"all the Philly fella's livin' life as a profession!"

Yay for G. Love & Special Sauce! I heart them/him so much. He's so effing hot. Trust on this.

~~~~~~~~

So I haven't updated in about a week and a half..going on two weeks. It's been busy around here. I actually had two days of work this past week. It was supposed to be three..but alas, being efficient kicks my ass again. But in the last two weeks here's a run down of the things I did:-) hehe:

Four Spring Training Games (three phillies, one tigers)
Visited Paul in DC for the weekend
Worked two and a half days
G. Love & Special Sauce Concert
"Happy Trails" Party
Lots of working out.....

In regards to the last one...I even had someone tell me I looked skinny. Bonus...esp since I've been feeling pretty lazy lately. I have been upping my mileage in regards to my running. I tried to sign up for the Royal Parks Half Marathon in London this past week...but alas...the sight kept having some kind of error...so maybe it's a sign that I shouldn't do it. Besides, it'll be right in the middle of the semester and I probably won't be able to take the time off I want. Whatev's...next time. I have a good fall of running lined up anyway. I'm doing the Philly Distance Run in September (half)...and then I'm planning on signing up for the Full Philly Marathon this November...so I'm kind of looking for a run in October to give me one last boost before the big one in November. I'll be looking all over for another Half Marathon in October.

Elsewhere...I'm pretty sure I've come to a conclusion about guys. I started re-reading, "Better Single Than Sorry" by the chick who was on the bachelor and bachelorette. As I read each page I realize, I'm gonna be ok. I kind of had a breakdown of sorts on Monday because after having spent a weekend with Paul (all of his friends are couples), I think I got back here and kind of felt inadequate. Not with who I am, but that I knew something was missing. I am searching for that someone to compliment my life. I love my life. Don't misread that...but...I want to share all these things I'm doing, with them.

I get a daily horoscope in my email - last week, one of the horoscope's was talking about life and it included this profound quote, "Life doesn't necessarily get easier as you get older, you just learn how to handle things better". It's really true. If there's one thing I've learned it's that life isn't as easy as some people make it out to be. And honestly, in the moments when I feel like I'm alone, I also realize that everyone else is pretty much in the same position - whether they're married, single, divorced, etc. Everyone is just trying to do the best they can.

The other week I was talking to my friend Parker about some issues he's having with a girl and her insecurities. I've been there (in her shoes). It's interesting/weird to know that now I am in a position where I can help others with similar situations. At the time of the events that you're going through, you always ask the questions, "why?" or "why me?" I now know why. To help. Everyone needs a little help now and then...and the thing is...people are so afraid to ask for it. I don't know why.

I take that back, I do know why. Because most of us have instincts that tell us not to ask for help because it makes us seem weak. Personally, I think NOT asking for help makes us weak. I think it takes more strength to ask for help and say to yourself, "I can't do this alone". I shouldn't say can't. Can't is a weird word. It's more like, I won't do this alone. Because really, you can do anything on your own...but why would you want to do anything on your own? It pretty much leaves you without anyone close and keeping everyone/everything at a distance.

But I digress......I guess what I'm trying to say is exactly what G Love says, "livin' life as a profession".....just do what you can to live your life as best you can...and the rest will follow.

Take me out to the Baalllllll game....

Take me out with the crowd!
Buy me some peanuts and cracker jack
I don't care if I ever get back...
So let's root, ROOT root for the PHIIIIILLLLLIIIIEESSSS
If they don't win it's a shame!
For its ONE!
TWO!
THREE STRIKES You're out at the OLD BALL GAME!!!

Yay:-)

The last two days were awesome! Awesome awesome AWESOME!

I love baseball I really do. And tonight will be TONS OF FUN TOO!!!

Here are a few pics from the trip! Enjoy:-)

"brad lidge....stretches.....the oh two pitch..."

SWING AND A MISS!!!! STRUCK HIM OUUUUUUUTT!! THE PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES ARE 2008 WORLD CHAMPIONS OF BASEBALL!!!!!

Needless to say - I heart baseball. I heart baseball lotses:-)

This week is the beginning of baseball for me. yes, I know, it's been going on for a few weeks now...but I'm going to three spring training games this week. Can I just say how much I LOVE spring training games. Smaller stadiums..closer to the players (mmm baseball players, yum)...and definitely more intimate atmosphere.

Tomorrow and Wednesday I am making the trek down to Clearwater for two Phillies games and meeting up with my dad and family friend, Steve, for games at Bright House Field. Then Thursday I'm back in Orlando with my roommate and friend for a Braves/Tigers game (my roommate is a Kitties fan). I am so excited! I love watching baseball. I love it!

