They call me 'her'
They call me 'Jane'
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name
~The Ting Tings
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So it's the start of a new week! Lots of things to report on...but first, in reference to what the song means....
Thursday morning I had my doctor's appt, and the nurses (for some reason) decided I was ok with being called 'kate'. Now, anyone who knows me..knows that unless you are my family...it is NEVER ok to call me this. My name is KATIE. K A T I E. Katie. It's not short for anything...it's just Katie.
That being said, I let the first instance go by, thinking to myself - well maybe I'm just out of sorts, I didn't sleep last night and maybe she won't do it again. So the first nurse went out and didn't say my name again..but the second one came in and did my IV and she called me 'kate' also. So I quickly corrected her saying, "um sorry, excuse me but could you call me Katie. That's my name". And like that the incident resolved. But just...GRRRRRRRR I can't stand when people do that. I can't stand when people give nicknames/shorten a name when they don't even know you. My name is written KATIE...not KATE.
OK...enough on that rant...updates elsewhere...
Saturday night was so much fun! I have pictures...but I don't have my camera wire to upload the pics...but they'll be on once I get back to Florida. It was so great to see my friends and have them come out! I had a blast. :-) Of course..I drank WAY too much and realized that the next morning when I woke up only to tell myself - I am not a college kid anymore...I can't drink like that! I seriously overdid it...but whatevs. I had a great time:-)
Yesterday I dealt with the hangover, went for a run, went to my dads, went to Josh's and saw the other set of parents and got dinner and a great conversation with him. We haven't done that in awhile..so it was so nice to see him. I'm glad I'll get to spend more time with him once I move home.
When I woke up this morning - I felt like there was so much still to be done. But then I reread my previous post and realized most of it is finished. I do still have to do the Ikea thing...book mom a flight...and enroll at cabrini. I'm going to apply for an aide position at colonial..and probably another school district...so that takes care of that...and other than that...today I'm going to do some Yoga and then head to the gym for a spin session. I do also want to open a bank acct...but I guess if I go with Bank of America I can just do it when I get back to Orlando:-)
Other than that...I can't really think of anything else I'm supposed to do.
It's rainy here today...but that's ok - the weekend was amazing! I'm so glad I didn't waste it. I ran twice this weekend - first run was just over 8 miles and yesterday I ran about 6. Im hoping to find new running routes once I move back and hopefully get more involved with a running club. All in good time.
As for other stuff - think good thoughts for kelly - she finds out today if she gets her Teach for America position.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself
Where did it all go wrong?
But the list goes on and on
Truth be told I miss you
Truth be told I'm lying
When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that's worth the damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool you're just as well hope it gives you hell
Now you'll never see
What you've done to me
You can take back your memories
They're no good to me
And here's all your lies
If you look me in the eyes
With the sad, sad look
That you wear so well
When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that's worth the damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool you're just as well hope it gives you hell
~All American Rejects
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay, okay. I know I've used this song as a pre-post - and pretty recently too. But it really is my song of the moment. Especially since I'm home in Philly for the weekend. Here's the lo-down:
-Doc's appt yesterday - KATIE IS A-OK! Yay for that! Basically the result is that I have IBS - so from now on I have to monitor my diet...which I already do and can continue to do. I'm even thinking of going partial raw for a lot of meals. I've been reading this one blog from a girl who is a raw vegan and she makes it seem so easy! So I might just steal some of her recipes.
-Today, April 17, is the most recent ex's birthday. Enough about that. This blog is about me.
-I'm going to see Netty tonight! I'm driving out to Reading to visit her and enjoy happy hour/dinner with her. It's been awhile since I've gone out to see her..and she's been really stressed because of Nursing school. I'm just hoping a friendly face will help a bit:-)
-I have several things to accomplish while I am home (until wed). I have to open a bank acct. I think I am going to enroll in summer courses at Cabrini (so I'd like to take care of that asap). I need to get my eyebrows done. I'm hoping to stop by a few schools in the area and drop off my resume for them to consider employing me so I don't have to take out a loan for grad school. I have to go and visit my dad. I also have to go to ikea with my mom to look at closet units because since I haven't lived at home in 7 or so years, they re-did all the rooms and my mom took out my original closet (which is just as well cause the one I had was awful.
-Tomorrow night (saturday), I'm going to see lotses of my friends! We're all going out and gonna have a good time! Yay:-)
So...as you can see...lots to accomplish.
As for how the song applies to this post....just the mood I'm in this morning:-)
But the list goes on and on
Truth be told I miss you
Truth be told I'm lying
When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that's worth the damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool you're just as well hope it gives you hell
Now you'll never see
What you've done to me
You can take back your memories
They're no good to me
And here's all your lies
If you look me in the eyes
With the sad, sad look
That you wear so well
When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that's worth the damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool you're just as well hope it gives you hell
~All American Rejects
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay, okay. I know I've used this song as a pre-post - and pretty recently too. But it really is my song of the moment. Especially since I'm home in Philly for the weekend. Here's the lo-down:
-Doc's appt yesterday - KATIE IS A-OK! Yay for that! Basically the result is that I have IBS - so from now on I have to monitor my diet...which I already do and can continue to do. I'm even thinking of going partial raw for a lot of meals. I've been reading this one blog from a girl who is a raw vegan and she makes it seem so easy! So I might just steal some of her recipes.
-Today, April 17, is the most recent ex's birthday. Enough about that. This blog is about me.
-I'm going to see Netty tonight! I'm driving out to Reading to visit her and enjoy happy hour/dinner with her. It's been awhile since I've gone out to see her..and she's been really stressed because of Nursing school. I'm just hoping a friendly face will help a bit:-)
-I have several things to accomplish while I am home (until wed). I have to open a bank acct. I think I am going to enroll in summer courses at Cabrini (so I'd like to take care of that asap). I need to get my eyebrows done. I'm hoping to stop by a few schools in the area and drop off my resume for them to consider employing me so I don't have to take out a loan for grad school. I have to go and visit my dad. I also have to go to ikea with my mom to look at closet units because since I haven't lived at home in 7 or so years, they re-did all the rooms and my mom took out my original closet (which is just as well cause the one I had was awful.
-Tomorrow night (saturday), I'm going to see lotses of my friends! We're all going out and gonna have a good time! Yay:-)
So...as you can see...lots to accomplish.
As for how the song applies to this post....just the mood I'm in this morning:-)
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
"hope it gives you hell...."
Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself
Where did it all go wrong?
But the list goes on and on
Truth be told I miss you
Truth be told I'm lying
When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
~All American Rejects
I think that song is pretty appropriate for this next part of my post. I found it via my livejournal friend. I thought it'd be interesting to do...
