32

“You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.” ~ David Harkins

As I read this poem - I only feel as though it is appropriate for this particular day. Rachel would've been 32 today. I still miss her dearly. I can not believe a year has already passed and she isn't here. It's true what they say, "time goes by a lot faster as you get older." That is what they say, isn't it? Dear lord I hope it is.

I thought I'd take this opportunity to write a few memories of Rach and I. Seeing as how she was such a huge part of my life growing up. One I nearly forgot that my neighbors reminded me of a few months ago....

Back when I was in middle school (I think) - it was during the summer - my neighbors wanted to make a huge trip up to Zerns (the Farmer's/Flea market). So Rach and I were like, well what kind of place is this? And for some reason - we decided to get all dolled up and wear dressed and all this makeup - what we didn't know was that it was a Flea/Farmer's Market...haha - so Rachel ended up buying a pair of flip flops and she had them to the day she passed! I suppose a story like that you'd have to be there for, but still, it's those simple memories that make me smile.

Oddly enough - there is a lifeguard at PSC, Ashley, whom reminds me of Rachel. Not for the obvious reasons - but mainly because of the way she says my name. I can STILL hear the way Rachel would say my name to me in my head (hopefully y'all can follow that sentence). "KATE.....(insert sentence)" But just the way she would say my name - there was/is something so comforting about it. Ashley calls me Katie - because she knows I don't like being called Kate...only family can do that (and yes, aster lane is considered family)....but the way Ashley says my name "KATIEEEEEE" just reminds me so much of Rachel.

Another amazing memory I have with Rach: I believe it was my 12th birthday - and I had a whole bunch of my friends over for a BBQ and a sleepover....we had a dance party. Everyone paired up and I was left alone - ha - go figure - on my own birthday. But Rachel was there and she was my partner! We made up a dance (which we actually already had because we made up dances all the time) and I think it's on video tape somewhere around here. Man. Those were the days of simplicity. Ha. A dance contest with a best friend who happened to be older than my current friends and she was the coolest girl I knew.

I definitely regret not staying as close with her as we got older - but I have SO many memories with her from my childhood and high school years that she'll always hold a special place in my heart. I'll never forget the advice she gave me just a few months before she passed away about life and about guys, "Kate, if I were you - wait. If I could do it all over again, I wouldn't have gotten married so soon. You have so much of your life to live. Take your time. Do what you want. Everything will fall into place for you. But be sure to wait for the right person. They're out there."

<3 Always in my memory and always in my heart.<3