Do Not worry

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.

Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.

Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.

If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'

For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Matthew 6:25-34

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Anybody that knows me, knows I'm not a very religious person. I was born and baptized Catholic (ask me about my baptism some time, it's pretty funny). I was raised to understand the principles of Catholicism and attend Mass each weekend and particularly on holy days. I hated ever minute of it....well....once I was old enough to have other activities (ie. sports) I hated it. CCD (which if you're unfamiliar with this, is essentially what the public school kids go to if they don't go to catholic school. It's once or twice a week after regular school for a few hours. You learn all the basic tenets/principals of the bible and the catholic religion. See how exciting that is?) was always something I despised. Especially in 6th grade when I knew that would be my last year of it and I was getting confirmed. I had to not only do all my regular school work but memorize 50+ random religious questions that the Cardinal MAY or MAY NOT ask any one of us during our Mass. Talk about pressure. Of course, I knew my odds. I most likely wouldn't be asked anything....so I didn't learn them. Am I better off? Who knows.

Here's the thing: As much as I don't follow my religion and have A LOT of issues with the way women are treated in the Catholic church - I do really still enjoy religion as a topic. I enjoy learning about religion(s). I like learning about the history behind why they got to be the way they are and how there are SO many different kinds. Occasionally I do find myself wanting to attend a Mass. There's something about knowing it will always be the same that's almost reassuring. Kind of like the same way that turning to an old friend in times of trouble/bad, you know they'll always be there for you and help you.

That being said - the bible passage I wrote at the beginning of this post is pretty much my favorite passage. The first time I heard it, I was blown away. I couldn't help but think - did people back then have anxiety too?! Lately, if you've been following, my life has been pretty busy and generally for me that means anxiety follows.

I cried myself to sleep last night. I went to bed at a reasonable hour. And then it happened. I had another anxiety attack. Instead this time, along with the feeling of having a heart attack, I started crying...and crying..and crying. Some people tell me that there are times when you just need a good cry. This was not a good cry. Good cry's are when you're upset about something else and you just CRY and CRY. My tears last night were ridden with worry and anxiety.

As I usually do, I started talking to myself....yes, out loud. Some times it's easier to hear what you're thinking. After about 5 minutes, I remembered this passage. "Do Not Worry". And although my anxiety is still apparent, I found a bit of comfort in knowing there are others out there that have the same kinds of worries I do.

My life isn't where I thought it would be right now. Although, to be fair, I didn't really know where my life would be right now. The things I want versus the things I have and have accomplished are pretty unbalanced. I have definitely accomplished more than I thought I would in such a short time period. I'm proud of those things. But I suppose it's only safe to say that I'm human. By that I mean, if you think about it, most humans focus on the things they don't have rather than the ones they do. Always wanting more of what we don't have already.

I am so blessed(there I go, using more religious jargon) to have so many things and people in my life that make me happy and sane. I often forget to sit back and relish in that.