In a sentence or two, write what you learned from your past and present relationships. You don't have to list every boy or girlfriend you've ever had, just ones that you feel were/are important. Make sure you indicate how old you were during the relationship!
I'll probably list as many as I can think of...ha
Josh Graham taught me that I wouldn't be boyfriendless (as much as I thought I would be when I was the only one in middle school without a boyfriend): Age 13/14
Matt Stern taught me that if someone really cares about you, they'll wait for you (and don't have a zillion other things going on...ie swimming, nhs, classes and whatnot): Age 16
Mike Schmidt taught me how to feel really strongly about music and the words that are being said within songs: Age 16
Joe McKeontaught me that kissing can be VERY fun...and pretty much perfected my ability to kiss well: Age 16
Anthony (cant remember his last name) taught me it is possible to make another guy jealous...and that if you don't kiss a 16 year old boy at the end of a date...they won't want to take you out again. HAHA : Age 16
Derek Drechsel taught me how you can love someone completely and have them be your best friend all at the same time. He also taught me how it feels to lose the person you love the most in the most unexpected way and at the worst time....and that no matter how much time passes, you will always look back on that person as someone who will always be a part of your life. Age 17-22
Dave Wilson taught me that you can love someone so much even though you know you can't do anything about it....and that being the "good guy" doesn't always work out well in the end. (we never dated..but we might as well have...) Age 18
Sean Greene taught me that it is possible to make out with someone's ear (yes, he did that)...and he also taught me that I wasn't over derek the way I thought I was...Age 18
Paul Contino (despite never having dated him officially he's been one of my closest guy friends for a long time) has taught me that it's possible to be just friends with a guy. Age 18 - Present
TJ Hubbard taught me that it's possible to love a "rebound" and that when you're in your most vulnerable state, guys will "swoop" in to try and fix it....AND...that future girlfriends/wives will shut you out of their life. Age 21 - 24
Reagan Smith (again, never dated but another great guy friend) taught me and still teaches me to this day...that I am worth it...and I deserve to be with someone who is amazing. Age 21 - Present
Allan Wertheimer taught me that getting involved with guys who are younger can be fun...but not always the smartest idea. Age 23 - 25
Pat Brown taught me how intense love and heartache can be...and that no matter how much time passes...there will always be an attraction between certain people...always. Age 24 - Present
Simon Yorinks taught me that I can love Dave Matthews Band again....one of the BEST things I ever got out of a relationship. Age 25
Ben Elisha taught me that what you see isn't always what you get. Age 26
Ben Roma taught me a lesson I learned already...younger guys aren't always the best choice. That jumping in to things before you really know someone is a mistake...and that I am more comfortable with who I am now than I ever have been. So...in a way...thanks. Age 27
For all the guys to come.....I look forward to finding out what you can teach me....or what I can teach you.
GOOD LUCK! haha:-)
Where did it all go wrong?
But the list goes on and on
Truth be told I miss you
Truth be told I'm lying
When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
~All American Rejects
I think that song is pretty appropriate for this next part of my post. I found it via my livejournal friend. I thought it'd be interesting to do...
In a sentence or two, write what you learned from your past and present relationships. You don't have to list every boy or girlfriend you've ever had, just ones that you feel were/are important. Make sure you indicate how old you were during the relationship!
I'll probably list as many as I can think of...ha
Josh Graham taught me that I wouldn't be boyfriendless (as much as I thought I would be when I was the only one in middle school without a boyfriend): Age 13/14
Matt Stern taught me that if someone really cares about you, they'll wait for you (and don't have a zillion other things going on...ie swimming, nhs, classes and whatnot): Age 16
Mike Schmidt taught me how to feel really strongly about music and the words that are being said within songs: Age 16
Joe McKeontaught me that kissing can be VERY fun...and pretty much perfected my ability to kiss well: Age 16
Anthony (cant remember his last name) taught me it is possible to make another guy jealous...and that if you don't kiss a 16 year old boy at the end of a date...they won't want to take you out again. HAHA : Age 16
Derek Drechsel taught me how you can love someone completely and have them be your best friend all at the same time. He also taught me how it feels to lose the person you love the most in the most unexpected way and at the worst time....and that no matter how much time passes, you will always look back on that person as someone who will always be a part of your life. Age 17-22
Dave Wilson taught me that you can love someone so much even though you know you can't do anything about it....and that being the "good guy" doesn't always work out well in the end. (we never dated..but we might as well have...) Age 18
Sean Greene taught me that it is possible to make out with someone's ear (yes, he did that)...and he also taught me that I wasn't over derek the way I thought I was...Age 18
Paul Contino (despite never having dated him officially he's been one of my closest guy friends for a long time) has taught me that it's possible to be just friends with a guy. Age 18 - Present
TJ Hubbard taught me that it's possible to love a "rebound" and that when you're in your most vulnerable state, guys will "swoop" in to try and fix it....AND...that future girlfriends/wives will shut you out of their life. Age 21 - 24
Reagan Smith (again, never dated but another great guy friend) taught me and still teaches me to this day...that I am worth it...and I deserve to be with someone who is amazing. Age 21 - Present
Allan Wertheimer taught me that getting involved with guys who are younger can be fun...but not always the smartest idea. Age 23 - 25
Pat Brown taught me how intense love and heartache can be...and that no matter how much time passes...there will always be an attraction between certain people...always. Age 24 - Present
Simon Yorinks taught me that I can love Dave Matthews Band again....one of the BEST things I ever got out of a relationship. Age 25
Ben Elisha taught me that what you see isn't always what you get. Age 26
Ben Roma taught me a lesson I learned already...younger guys aren't always the best choice. That jumping in to things before you really know someone is a mistake...and that I am more comfortable with who I am now than I ever have been. So...in a way...thanks. Age 27
For all the guys to come.....I look forward to finding out what you can teach me....or what I can teach you.
GOOD LUCK! haha:-)
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
"but how we survive, is what makes us who we are"
Somewhere between happy, and total fucking wreck
Feet sometimes on solid ground, sometimes at the edge
To spend your waking moments, simply killing time
Is to give up on your hopes and dreams, to give up on your...
Life for you, has been less than kind
So take a number, stand in line
We've all been sorry, we've all been hurt
But how we survive, is what makes us who we are
An obvious disinterest, a barely managed smile
A deep nod in agreement, a status quo exile
I shirk my obligations, I miss all your deadlines
I excel at quitting early, and fucking up my life
Life for you, has been less than kind
So take a number, stand in line
We've all been sorry, we've all been hurt
But how we survive, is what makes us who we are
~Rise Against
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I found this band a few weeks ago...well I say "found" but really I had heard of them before. My friend Greg had recommended them to listen to for getting anger out...and while I was in the car with my friend Sean, he just gave me his compilation CD of these guys. They're awesome. I really resonate with their music and this song in particular. The first time I heard it I was like...yes. It's so true.
