Thursday, April 28, 2011

The briefest of brief....

Posts that is....I'm heading out the door to teach my 9:15 spin class in Bala Cynwyd (for those not familiar with the area.....you pronounce it - Bal - a - Kin - wood).

Just a quick update from yesterdays post - I am much better today - I realized after running 7 miles that regardless (and with the help from my best friend) of what a picture looks like - sometimes we're all a little too critical and hard on ourselves. She's right and I need to just let it go. I ran those 7 miles and I felt great. I'm so pumped for The Broad Street Run on Sunday. That annnnnnnd I have another date with this awesome guy from Friday :-) Updates on that most likely on Monday.

In the mean time - I'm trying to not give myself a heart attack with the amount of work I have to do - inevitably my own fault for leaving it to the last minute. 10 page research paper - writing all day tomorrow until our night game.

Here's hoping it rains enough to so our game tonight is pushed back to an earlier time tomorrow! Woot!

Anywhoozle...ta ta for now.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

All that hard work, and this is what I get?

To say the least, I'm a bit frustrated these days. I work so hard to look nice - to stay healthy - to be happy with my appearance and all it takes is one....ONE picture to prove to me that I don't look the way I thought I did.

Now, granted - the picture was taken after a long day and a two hour game and I was sweaty and gross and ew....but seriously? Why can't I just take normal pictures - especially the ones that count?

A little back-story - one of the parents of an LM swimmer is trying to create a little love match between myself and another coach (those of you that are familiar with the coach story, you know who I'm talking about). And although my focus has since shifted - it's sweet of her to think of me and try to offer some guidance. She obviously sees what everyone else does - that there is something there (even if it's pointless to pursue it). So yesterday, after our 22-6 defeat, we got back to the school a little early and I knew there was a track meet - so I headed up there to see if I could catch the last race. Unfortunately the meet was over but I ran into this parent and as usual, we started chatting. She's pretty awesome so it's hard to not say hi. Of course, we ended up talking for nearly an hour (again) and this other coach wanders by and stops to say hello. So this parent thinks of this brilliant idea to take a picture of the two of us, saying, "can I have a picture of Duranya's two coaches? puhhhhlease?!" So of course, how can you turn that down? - I knew it would be terrible - I knew it! I didn't even want to ask to see it afterwards. So I just put it out of my mind. Of course she sent it to me last night and I got it this morning. Ugh. I just look - well - the way I described a paragraph up...I look bloated and fat and gross. Not that he looks that good in it either. But really? Bleh.

I know I shouldn't let this get to me because one picture does not represent how I truly look - but I have no pictures with this guy - and of all the first opportunities to have one with him - and possibly the only opportunity to have one - THIS is the one I get? meh. I suppose I should just forget about it anyway - who else is going to see it besides me, the parent and probably my swimmer - oh and probably him.....

I'm just having a pity party day. Maybe a run will help

Friday, April 22, 2011

Dolly Madison Levi Fitzgerald

Sadly - we had to put Dolly down last night :-( She will be missed. She wasn't the best cat but she was ours (well, Kelly's really). It's amazing - she wasn't even my pet and yet she occupied the most pictures on my iPhone. She was a great cuddler. She was a good pet to have just sit and do nothing with. She was a gangsta, a llama, a friend, and a foe. We had to replace our DVR three times because she'd sit on top of them and then get over heated and throw up on them (hah!). She would pee all over the carpets (which I know my mom was thrilled about). She loved to sit in the sun. I have a lot of good memories with Dolly.

It's the first time I've ever been present for something like that. It was peaceful. More sad than comforting (obviously). It's just weird today. No kitty. No best friend (this was my nickname for her). I'm sure she's somewhere very comfortable and happy. As much as she could be a pain, she was the best Dolly she could be.

You will be missed best friend.





“If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there"~Lewis Carroll

I feel like I'm stuck.

It happens to me occasionally. I'm stuck but I'm not. I have options but I don't. Ever feel like that?

Right now - if you've read my previous posts - you know that I've been doing a lot of thinking. Trying to be proud of my accomplishments, even though it's just "what I do". And trying to suss it all out because I'm not sure what it all means.

What are my goals?

I was reading MegaNerd's latest post (not the one where she got the job but the one before with her 1-2, 5, and 10 year plans) and it got me to thinking. Honestly, at first, I laughed a bit. She has that by the time she is 27 she'll have met and married the love of her life. Really? How can you plan that? She also has that by the time she's 32 or something she'll have kids. I say, "really?" again. How can you plan things like that?

But then I started thinking, is it because I didn't set those goals for myself that I don't have those things yet? And I wonder if I'm even setting real goals for myself. I mean - we're coming on 2 years of me having moved back to Philly and I STILL live at home. MUCH longer than I anticipated. I wanted to be at home for a year - tops. (just so y'all are aware, I COULD move out but it would put a significant financial strain on my life and I just can't deal with that stress right now). But am I going about life the wrong way? Am I just taking ANY road? Am I satisfied that I am not really getting anywhere? Or am I laying all the ground-work now so that in a year I'll have all the goals I set forth before I moved home?