I guess my affection for America's Favorite Pastime started when I was pretty young. Growing up in the burb's of Philly, when the VET was still around, my dad would pile me and a few of the neighborhood kids into our old rabbit and venture down to South Philly - get a few 700 level tix and we'd all be up in the nosebleeds for the Sunday afternoon game:-) - usually there was some kind of giveaway too. I just remember sitting in those seats - watching the likes of my favorite ballplayer of all time (michael jack schmidt) - and loving every minute of it!

I remember 1993 - when the Phils (sadly - and much to my hatred for Joe Carter) lost in game 6 of the world series. And watching "Whatever it Takes Dude" video over and over and OVER again with Fur....(best phils memorabilia video ever) - ahhh Lenny Dykstra - what are you doing with yourself now?

And of course - this past year - when the Phils took the World series! I think I was destined to be a baseball fan. Why? Well, let's just say, the last time (prior to '08) that the Phils won a WS - was in October of 1980. I was born in July of 1981. You do the math:-)

It's like this and like that and like this and uh....

Well Im peepin, and Im creepin, and Im creep-in
But I damn near got caught, cause my beeper kept beepin
Now its time for me to make my impression felt
So sit back, relax, and strap on your seatbelt
You never been on a ride like this befo
With a producer who can rap and control the maestro
At the same time with the dope rhyme that I kick
You know, and I know, I flow some ol funky shit
To add to my collection, the selection
Symbolizes dope, take a toke, but dont choke
If ya do, ya have no clue
O what me and my homey snoop dogg came to do

Its like this and like that and like this and uh
Its like that and like this and like that and uh
Its like this, and we aint got no love for those
So jus chill, til the next episode
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ain't nothin' but a G Thang Baby!

Yeah - I went there. I'm odd. I know this. And anyone who takes one look at me would be like, um, katie, skin check! You're the whitest white girl out there. Yeah yeah, I know. But I can rap just as well as the rest of them! Trust me. You get enough liquor in me, and I'm all set:-) I wish Guitar Hero had more rap songs. The only one I've come across is the Beastie Boys "No Sleep Till Brooklyn" and while I love the Beasties, c'mon...I need a little bit more than that. (speaking of g-hero, must remember to change batteries in guitar today)

As like all of my other posts, these lyrics reference something going on in my life.

Last night, I was having another difficult time falling asleep so around 1:30ish I decided to go the old Nyquil route and pop a few caps (hah, Im a nerd) to help me sleep like a baby. Yep. It worked. Always does. (I do not recommend doing this all the time ladies and gents, but I'll be damned if it doesn't help you fall asleep without knowing what hit you) But I digress...

I was trying to fall asleep for a good two hours when I started to think about the most current ex and eventually my brain wandered to the others. Thinking back through the things that went wrong...why..who...you know, the five w's and the h. Thinking about how everything was like this and like that and like this....too much? Ok ok, enough of the Dre/Snoop references....

I kind of realized a few things about me and my exes(or I should say the ones that I pretty much know mean/meant so much more to me than just someone I'd call a guy I dated)...

I am the "transition" girl. I have yet to date a guy that will stay with me through their transition period in life. Case in point...when derek broke up with me, college was just about over and he wanted to figure out his next step in life.

Lets rewind a bit here...when derek and I dated, he was a bio/chem major at PSU. He didn't know what he was going to do after college. I suggested going to Med school but he didn't want to do that. So then I said, well what about grad school? You can get a PhD and then teach or do research. He worked in the labs at PSU and did lots of internships at various prestigious companies. But he kind of dismissed the idea. Fast forward to present day...He's attending graduate school. Earning his PhD. Doing research. Great idea!

Most recently, the guy that just broke up with me about three weeks ago...just landed himself a new job...wants to try and get his life together and start being more of an adult. Without me. Everything he and I talked about - about the kinds of things I went through when I was his age (he's two years younger) - are the things he said he wanted to do for himself. I was just oblivious to the fact that it would be without me. (now, keep in mind...our relationship was long distance. Him in Philly, me in Orlando..so it's not like I'd be around him all the time when he was trying to figure this stuff out..I just was grateful to know Id be able to be in his life). Of course when we started having a conversation about us and it went from us being together to literally him saying we should just be friends...I was dumbfounded and completely caught offguard. I thought things were so great!

What I'm trying to say here is that somehow, the ones that mean the most to me...tend to also be the ones that push me away. I don't know what it is. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong.

Hold up - forget that I wrote that. I didn't do anything wrong. Their reasons for breaking up with me had nothing to do with me. And the reason I know this is because of this....