So what am I getting at? Well....to be entirely honest...I've had lots of ups and downs in the last few weeks. Lots of good! Some bad. And the moments when I just kind of was like...is this really my life? Sounds so dire right? Ha, it's not. I'm fine....I'm just a thinker:-)
It's the start of another new month...geez, it feels like I just wrote my "thank goodness it's march" post the other day. Hard to believe how quickly time goes! But, I have lots of things to look forward to this month too!
-This weekend, I'm heading to EPCOT for my friend Christy's farewell extravaganza. She wants to drink around the world:-) I won't be partaking in the drinking but definitely want to be there since I missed her engagement party (due to other personal issues).
-Next week I am working three days - Cheer Event in Daytona. Apparently this is the funnest event all season, so I'm looking forward to that...and to getting even more of a tan than I already have:-) (thanks baseball games!)
-Next weekend is Easter and Masters's weekend...so all in all should be fun. I can officially drink again! Yay for Easter Sunday Brunch:-) hehe
-The following week/weekend - I head home to Philly for a week (15th to the 22nd). I have a doc's appt and a weekend of debauchery in store with a group of my friends. Should be a good time.
-The weekend after that, I have the final Cheer event of the season here in Orlando. Sigh. It'll be sad (only because I probably won't see any of those people ever again...not because I'll miss the screaming cheerleaders).
-And the weekend after that is the first weekend in May!....which also has lots in store:-)
Here's hoping that I can score a few days at Golf Channel at the end of the month this month....just for a little extra money.
Elsewhere...the sad moments are few and far between but when they hit it just kind of feels like a brick hits me in the face. I was reading this blog when I realized that I have so much to look forward to as I get older. My twenties really are full of me wondering when "everything" is going to happen for me. I guess all I can hope is that I'm taking the right steps in the right direction in order for my "dreams" to become a reality.
Feet sometimes on solid ground, sometimes at the edge
To spend your waking moments, simply killing time
Is to give up on your hopes and dreams, to give up on your...
Life for you, has been less than kind
So take a number, stand in line
We've all been sorry, we've all been hurt
But how we survive, is what makes us who we are
An obvious disinterest, a barely managed smile
A deep nod in agreement, a status quo exile
I shirk my obligations, I miss all your deadlines
I excel at quitting early, and fucking up my life
Life for you, has been less than kind
So take a number, stand in line
We've all been sorry, we've all been hurt
But how we survive, is what makes us who we are
~Rise Against
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I found this band a few weeks ago...well I say "found" but really I had heard of them before. My friend Greg had recommended them to listen to for getting anger out...and while I was in the car with my friend Sean, he just gave me his compilation CD of these guys. They're awesome. I really resonate with their music and this song in particular. The first time I heard it I was like...yes. It's so true.
So what am I getting at? Well....to be entirely honest...I've had lots of ups and downs in the last few weeks. Lots of good! Some bad. And the moments when I just kind of was like...is this really my life? Sounds so dire right? Ha, it's not. I'm fine....I'm just a thinker:-)
It's the start of another new month...geez, it feels like I just wrote my "thank goodness it's march" post the other day. Hard to believe how quickly time goes! But, I have lots of things to look forward to this month too!
-This weekend, I'm heading to EPCOT for my friend Christy's farewell extravaganza. She wants to drink around the world:-) I won't be partaking in the drinking but definitely want to be there since I missed her engagement party (due to other personal issues).
-Next week I am working three days - Cheer Event in Daytona. Apparently this is the funnest event all season, so I'm looking forward to that...and to getting even more of a tan than I already have:-) (thanks baseball games!)
-Next weekend is Easter and Masters's weekend...so all in all should be fun. I can officially drink again! Yay for Easter Sunday Brunch:-) hehe
-The following week/weekend - I head home to Philly for a week (15th to the 22nd). I have a doc's appt and a weekend of debauchery in store with a group of my friends. Should be a good time.
-The weekend after that, I have the final Cheer event of the season here in Orlando. Sigh. It'll be sad (only because I probably won't see any of those people ever again...not because I'll miss the screaming cheerleaders).
-And the weekend after that is the first weekend in May!....which also has lots in store:-)
Here's hoping that I can score a few days at Golf Channel at the end of the month this month....just for a little extra money.
Elsewhere...the sad moments are few and far between but when they hit it just kind of feels like a brick hits me in the face. I was reading this blog when I realized that I have so much to look forward to as I get older. My twenties really are full of me wondering when "everything" is going to happen for me. I guess all I can hope is that I'm taking the right steps in the right direction in order for my "dreams" to become a reality.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
"all the Philly fella's livin' life as a profession!"
Yay for G. Love & Special Sauce! I heart them/him so much. He's so effing hot. Trust on this.
~~~~~~~~
So I haven't updated in about a week and a half..going on two weeks. It's been busy around here. I actually had two days of work this past week. It was supposed to be three..but alas, being efficient kicks my ass again. But in the last two weeks here's a run down of the things I did:-) hehe:
Four Spring Training Games (three phillies, one tigers)
Visited Paul in DC for the weekend
Worked two and a half days
G. Love & Special Sauce Concert
"Happy Trails" Party
Lots of working out.....
In regards to the last one...I even had someone tell me I looked skinny. Bonus...esp since I've been feeling pretty lazy lately. I have been upping my mileage in regards to my running. I tried to sign up for the Royal Parks Half Marathon in London this past week...but alas...the sight kept having some kind of error...so maybe it's a sign that I shouldn't do it. Besides, it'll be right in the middle of the semester and I probably won't be able to take the time off I want. Whatev's...next time. I have a good fall of running lined up anyway. I'm doing the Philly Distance Run in September (half)...and then I'm planning on signing up for the Full Philly Marathon this November...so I'm kind of looking for a run in October to give me one last boost before the big one in November. I'll be looking all over for another Half Marathon in October.
Elsewhere...I'm pretty sure I've come to a conclusion about guys. I started re-reading, "Better Single Than Sorry" by the chick who was on the bachelor and bachelorette. As I read each page I realize, I'm gonna be ok. I kind of had a breakdown of sorts on Monday because after having spent a weekend with Paul (all of his friends are couples), I think I got back here and kind of felt inadequate. Not with who I am, but that I knew something was missing. I am searching for that someone to compliment my life. I love my life. Don't misread that...but...I want to share all these things I'm doing, with them.
