I Go Back.....

"Jack and Diane" painted a picture of my life and my dreams,
Suddenly this crazy world made more sense to me
Well I heard it today and I couldn't help but sing along
Cause everytime I hear that song...

I go back to a two toned short bed Chevy
Drivin my first love out to the levvy
Livin life with no sense of time
And I go back to the feel of a fifty yard line
A blanket, a girl, some raspberry wine
Wishin time would stop right in its tracks
Everytime I hear that song, I go back

I used to rock all night long to "Keep On Rockin Me Baby"
Frat parties, college bars, just tryin to impress the ladies
I heard it today and I couldn't help but sing along
Cause everytime I hear that song....

I go back to the smell of an old gym floor
The taste of salt on the Carolina shore
After graduation and drinkin goodbye to friends
And I go back to watchin summer fade to fall
Growin up too fast and I do recall
Wishin time would stop right in its tracks
Everytime I hear that song, I go back, I go back

We all have a song that somehow stamped our lives
Takes us to another place and time

So I go back to a pew,preacher, and a choir
Singin bout God, brimstone, and fire
And the smell of Sunday chicken after church
And I go back to the loss of a real good friend
And the sixteen summers I shared with him
Now "Only The Good Die Young" stops me in my tracks
Everytime I hear that song,

I go back....
To the feel of a fifty yard line
A blanket, a girl, some raspberry wine
I go back....
To watchin summer fade to fall
Growin up too fast and I do recall...
I go back....
To the loss of a real good friend
And the sixteen summers I shared with him...
I go back... I go back... I go back

~Kenny Chesney

___________

We've all had that song - that just reminds of that certain place in time....haven't we?


Right now - there's a weird situation going on in my life that has been bothering me for a year now and has been awkward for nearly three years. I know I've talked about it a bit before - but the basic idea is that one of my closest friends from college and guy I used to date - is no longer my friend. And while that seems normal because as we all know - we can't always remain close with exes or friends - it's kind of weird this time around.

To put it simply - I have a friend who is no longer really a friend because his girlfriend doesn't like me. She game him an ultimatum and he chose her - rightfully so. I suppose.

The thing that bothers me at the moment is that we have a mutual college friend in town and all of a sudden - this "friend" wants to hang out with me. While that's all well and good - it's just like - NO. You don't suddenly get to decide that we can all hang out when its convenient for you. For one weekend out of 52 in a year - just because a friend is here - that doesn't make everything alright and ok. You haven't attempted to be my friend all year - why start now?

I've got this whole speech in my head - which I'll most likely never tell anyone....but I have written him a letter....that I never sent. I just want him to be happy. As hard as the reminder is every day (we work at the same place) to see him and know that we have these awesome memories - I struggle to see the real reason I should continue to try and let him in my life. He clearly can't figure a way to balance her and me - and ok. Not everyone can - but really - I am not about to just jump when he tells me that it's ok to.

And so the song really just reminded me of all the songs I remember when he and I hung out or during college and things that reminded me of him. I'll always care about him deeply. He came into my life at a certain time that I needed him and I will forever be grateful.

I just can't do it anymore.