There was a time in my life when I had to be completely selfish for the purposes of growth. I had a transition period. In fact, I'm pretty certain that our entire 20's is a transition period. Most of my friends in their 30's say how much they love them and that when they look back on their 20s they laugh and think about how they're glad for the experiences but would never want to go through them again. Gee, I thought that was supposed to be adolescence we said that about? But to make my point.....for as hurt and upset as I am/was about the circumstances in which both of these guys broke it off with me...I get it. In the long run...it was probably necessary...

When I went through my selfish phase, I did a lot of things I am not really all that proud of. I don't regret any of my life...I just know that there were things that I did that I would definitely not do now. But, you live and you learn, right? The only thing I remember about that time in my life (compared to the time right now) is that back then I didn't have as big of a support group then as I do now. I think that all comes with time anyway.

Part of where I'm going, is knowing where I'm coming from

I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
~Gavin DeGraw

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Much love for Gavin. I liked him way before this song was used for One Tree Hill's theme song. And (guilty as charged) I do watch it - and the reruns:-) I can't help it!

So much of this song rings true for me on a daily basis. I just want to be me. Unfortunately, lately, I haven't felt all that much like myself. I'm happy - don't get me wrong..but there's just something that's missing.

I just looked at some pictures of myself and I'm like - how it is possible I look this fat, when I know I'm working out tons and eating right? I thought I was finally happy with how I look? I guess it will always be a constant struggle. Of course, usually when I get obsessive about my appearance its because something else is bothering me.

What's going on right now.....I'm still not working - I have cheer this coming weekend - but I think it's only two days instead of three which is kind of a bummer. I seemingly keep spending money where I know I shouldn't. Blah. I'm really a good person to keep control of my finances...but when you're bored..all you want to do is spend money. I need to find a hobby that keeps me from doing this. I told Paul I'd make him some comic strips (yes, with stick figures because my drawing is for crap hah!) but nonetheless - I'll do something:-) What else....um well I've been catching up on lots of other things - like reading...hah! Well honestly - I've been reading this blog. It's kind of nice to read what the opposite sex goes through in their single adventures.

I've been keeping myself busy the last week. And honestly - it's been pretty nice. I hung out with Simon twice last week - Wed night and Thursday night. Not sure what that deal is - but - nonetheless - it's nice to get out of the house. And I saw his new house and we had some good conversations so that was nice. We haven't really hung out since we dated...so it was a little different. Friday night I went out with Rich - dinner and the movies. It was SO AWESOME to catch up with him. I haven't seen/hung out with him in a while..not since he came over for the FLA/TENN game and beyond that - bowling. We had the opportunity to reflect on lots of things...and we're both on the same thought process for stuff in our lives:-) He's such a great guy. Saturday I didn't do much - Yoga and picked up my race packet for the Disney Princess Half Marathon on Sunday morning. Tried to go to bed early - to avoid one less hour of sleep from Daylight Savings time - but alas - my efforts were all for naught. I ended up taking nyquil to help me fall asleep. It was just one of those nights where I just couldnt turn off my brain. Annoying! Sunday I jogged/walked the race with Laurie:-) It was her first one - and I had no problem just being there for her. I wills ay that I am definitely signing up for the Philly Distance Run in September and then I think (gulp) the FULL MARATHON in Philly in November. I loved this run last year - as I only did the Half - but I really think I'm ready for a Full and what better place to do it than in Philly?! My love of loves:-) Went to Aroma for Brunch and stayed there for a good five hours - came home and played some guitar hero and promptly passed out after a few phone calls. I was beat! It was a great night sleep though - 9 full hours! Haven't done that in awhile.

I think the reason I dont think Im as thin is because Im pretty much sitting all day - maybe today i'll go for a walk and see if that helps a bit as Im used to walking around at work a lot more.

Lots of awesome stuff on the horizon for Katie! Upcoming this week - working this weekend - Darryl's bday extravaganza (Saturday night) and possibly simon's - he was talking about having a st pattys day party/housewarming party - we'll see how that goes. Next week is the doozy! Dad and Steve are down for a few days to see some Spring Training Baseball! I'll be joining them on the 17th and 18th! and then the 19th is another game here in Otown. Friday I leave for DC to visit Paul! Cant wait to hang out - do yoga - enjoy awesome company - and have awesome brunch! yay! The weekend after that - I've got GLOVE tickets for the 27th - and a relatively free weekend (of course things will probably pop up! And that's until the end of March! I can't wait!

Just keep on being myself - and the rest will follow:-)

Does it hurt...

To know I'll never be there?
Bet it sucks
To see my face everywhere

It was you
Who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know

You knew
Exactly what you would do
Don't say
You simply lost your way

She may believe you
But I never will
Never again

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's it. I'm done. I'm not over it - but I'm just - I'm done. I can't do it anymore. I have enough friends. And although I feel bad about "giving up" on someone who's a "friend" but really - he's not a friend. Friends don't treat you this way.