I get a daily horoscope in my email - last week, one of the horoscope's was talking about life and it included this profound quote, "Life doesn't necessarily get easier as you get older, you just learn how to handle things better". It's really true. If there's one thing I've learned it's that life isn't as easy as some people make it out to be. And honestly, in the moments when I feel like I'm alone, I also realize that everyone else is pretty much in the same position - whether they're married, single, divorced, etc. Everyone is just trying to do the best they can.
The other week I was talking to my friend Parker about some issues he's having with a girl and her insecurities. I've been there (in her shoes). It's interesting/weird to know that now I am in a position where I can help others with similar situations. At the time of the events that you're going through, you always ask the questions, "why?" or "why me?" I now know why. To help. Everyone needs a little help now and then...and the thing is...people are so afraid to ask for it. I don't know why.
I take that back, I do know why. Because most of us have instincts that tell us not to ask for help because it makes us seem weak. Personally, I think NOT asking for help makes us weak. I think it takes more strength to ask for help and say to yourself, "I can't do this alone". I shouldn't say can't. Can't is a weird word. It's more like, I won't do this alone. Because really, you can do anything on your own...but why would you want to do anything on your own? It pretty much leaves you without anyone close and keeping everyone/everything at a distance.
But I digress......I guess what I'm trying to say is exactly what G Love says, "livin' life as a profession".....just do what you can to live your life as best you can...and the rest will follow.
~~~~~~~~
So I haven't updated in about a week and a half..going on two weeks. It's been busy around here. I actually had two days of work this past week. It was supposed to be three..but alas, being efficient kicks my ass again. But in the last two weeks here's a run down of the things I did:-) hehe:
Four Spring Training Games (three phillies, one tigers)
Visited Paul in DC for the weekend
Worked two and a half days
G. Love & Special Sauce Concert
"Happy Trails" Party
Lots of working out.....
In regards to the last one...I even had someone tell me I looked skinny. Bonus...esp since I've been feeling pretty lazy lately. I have been upping my mileage in regards to my running. I tried to sign up for the Royal Parks Half Marathon in London this past week...but alas...the sight kept having some kind of error...so maybe it's a sign that I shouldn't do it. Besides, it'll be right in the middle of the semester and I probably won't be able to take the time off I want. Whatev's...next time. I have a good fall of running lined up anyway. I'm doing the Philly Distance Run in September (half)...and then I'm planning on signing up for the Full Philly Marathon this November...so I'm kind of looking for a run in October to give me one last boost before the big one in November. I'll be looking all over for another Half Marathon in October.
Elsewhere...I'm pretty sure I've come to a conclusion about guys. I started re-reading, "Better Single Than Sorry" by the chick who was on the bachelor and bachelorette. As I read each page I realize, I'm gonna be ok. I kind of had a breakdown of sorts on Monday because after having spent a weekend with Paul (all of his friends are couples), I think I got back here and kind of felt inadequate. Not with who I am, but that I knew something was missing. I am searching for that someone to compliment my life. I love my life. Don't misread that...but...I want to share all these things I'm doing, with them.
I get a daily horoscope in my email - last week, one of the horoscope's was talking about life and it included this profound quote, "Life doesn't necessarily get easier as you get older, you just learn how to handle things better". It's really true. If there's one thing I've learned it's that life isn't as easy as some people make it out to be. And honestly, in the moments when I feel like I'm alone, I also realize that everyone else is pretty much in the same position - whether they're married, single, divorced, etc. Everyone is just trying to do the best they can.
The other week I was talking to my friend Parker about some issues he's having with a girl and her insecurities. I've been there (in her shoes). It's interesting/weird to know that now I am in a position where I can help others with similar situations. At the time of the events that you're going through, you always ask the questions, "why?" or "why me?" I now know why. To help. Everyone needs a little help now and then...and the thing is...people are so afraid to ask for it. I don't know why.
I take that back, I do know why. Because most of us have instincts that tell us not to ask for help because it makes us seem weak. Personally, I think NOT asking for help makes us weak. I think it takes more strength to ask for help and say to yourself, "I can't do this alone". I shouldn't say can't. Can't is a weird word. It's more like, I won't do this alone. Because really, you can do anything on your own...but why would you want to do anything on your own? It pretty much leaves you without anyone close and keeping everyone/everything at a distance.
But I digress......I guess what I'm trying to say is exactly what G Love says, "livin' life as a profession".....just do what you can to live your life as best you can...and the rest will follow.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Take me out to the Baalllllll game....
Take me out with the crowd!
Buy me some peanuts and cracker jack
I don't care if I ever get back...
So let's root, ROOT root for the PHIIIIILLLLLIIIIEESSSS
If they don't win it's a shame!
For its ONE!
TWO!
THREE STRIKES You're out at the OLD BALL GAME!!!
Yay:-)
The last two days were awesome! Awesome awesome AWESOME!
I love baseball I really do. And tonight will be TONS OF FUN TOO!!!
Here are a few pics from the trip! Enjoy:-)
Buy me some peanuts and cracker jack
I don't care if I ever get back...
So let's root, ROOT root for the PHIIIIILLLLLIIIIEESSSS
If they don't win it's a shame!
For its ONE!
TWO!
THREE STRIKES You're out at the OLD BALL GAME!!!
Yay:-)
The last two days were awesome! Awesome awesome AWESOME!
I love baseball I really do. And tonight will be TONS OF FUN TOO!!!
Here are a few pics from the trip! Enjoy:-)
Monday, March 16, 2009
"brad lidge....stretches.....the oh two pitch..."
SWING AND A MISS!!!! STRUCK HIM OUUUUUUUTT!! THE PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES ARE 2008 WORLD CHAMPIONS OF BASEBALL!!!!!
Needless to say - I heart baseball. I heart baseball lotses:-)
This week is the beginning of baseball for me. yes, I know, it's been going on for a few weeks now...but I'm going to three spring training games this week. Can I just say how much I LOVE spring training games. Smaller stadiums..closer to the players (mmm baseball players, yum)...and definitely more intimate atmosphere.
Tomorrow and Wednesday I am making the trek down to Clearwater for two Phillies games and meeting up with my dad and family friend, Steve, for games at Bright House Field. Then Thursday I'm back in Orlando with my roommate and friend for a Braves/Tigers game (my roommate is a Kitties fan). I am so excited! I love watching baseball. I love it!
