want for myself with them. Some may see that as picky but I think it's just something I deserve.
Everyone has their "sob stories" so to speak - "I've had a hard life....I went through so much to get to this point....I can't believe I made it to where I am now" bleh bleh. And I don't mean to dismiss them in any way - but really the obstacles we overcome to get to the places we're at in life right now - make us who we are - and I truly believe they help us figure out more of who we are than anything or anyone else could. Yes - a guy broke my heart - but it was the way I overcame that and the way I decided I was going to live my life from that point forward. I have no one to "blame" or "applaud" but myself. I think people forget to applaud for themselves too often.
Example: A friend of mine is looking to change the direction of his life....and he doesn't know how to do it. Flat out. He said, " I just don't know how to start it - can you tell me?" I remember feeling like that. Feeling like I didn't know what to do or where to go. Not just with the direction of my life but moreso with how I was supposed to start seeing guys again. It's all one in the same really. The best way I can put it - and excuse me for stealing their motto but "JUST DO IT". Now is the time - just start and go. GO.
Too often I found myself just sitting and waiting and wishing that something/someone would just come along. Yes - I won't say it NEVER happens. I know it does - but the majority of the time - it doesn't. In the last few years I've realized if I want something/someone - I've just got to go after it and get it. No one will hand it to me - no one will be like "Katie, here's a platter of all the delicious choices of men you have to choose from - if you take platter A you'll get a tall dark and handsome man....or if you choose platter B you'll get a blonde surfer type guy who has the body but no brains". It just doesn't happen (wouldn't that be nice though!).
So I guess in a way I follow up my last post with this one in the same mentality that I just have to "suck it up".
It's scary though. I'm not gonna lie. I'm at the point where I'm contantly reminding myself that just because a guy likes me doesn't mean I have to like him back. Of course guys will like me - I'm awesome:-) I can't lose sight of who I am - I made that mistake once....never again. I refuse to tell myself that my interests are not as important has his - nor will I stop being the sports loving girl that I am. It's exciting too - it's nice to feel liked. It's been awhile since someone - outside of friendship - has genuinely been interested in me.
One day at a time. One day at a time.
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