Let's backtrack a bit - shall we? Flash back to January of 2009:
I was dating Ben (ugh) and thinking that he and I were going to be something more than it turned out to be - figures. But regardless, I knew deep down that my work at TGC would have to come to an end soon...and even though I would have the cheerleading work and possibly more, I didn't want that life for myself. I knew I needed something more. I knew I wanted to make a difference and help people.

For some reason, similarly to the way I picked Albright - I picked Cabrini. I just knew it was the easiest choice and that I didn't have to take the GRE's (bonus!) to get in. I was never worried about being accepted. Just worried about whether or not I was making the right decision. Do I miss Florida? A day doesn't go by that I don't. Did I make the right choice? I'd like to say 80% yes. I've met some amazing people since I've come back here and am welcomed with open arms any time I want to go back to Orlando :-) It's nice to know.

Cabrini is a great place for me but I wonder if my time is over there. I have been (not actively) looking for other temp jobs to pay for school and to help me move out. I think I need to be a little more proactive on it. This summer I'm the head coach of a swim team (pumped!) but it's going to take up a lot of my time and for little money. I'm looking to fill the time - possibly with lessons or other work.

In the mean time - I coach two (hopefully soon, three) sports at Lower Merion. My name is in the district. The parents like me. I am hoping that keeps my options there and can look forward to a job there so I can continue working with the kids I devote so much of my time to (I LOVE IT!). Like many things in this world, there are no guarantees. Sometimes I think I have ADD when it comes to career choices. I would love to do everything. SERIOUSLY. But I am not willing to give up what I have already established and worked for.

As I mentioned, I was reading Megan's goals - and I have set these kinds of goals for myself all my life - just loosely because if there is one thing I know it's that life can throw you a curve ball ANY TIME IT WANTS.

I think my next post will be on my goals.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Sometimes.....

Sometimes:

I just want to give up.
I really hate being the responsible one.
I get so anxious knowing that I'm the person people can always rely on.
I really hate living at home.
it's not so bad.
I can't believe the life I'm living.
I wish my life had turned out differently.
I realize how lucky I am that it didn't.
I get panic attacks that cause me to re-evaluate my life.
I wonder if I should've gone to a bigger college.
I think about how I never thought I'd have a real boyfriend.
I wonder if he thinks about me as much as I think about him.
I wonder if the friends I've lost over the years, think about me too....

I smell books.
I listen to explicit rap music and blast it in my car while I'm on the main line.
I eat dessert for dinner (mmm, chocolate cake!)
A philly soft pretzel solves all my problems.
Life has a funny way of making you work for "it".
I will white-out things my calendar in my organizer - just so I can re-write them.
I make lists just so I have something to cross out.
I sit at work and don't actually do work (like right now).

I really miss college.
I really don't miss college.
I wonder if I could've been an Olympian.
I wish I had played soccer when I was little.

I wish I had met a man from the UK who fell in love with me and I had moved over there to lead a different life.
I am SO glad that didn't happen.

ALWAYS:
I always wish I had the life I have.
I am always grateful for my friends and family.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

As for accomplishments, I just did what I had to do as things came along. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

It just figures that a quote like that would come from an awesome person like Eleanor Roosevelt. Same chick that said, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Brilliant.

As for the actual quote - I really feel like that's the approach I take in life. I thought I'd take this opportunity to write about good stuff since usually I feel like I'm complaining......

As I sit here writing my 200th post (woo!), I'm watching Tuesday's episode of The Biggest Loser. These people are amazing - accomplishing things that everyone is capable of and yet sometimes you need that extra push....and I'm thinking to myself - why do I feel guilty for taking one day off? I shouldn't - and I won't. Now granted - I might still head to the gym in a few hours - why not? But then I was like - what have I accomplished in the last few weeks, months, years even....a lot.

This week I ran 20 miles. Last week I ran 32. So far this year I have run more than 360 miles. My goal is to run 1200. Last year I ran just over 1000. Why do I have these goals? I just do - gives me a purpose - makes me feel like I'm not just running to train for races but to keep going. I've run two races so far this year - a 5 miler and a 5K. Both were PR's. I ran the 5 miler in just under 41 minutes and the 5K in 23:37. Definitely fast for me. Why did I run that fast? Possibly my training (most likely) but also because I just did. I just did the things I had to do.