I guess my affection for America's Favorite Pastime started when I was pretty young. Growing up in the burb's of Philly, when the VET was still around, my dad would pile me and a few of the neighborhood kids into our old rabbit and venture down to South Philly - get a few 700 level tix and we'd all be up in the nosebleeds for the Sunday afternoon game:-) - usually there was some kind of giveaway too. I just remember sitting in those seats - watching the likes of my favorite ballplayer of all time (michael jack schmidt) - and loving every minute of it!
I remember 1993 - when the Phils (sadly - and much to my hatred for Joe Carter) lost in game 6 of the world series. And watching "Whatever it Takes Dude" video over and over and OVER again with Fur....(best phils memorabilia video ever) - ahhh Lenny Dykstra - what are you doing with yourself now?
And of course - this past year - when the Phils took the World series! I think I was destined to be a baseball fan. Why? Well, let's just say, the last time (prior to '08) that the Phils won a WS - was in October of 1980. I was born in July of 1981. You do the math:-)
Needless to say - I heart baseball. I heart baseball lotses:-)
This week is the beginning of baseball for me. yes, I know, it's been going on for a few weeks now...but I'm going to three spring training games this week. Can I just say how much I LOVE spring training games. Smaller stadiums..closer to the players (mmm baseball players, yum)...and definitely more intimate atmosphere.
Tomorrow and Wednesday I am making the trek down to Clearwater for two Phillies games and meeting up with my dad and family friend, Steve, for games at Bright House Field. Then Thursday I'm back in Orlando with my roommate and friend for a Braves/Tigers game (my roommate is a Kitties fan). I am so excited! I love watching baseball. I love it!
I guess my affection for America's Favorite Pastime started when I was pretty young. Growing up in the burb's of Philly, when the VET was still around, my dad would pile me and a few of the neighborhood kids into our old rabbit and venture down to South Philly - get a few 700 level tix and we'd all be up in the nosebleeds for the Sunday afternoon game:-) - usually there was some kind of giveaway too. I just remember sitting in those seats - watching the likes of my favorite ballplayer of all time (michael jack schmidt) - and loving every minute of it!
I remember 1993 - when the Phils (sadly - and much to my hatred for Joe Carter) lost in game 6 of the world series. And watching "Whatever it Takes Dude" video over and over and OVER again with Fur....(best phils memorabilia video ever) - ahhh Lenny Dykstra - what are you doing with yourself now?
And of course - this past year - when the Phils took the World series! I think I was destined to be a baseball fan. Why? Well, let's just say, the last time (prior to '08) that the Phils won a WS - was in October of 1980. I was born in July of 1981. You do the math:-)
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
It's like this and like that and like this and uh....
Well Im peepin, and Im creepin, and Im creep-in
But I damn near got caught, cause my beeper kept beepin
Now its time for me to make my impression felt
So sit back, relax, and strap on your seatbelt
You never been on a ride like this befo
With a producer who can rap and control the maestro
At the same time with the dope rhyme that I kick
You know, and I know, I flow some ol funky shit
To add to my collection, the selection
Symbolizes dope, take a toke, but dont choke
If ya do, ya have no clue
O what me and my homey snoop dogg came to do
Its like this and like that and like this and uh
Its like that and like this and like that and uh
Its like this, and we aint got no love for those
So jus chill, til the next episode
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ain't nothin' but a G Thang Baby!
Yeah - I went there. I'm odd. I know this. And anyone who takes one look at me would be like, um, katie, skin check! You're the whitest white girl out there. Yeah yeah, I know. But I can rap just as well as the rest of them! Trust me. You get enough liquor in me, and I'm all set:-) I wish Guitar Hero had more rap songs. The only one I've come across is the Beastie Boys "No Sleep Till Brooklyn" and while I love the Beasties, c'mon...I need a little bit more than that. (speaking of g-hero, must remember to change batteries in guitar today)
As like all of my other posts, these lyrics reference something going on in my life.
Last night, I was having another difficult time falling asleep so around 1:30ish I decided to go the old Nyquil route and pop a few caps (hah, Im a nerd) to help me sleep like a baby. Yep. It worked. Always does. (I do not recommend doing this all the time ladies and gents, but I'll be damned if it doesn't help you fall asleep without knowing what hit you) But I digress...
I was trying to fall asleep for a good two hours when I started to think about the most current ex and eventually my brain wandered to the others. Thinking back through the things that went wrong...why..who...you know, the five w's and the h. Thinking about how everything was like this and like that and like this....too much? Ok ok, enough of the Dre/Snoop references....
I kind of realized a few things about me and my exes(or I should say the ones that I pretty much know mean/meant so much more to me than just someone I'd call a guy I dated)...
I am the "transition" girl. I have yet to date a guy that will stay with me through their transition period in life. Case in point...when derek broke up with me, college was just about over and he wanted to figure out his next step in life.
Lets rewind a bit here...when derek and I dated, he was a bio/chem major at PSU. He didn't know what he was going to do after college. I suggested going to Med school but he didn't want to do that. So then I said, well what about grad school? You can get a PhD and then teach or do research. He worked in the labs at PSU and did lots of internships at various prestigious companies. But he kind of dismissed the idea. Fast forward to present day...He's attending graduate school. Earning his PhD. Doing research. Great idea!
Most recently, the guy that just broke up with me about three weeks ago...just landed himself a new job...wants to try and get his life together and start being more of an adult. Without me. Everything he and I talked about - about the kinds of things I went through when I was his age (he's two years younger) - are the things he said he wanted to do for himself. I was just oblivious to the fact that it would be without me. (now, keep in mind...our relationship was long distance. Him in Philly, me in Orlando..so it's not like I'd be around him all the time when he was trying to figure this stuff out..I just was grateful to know Id be able to be in his life). Of course when we started having a conversation about us and it went from us being together to literally him saying we should just be friends...I was dumbfounded and completely caught offguard. I thought things were so great!
What I'm trying to say here is that somehow, the ones that mean the most to me...tend to also be the ones that push me away. I don't know what it is. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong.
Hold up - forget that I wrote that. I didn't do anything wrong. Their reasons for breaking up with me had nothing to do with me. And the reason I know this is because of this....
There was a time in my life when I had to be completely selfish for the purposes of growth. I had a transition period. In fact, I'm pretty certain that our entire 20's is a transition period. Most of my friends in their 30's say how much they love them and that when they look back on their 20s they laugh and think about how they're glad for the experiences but would never want to go through them again. Gee, I thought that was supposed to be adolescence we said that about? But to make my point.....for as hurt and upset as I am/was about the circumstances in which both of these guys broke it off with me...I get it. In the long run...it was probably necessary...
