Twice in one day.
I've blogged twice and three times in one day. But seriously. I am starting to melt.
I really need to either have a two hour sob-fest or I need to go all rambo on something. Anyone own a gun and want to take me to a shooting range? I wouldn't actually shoot anyone - just need to release some tension! And no, it's not pent up sexual frustration. Trust me.
I'll let you in on a little secret....which is actually a big secret....
I have....NO. IDEA. WHAT. I'M. DOING. WITH. MY. LIFE.
Just when I thought I might actually be heading down the right path with my life...I start thinking I might not be.
It's moments like these when I question myself - why did I ever leave television? Why did I ever leave florida? What possessed me to make these drastic changes in my life?
I think back on the time when I did make these decisions and I find it weird that I changed my whole life when things were actually going so well.
-I had steady freelance work with the possibility of more coming my way.
-I wasn't missing PA because I was loving living in Florida and the foundation of friends I had built whom I still miss every day. Despite the lessening of communication, I know they miss me and they always ask me to move back.
-Although I had a boyfriend but was dating him from a distance and it ended up not working out in the end (ha), that was not a reason I chose to move back here. I knew I wanted to get back involved with school somehow. Why didn't I look into UCF? or UF or some other school down there? Was it because I didn't think I could afford it? Because if I'm able to live on my own (albeit it financial burdens but I'm still doing it) now - had I stayed and gone to school there AND kept freelancing - I probably would've been fine.
Ultimately, I made the decision to move back to PA. I do love this area. I do love being able to see my family more. I won't deny that being here has been great. I'm coaching - which we all know is a true love of mine. I'm working with new people all the time - which is a great opportunity for me to keep networking. I made new friends - again - but still stay connected with old ones even if I don't get to see them all the time. I'm doing the best I can and yet some how I still feel as though I'm missing something.
Am I weird because I feel lost? Shouldn't I feel like I'm heading in the right direction? Why do I suddenly feel as though every decision I'm making is questionable and why do I suddenly feel as though I want to run away and never look back?
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