I am currently holding down four jobs. I work as a Graduate Assistant for Cabrini (about 10 hours a week). I teach spinning three times a week with other classes to sub whenever I want (approx 3-5 hours a week). I coach Lacrosse every day (10-15 hours a week). I coach swimming (although that is seemingly less now because of lacrosse but I was there on Wednesday and will be back soon. I'm also a student. I suppose that'd be a fifth job. The thing is - I love ALL OF THESE. I'd almost much rather have these five things than be in a job that was making me enough money to move out. Do I want to move out? Of course. Will it happen? Definitely. When? I'm not sure. Am I worried about that? Not any more. The thing is - all these things are helping me on my journey to where I need to be.

Speaking of my journey - I've had so many amazing opportunities in my path. I'm still searching for the right person and in the mean time I'm enjoying myself. I'm finally OK with the fact that I'm still single and almost 30. Do I want to find someone? YES - very much so. Am I giving up? NO - never. Do I still believe the right guy is out there for me? YES - I've possibly met him already and not known it. My journey toward finding the right person is still in progress but as I'm reminded every time I watch the movie 'Under the Tuscan Sun' "Unthinkably good things can happen, even late in the game. It's so surprising." I'm open to it. I just hope the person I find is open too.

Beyond the personal - I've got a lot of good things on the horizon. Although lacrosse has just about a month left, I'll still have Baldwin (swimming) and I have Mermaid Lake Coaching to look forward to! I also got a call/email from a doctor's office that wants to hire me. Cabrini is currently restructuring their departments so I'm growing slightly concerned that I won't have the grad assistantship to rely on - but this opportunity might be the way for me to pay for it AND to move out. Depends on how much they want to pay me and how often I can work for them. I might take away the chance to have a chill summer but to be honest - money is a key factor for me right now. I have bills, tuition, loans, payments that all need to be taken care of. Money trumps relaxation. I'll have time to relax when I'm dead haha. I'm currently getting A's in both my classes I'm taking right now. I have one more major paper and a final exam to take. Just a few short weeks left of the spring semester - summer semester starts shortly thereafter with one class for six weeks and then one more in the fall. I have to get on the ball with student teaching to make sure I have a lock on that in the spring of next year.

One thing I will say is that with all of these things going on - I am stretching myself thin - I am aware of it. I feel badly because I don't get to see as many people as often. I haven't seen my dad that much and I know he misses me. I miss him too. It's not personal - it's just what's going on. I've GOT to do these things. I need the money. But I should be better at balancing everything. To be honest I think I'm doing a pretty good job - it's just difficult. I suppose - in keeping with the theme of my quote - I just have to do it.

:::sigh::: I'm going to get changed and work out. haha :-)

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.” ~ Oscar Wilde

Seeing as how I've been MIA for a week or so - I figured a nice refresher course in "Katie" would be helpful....so here are some of the ABC's of me :-)

A. Age: 29 years - 3 months left in my 20s!

B. Bed size: Queen. Of course.

C. Chore you dislike: cleaning the bathroom

D. Dogs: None currently - but had part ownership of: Jessie (miss you pup!) - and lived with: Sydney, Deuce, Maya, and briefly Tebow.

E. Essential to start your day: Coffee and Computer time.

F. Favorite Color: Pink

G. Gold or silver: When I was younger it was gold, now it's silver - or platinum :-)

H. Height: 5 feet, almost 7 inches

I. Instruments you play: I know how to play the piano, clarinet, flute, saxophone, and trumpet.

J. Job Title: Student, Coach, Graduate Assistant, Spin Instructor

K. Kids: No kids.....yet. One day, hopefully though. There is a process to all of it - although my grandmother tells me otherwise!

L. Live: Burb's of Philly. Represent!

M. Mom’s Name: Patricia - but we call her weirdo - haha - no just kidding. She's mom.

N. Nicknames: Fitz, KatieFitz, Coach, Coach Katie, Katydid, Fitzy, Spitz(old one!)

O. Overnight Hospital Stays: Freshman year of college - after the sledding accident. Thanks to Netty and Brooke for keeping me entertained and helping me out!

P. Pet Peeves: Sloth. Gluttony (haha, although I definitely partake in this from time to time). Meanness. Rudeness. Intentional stupidity. (ETA: RUNNING LATE....oh and Traffic for no reason)

Q. Quote from a movie: “Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.”

R. Righty or Lefty: Righty

S. Siblings: Older Sis Kelly

T. Time you wake up: 6:30ish

U. Underwear: Varies - but always wearing them.

V. Vegetables you don’t like: Pretty sure I haven't found one yet.

W. What makes you run late: Very rarely it's my own doing. It's usually because someone else is running late. I HATESES being late.....hrm, guess I should add that to pet peeves!

X. X-Rays You’ve had: For my back (twice) and my teeth (obvi)

Y. Yummy food you make: I haven't made much food lately - no one to cook for - but I make lots of good stuff. I think I'm a pretty good cook.

Z. Zoo-animal favorite: PENGUINS!!!!! WADDLE :-D