When I went through my selfish phase, I did a lot of things I am not really all that proud of. I don't regret any of my life...I just know that there were things that I did that I would definitely not do now. But, you live and you learn, right? The only thing I remember about that time in my life (compared to the time right now) is that back then I didn't have as big of a support group then as I do now. I think that all comes with time anyway.
But I damn near got caught, cause my beeper kept beepin
Now its time for me to make my impression felt
So sit back, relax, and strap on your seatbelt
You never been on a ride like this befo
With a producer who can rap and control the maestro
At the same time with the dope rhyme that I kick
You know, and I know, I flow some ol funky shit
To add to my collection, the selection
Symbolizes dope, take a toke, but dont choke
If ya do, ya have no clue
O what me and my homey snoop dogg came to do
Its like this and like that and like this and uh
Its like that and like this and like that and uh
Its like this, and we aint got no love for those
So jus chill, til the next episode
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ain't nothin' but a G Thang Baby!
Yeah - I went there. I'm odd. I know this. And anyone who takes one look at me would be like, um, katie, skin check! You're the whitest white girl out there. Yeah yeah, I know. But I can rap just as well as the rest of them! Trust me. You get enough liquor in me, and I'm all set:-) I wish Guitar Hero had more rap songs. The only one I've come across is the Beastie Boys "No Sleep Till Brooklyn" and while I love the Beasties, c'mon...I need a little bit more than that. (speaking of g-hero, must remember to change batteries in guitar today)
As like all of my other posts, these lyrics reference something going on in my life.
Last night, I was having another difficult time falling asleep so around 1:30ish I decided to go the old Nyquil route and pop a few caps (hah, Im a nerd) to help me sleep like a baby. Yep. It worked. Always does. (I do not recommend doing this all the time ladies and gents, but I'll be damned if it doesn't help you fall asleep without knowing what hit you) But I digress...
I was trying to fall asleep for a good two hours when I started to think about the most current ex and eventually my brain wandered to the others. Thinking back through the things that went wrong...why..who...you know, the five w's and the h. Thinking about how everything was like this and like that and like this....too much? Ok ok, enough of the Dre/Snoop references....
I kind of realized a few things about me and my exes(or I should say the ones that I pretty much know mean/meant so much more to me than just someone I'd call a guy I dated)...
I am the "transition" girl. I have yet to date a guy that will stay with me through their transition period in life. Case in point...when derek broke up with me, college was just about over and he wanted to figure out his next step in life.
Lets rewind a bit here...when derek and I dated, he was a bio/chem major at PSU. He didn't know what he was going to do after college. I suggested going to Med school but he didn't want to do that. So then I said, well what about grad school? You can get a PhD and then teach or do research. He worked in the labs at PSU and did lots of internships at various prestigious companies. But he kind of dismissed the idea. Fast forward to present day...He's attending graduate school. Earning his PhD. Doing research. Great idea!
Most recently, the guy that just broke up with me about three weeks ago...just landed himself a new job...wants to try and get his life together and start being more of an adult. Without me. Everything he and I talked about - about the kinds of things I went through when I was his age (he's two years younger) - are the things he said he wanted to do for himself. I was just oblivious to the fact that it would be without me. (now, keep in mind...our relationship was long distance. Him in Philly, me in Orlando..so it's not like I'd be around him all the time when he was trying to figure this stuff out..I just was grateful to know Id be able to be in his life). Of course when we started having a conversation about us and it went from us being together to literally him saying we should just be friends...I was dumbfounded and completely caught offguard. I thought things were so great!
What I'm trying to say here is that somehow, the ones that mean the most to me...tend to also be the ones that push me away. I don't know what it is. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong.
Hold up - forget that I wrote that. I didn't do anything wrong. Their reasons for breaking up with me had nothing to do with me. And the reason I know this is because of this....
There was a time in my life when I had to be completely selfish for the purposes of growth. I had a transition period. In fact, I'm pretty certain that our entire 20's is a transition period. Most of my friends in their 30's say how much they love them and that when they look back on their 20s they laugh and think about how they're glad for the experiences but would never want to go through them again. Gee, I thought that was supposed to be adolescence we said that about? But to make my point.....for as hurt and upset as I am/was about the circumstances in which both of these guys broke it off with me...I get it. In the long run...it was probably necessary...
When I went through my selfish phase, I did a lot of things I am not really all that proud of. I don't regret any of my life...I just know that there were things that I did that I would definitely not do now. But, you live and you learn, right? The only thing I remember about that time in my life (compared to the time right now) is that back then I didn't have as big of a support group then as I do now. I think that all comes with time anyway.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Part of where I'm going, is knowing where I'm coming from
I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
~Gavin DeGraw
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Much love for Gavin. I liked him way before this song was used for One Tree Hill's theme song. And (guilty as charged) I do watch it - and the reruns:-) I can't help it!
So much of this song rings true for me on a daily basis. I just want to be me. Unfortunately, lately, I haven't felt all that much like myself. I'm happy - don't get me wrong..but there's just something that's missing.
I just looked at some pictures of myself and I'm like - how it is possible I look this fat, when I know I'm working out tons and eating right? I thought I was finally happy with how I look? I guess it will always be a constant struggle. Of course, usually when I get obsessive about my appearance its because something else is bothering me.
What's going on right now.....I'm still not working - I have cheer this coming weekend - but I think it's only two days instead of three which is kind of a bummer. I seemingly keep spending money where I know I shouldn't. Blah. I'm really a good person to keep control of my finances...but when you're bored..all you want to do is spend money. I need to find a hobby that keeps me from doing this. I told Paul I'd make him some comic strips (yes, with stick figures because my drawing is for crap hah!) but nonetheless - I'll do something:-) What else....um well I've been catching up on lots of other things - like reading...hah! Well honestly - I've been reading this blog. It's kind of nice to read what the opposite sex goes through in their single adventures.
I've been keeping myself busy the last week. And honestly - it's been pretty nice. I hung out with Simon twice last week - Wed night and Thursday night. Not sure what that deal is - but - nonetheless - it's nice to get out of the house. And I saw his new house and we had some good conversations so that was nice. We haven't really hung out since we dated...so it was a little different. Friday night I went out with Rich - dinner and the movies. It was SO AWESOME to catch up with him. I haven't seen/hung out with him in a while..not since he came over for the FLA/TENN game and beyond that - bowling. We had the opportunity to reflect on lots of things...and we're both on the same thought process for stuff in our lives:-) He's such a great guy. Saturday I didn't do much - Yoga and picked up my race packet for the Disney Princess Half Marathon on Sunday morning. Tried to go to bed early - to avoid one less hour of sleep from Daylight Savings time - but alas - my efforts were all for naught. I ended up taking nyquil to help me fall asleep. It was just one of those nights where I just couldnt turn off my brain. Annoying! Sunday I jogged/walked the race with Laurie:-) It was her first one - and I had no problem just being there for her. I wills ay that I am definitely signing up for the Philly Distance Run in September and then I think (gulp) the FULL MARATHON in Philly in November. I loved this run last year - as I only did the Half - but I really think I'm ready for a Full and what better place to do it than in Philly?! My love of loves:-) Went to Aroma for Brunch and stayed there for a good five hours - came home and played some guitar hero and promptly passed out after a few phone calls. I was beat! It was a great night sleep though - 9 full hours! Haven't done that in awhile.