Who the eff (as a friend) doesn't say ANYTHING when you tell them you miss them? What the ef?

And so - I'm done. I'm finished. I am disappointed in his behavior (I know, shouldn't I already be?) Well - I guess I'm at the last straw. I'm done. I don't want to do this any more. I just can't deal with this "will he won't he" crap. I'm just.

I'm done.

Put on your pretty lies

..... you're in the city of wonder
Ain't gon' play nice, watch out you might just go under
Better think twice, your train of thought will be altered
So if you must falter be wise

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's a Rihanna kind of morning.

Nothing major to report of on the homefront. I have to call my boss at GC today - to find out if they're going to need me this week or even this month. yikes. No fear though - I have a backup plan.

As for yesterday. I was extremely tired - but pushed through it anyway. Its abnormally cold here in FLA so I stuck to inside workouts. Did Yoga X and then went to spin class last night. Felt really good after both workouts - but pretty much had dinner and crashed last night. SO TIRED! I slept from 1030ish until 830ish today. That is, until Maya woke me up cause Deuce went to the VET today and she was kind of all out of sorts cause hes not here. Poor puppy:-(

Anyway - I'm just chillin' today. Probably head to the gym after 1 and get in a good workout - maybe even lift. I still haven't gone running since last week - so maybe I'll do that on the treadmill today - cause it's still pretty chilly here. Although - I've run in MUCH colder temps - but I guess I figure if I don't have to, I'm not going to. I'm still undecided on the Half Marathon on Sunday. Part of me says do it - the other part says just bag it. I hate just skipping it though. I mean - come on katie - what's you're deal?!

Elsewhere - I'm kind of blah. I'm trying to stay happy/positive and just move on - it's so difficult though. I have yet to tell him I miss him - which is pretty much the first thing I want to tell him any time I talk to him (which hasn't been since Friday btw)...but he isn't about to tell me that he misses me. He probably doesn't and probably has forgotten all about me anyway. (there I go, worst case senario again). I was reading a friend's facebook profile - in the section that had quotes and there was one quote there that said, "Girls always think the worst and expect the the most" or soemthing like that. I thought - how true. At least - in my case. I only think the worst when I don't know what's going on. It's just a natural instinct. I guess in a way so that when things do go well, I can be happily surprised or just happy.

bum bum be dum bum bum be dum dum!

Should've known better when you came around...

That you were gonna make me cry...
It's breaking my heart to watch you run around
Cause I know that you're living a lie
That's okay baby cause in time you will find
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whew - so it's March - FINALLY!!!!

I'm kind of bummin' this morning. And something funky is up with my eyes. I'm trying to figure out what it is...but my eyelids are like all puffy - kind of like theyre having an allergic reaction to something. What it is, I don't know. Yesterday I wore my glasses all day. Amazing how different people react to you when you're wearing glasses versus contacts. It was like middle school all over again. I guess unless you wear super posh glasses, people don't really look beyond the glasses. Bleh.

Yesterday was a relatively easy day at work. Fun. Kind of. But today will most likely be way tougher. I had a PA yesterday, which was nice...but today is when I couldve really used it. Blah. Whatev's. We had dinner last night at the restaurant downstairs from the hotel. Amanda and Craig are hilarious:-) It was awesome to hang out with them again. I'm gonna try and get a pic with them today - just cause - who knows when I'll see them again? Plus, I'm gonna take a pic of the hotel room - super nice! Not THE best one I've ever stayed at - but seriously cool. There's a sliding glass door to the bathroom. ya - you read that right.

I kind of want to escape. I wish I was leaving tomorrow to go somewhere exotic - not back to Orlando - where I feel like nothing is waiting for me.

The month of March - as I mentioned in my last blog - has lots waiting for me.

Looking forward to the most? The third week of the month - Spring Training/DC Trip
Looking forward to the least? As ashamed as I am to say this, my Half marathon:-(

I really REALLY don't want to mail it in on this run - but I don't see how I'm going to do any better than my Philly time. I haven't been training for it. I guess I'll just go and do the best I can...and get ready to sign up for the Philly Full for November and get my butt into gear.

In other fitness news - I was going to join a yoga gym but I think I'll have to put that on hold until I have work again. I keep spending money that I don't necessarily have. So I guess I'll just do the P90X yoga. It's pretty tough anyway. And I like it. So I guess it all balances out. And since I probably won't be working all this week - I'll have plenty of time to catch up on my exercise since I obviously didn't workout yesterday nor will I today (but at least I'm walking all over the place). Plus! No sweets and Drinks! And trust me, that's a LOT HARDER than you realize when you're on a shoot where craft services is like all bad stuff.

Le sigh. Just one more day of screaming teens. Hopefully my patience with them will come back to me in a good way.