I think the reason I dont think Im as thin is because Im pretty much sitting all day - maybe today i'll go for a walk and see if that helps a bit as Im used to walking around at work a lot more.
Lots of awesome stuff on the horizon for Katie! Upcoming this week - working this weekend - Darryl's bday extravaganza (Saturday night) and possibly simon's - he was talking about having a st pattys day party/housewarming party - we'll see how that goes. Next week is the doozy! Dad and Steve are down for a few days to see some Spring Training Baseball! I'll be joining them on the 17th and 18th! and then the 19th is another game here in Otown. Friday I leave for DC to visit Paul! Cant wait to hang out - do yoga - enjoy awesome company - and have awesome brunch! yay! The weekend after that - I've got GLOVE tickets for the 27th - and a relatively free weekend (of course things will probably pop up! And that's until the end of March! I can't wait!
Just keep on being myself - and the rest will follow:-)
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
~Gavin DeGraw
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Much love for Gavin. I liked him way before this song was used for One Tree Hill's theme song. And (guilty as charged) I do watch it - and the reruns:-) I can't help it!
So much of this song rings true for me on a daily basis. I just want to be me. Unfortunately, lately, I haven't felt all that much like myself. I'm happy - don't get me wrong..but there's just something that's missing.
I just looked at some pictures of myself and I'm like - how it is possible I look this fat, when I know I'm working out tons and eating right? I thought I was finally happy with how I look? I guess it will always be a constant struggle. Of course, usually when I get obsessive about my appearance its because something else is bothering me.
What's going on right now.....I'm still not working - I have cheer this coming weekend - but I think it's only two days instead of three which is kind of a bummer. I seemingly keep spending money where I know I shouldn't. Blah. I'm really a good person to keep control of my finances...but when you're bored..all you want to do is spend money. I need to find a hobby that keeps me from doing this. I told Paul I'd make him some comic strips (yes, with stick figures because my drawing is for crap hah!) but nonetheless - I'll do something:-) What else....um well I've been catching up on lots of other things - like reading...hah! Well honestly - I've been reading this blog. It's kind of nice to read what the opposite sex goes through in their single adventures.
I've been keeping myself busy the last week. And honestly - it's been pretty nice. I hung out with Simon twice last week - Wed night and Thursday night. Not sure what that deal is - but - nonetheless - it's nice to get out of the house. And I saw his new house and we had some good conversations so that was nice. We haven't really hung out since we dated...so it was a little different. Friday night I went out with Rich - dinner and the movies. It was SO AWESOME to catch up with him. I haven't seen/hung out with him in a while..not since he came over for the FLA/TENN game and beyond that - bowling. We had the opportunity to reflect on lots of things...and we're both on the same thought process for stuff in our lives:-) He's such a great guy. Saturday I didn't do much - Yoga and picked up my race packet for the Disney Princess Half Marathon on Sunday morning. Tried to go to bed early - to avoid one less hour of sleep from Daylight Savings time - but alas - my efforts were all for naught. I ended up taking nyquil to help me fall asleep. It was just one of those nights where I just couldnt turn off my brain. Annoying! Sunday I jogged/walked the race with Laurie:-) It was her first one - and I had no problem just being there for her. I wills ay that I am definitely signing up for the Philly Distance Run in September and then I think (gulp) the FULL MARATHON in Philly in November. I loved this run last year - as I only did the Half - but I really think I'm ready for a Full and what better place to do it than in Philly?! My love of loves:-) Went to Aroma for Brunch and stayed there for a good five hours - came home and played some guitar hero and promptly passed out after a few phone calls. I was beat! It was a great night sleep though - 9 full hours! Haven't done that in awhile.
I think the reason I dont think Im as thin is because Im pretty much sitting all day - maybe today i'll go for a walk and see if that helps a bit as Im used to walking around at work a lot more.
Lots of awesome stuff on the horizon for Katie! Upcoming this week - working this weekend - Darryl's bday extravaganza (Saturday night) and possibly simon's - he was talking about having a st pattys day party/housewarming party - we'll see how that goes. Next week is the doozy! Dad and Steve are down for a few days to see some Spring Training Baseball! I'll be joining them on the 17th and 18th! and then the 19th is another game here in Otown. Friday I leave for DC to visit Paul! Cant wait to hang out - do yoga - enjoy awesome company - and have awesome brunch! yay! The weekend after that - I've got GLOVE tickets for the 27th - and a relatively free weekend (of course things will probably pop up! And that's until the end of March! I can't wait!
Just keep on being myself - and the rest will follow:-)
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Does it hurt...
To know I'll never be there?
Bet it sucks
To see my face everywhere
It was you
Who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
You knew
Exactly what you would do
Don't say
You simply lost your way
She may believe you
But I never will
Never again
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That's it. I'm done. I'm not over it - but I'm just - I'm done. I can't do it anymore. I have enough friends. And although I feel bad about "giving up" on someone who's a "friend" but really - he's not a friend. Friends don't treat you this way.
Who the eff (as a friend) doesn't say ANYTHING when you tell them you miss them? What the ef?
And so - I'm done. I'm finished. I am disappointed in his behavior (I know, shouldn't I already be?) Well - I guess I'm at the last straw. I'm done. I don't want to do this any more. I just can't deal with this "will he won't he" crap. I'm just.
I'm done.
Bet it sucks
To see my face everywhere
It was you
Who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
You knew
Exactly what you would do
Don't say
You simply lost your way
She may believe you
But I never will
Never again
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That's it. I'm done. I'm not over it - but I'm just - I'm done. I can't do it anymore. I have enough friends. And although I feel bad about "giving up" on someone who's a "friend" but really - he's not a friend. Friends don't treat you this way.
Who the eff (as a friend) doesn't say ANYTHING when you tell them you miss them? What the ef?
And so - I'm done. I'm finished. I am disappointed in his behavior (I know, shouldn't I already be?) Well - I guess I'm at the last straw. I'm done. I don't want to do this any more. I just can't deal with this "will he won't he" crap. I'm just.
I'm done.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Put on your pretty lies
..... you're in the city of wonder
Ain't gon' play nice, watch out you might just go under
Better think twice, your train of thought will be altered
So if you must falter be wise
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's a Rihanna kind of morning.
Nothing major to report of on the homefront. I have to call my boss at GC today - to find out if they're going to need me this week or even this month. yikes. No fear though - I have a backup plan.
As for yesterday. I was extremely tired - but pushed through it anyway. Its abnormally cold here in FLA so I stuck to inside workouts. Did Yoga X and then went to spin class last night. Felt really good after both workouts - but pretty much had dinner and crashed last night. SO TIRED! I slept from 1030ish until 830ish today. That is, until Maya woke me up cause Deuce went to the VET today and she was kind of all out of sorts cause hes not here. Poor puppy:-(
Anyway - I'm just chillin' today. Probably head to the gym after 1 and get in a good workout - maybe even lift. I still haven't gone running since last week - so maybe I'll do that on the treadmill today - cause it's still pretty chilly here. Although - I've run in MUCH colder temps - but I guess I figure if I don't have to, I'm not going to. I'm still undecided on the Half Marathon on Sunday. Part of me says do it - the other part says just bag it. I hate just skipping it though. I mean - come on katie - what's you're deal?!
Elsewhere - I'm kind of blah. I'm trying to stay happy/positive and just move on - it's so difficult though. I have yet to tell him I miss him - which is pretty much the first thing I want to tell him any time I talk to him (which hasn't been since Friday btw)...but he isn't about to tell me that he misses me. He probably doesn't and probably has forgotten all about me anyway. (there I go, worst case senario again). I was reading a friend's facebook profile - in the section that had quotes and there was one quote there that said, "Girls always think the worst and expect the the most" or soemthing like that. I thought - how true. At least - in my case. I only think the worst when I don't know what's going on. It's just a natural instinct. I guess in a way so that when things do go well, I can be happily surprised or just happy.
bum bum be dum bum bum be dum dum!
Ain't gon' play nice, watch out you might just go under
Better think twice, your train of thought will be altered
So if you must falter be wise
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's a Rihanna kind of morning.
Nothing major to report of on the homefront. I have to call my boss at GC today - to find out if they're going to need me this week or even this month. yikes. No fear though - I have a backup plan.
As for yesterday. I was extremely tired - but pushed through it anyway. Its abnormally cold here in FLA so I stuck to inside workouts. Did Yoga X and then went to spin class last night. Felt really good after both workouts - but pretty much had dinner and crashed last night. SO TIRED! I slept from 1030ish until 830ish today. That is, until Maya woke me up cause Deuce went to the VET today and she was kind of all out of sorts cause hes not here. Poor puppy:-(
Anyway - I'm just chillin' today. Probably head to the gym after 1 and get in a good workout - maybe even lift. I still haven't gone running since last week - so maybe I'll do that on the treadmill today - cause it's still pretty chilly here. Although - I've run in MUCH colder temps - but I guess I figure if I don't have to, I'm not going to. I'm still undecided on the Half Marathon on Sunday. Part of me says do it - the other part says just bag it. I hate just skipping it though. I mean - come on katie - what's you're deal?!
Elsewhere - I'm kind of blah. I'm trying to stay happy/positive and just move on - it's so difficult though. I have yet to tell him I miss him - which is pretty much the first thing I want to tell him any time I talk to him (which hasn't been since Friday btw)...but he isn't about to tell me that he misses me. He probably doesn't and probably has forgotten all about me anyway. (there I go, worst case senario again). I was reading a friend's facebook profile - in the section that had quotes and there was one quote there that said, "Girls always think the worst and expect the the most" or soemthing like that. I thought - how true. At least - in my case. I only think the worst when I don't know what's going on. It's just a natural instinct. I guess in a way so that when things do go well, I can be happily surprised or just happy.
bum bum be dum bum bum be dum dum!
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Should've known better when you came around...
That you were gonna make me cry...
It's breaking my heart to watch you run around
Cause I know that you're living a lie
That's okay baby cause in time you will find
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whew - so it's March - FINALLY!!!!
I'm kind of bummin' this morning. And something funky is up with my eyes. I'm trying to figure out what it is...but my eyelids are like all puffy - kind of like theyre having an allergic reaction to something. What it is, I don't know. Yesterday I wore my glasses all day. Amazing how different people react to you when you're wearing glasses versus contacts. It was like middle school all over again. I guess unless you wear super posh glasses, people don't really look beyond the glasses. Bleh.
Yesterday was a relatively easy day at work. Fun. Kind of. But today will most likely be way tougher. I had a PA yesterday, which was nice...but today is when I couldve really used it. Blah. Whatev's. We had dinner last night at the restaurant downstairs from the hotel. Amanda and Craig are hilarious:-) It was awesome to hang out with them again. I'm gonna try and get a pic with them today - just cause - who knows when I'll see them again? Plus, I'm gonna take a pic of the hotel room - super nice! Not THE best one I've ever stayed at - but seriously cool. There's a sliding glass door to the bathroom. ya - you read that right.
I kind of want to escape. I wish I was leaving tomorrow to go somewhere exotic - not back to Orlando - where I feel like nothing is waiting for me.
The month of March - as I mentioned in my last blog - has lots waiting for me.
Looking forward to the most? The third week of the month - Spring Training/DC Trip
Looking forward to the least? As ashamed as I am to say this, my Half marathon:-(
I really REALLY don't want to mail it in on this run - but I don't see how I'm going to do any better than my Philly time. I haven't been training for it. I guess I'll just go and do the best I can...and get ready to sign up for the Philly Full for November and get my butt into gear.
In other fitness news - I was going to join a yoga gym but I think I'll have to put that on hold until I have work again. I keep spending money that I don't necessarily have. So I guess I'll just do the P90X yoga. It's pretty tough anyway. And I like it. So I guess it all balances out. And since I probably won't be working all this week - I'll have plenty of time to catch up on my exercise since I obviously didn't workout yesterday nor will I today (but at least I'm walking all over the place). Plus! No sweets and Drinks! And trust me, that's a LOT HARDER than you realize when you're on a shoot where craft services is like all bad stuff.
Le sigh. Just one more day of screaming teens. Hopefully my patience with them will come back to me in a good way.
It's breaking my heart to watch you run around
Cause I know that you're living a lie
That's okay baby cause in time you will find
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whew - so it's March - FINALLY!!!!
I'm kind of bummin' this morning. And something funky is up with my eyes. I'm trying to figure out what it is...but my eyelids are like all puffy - kind of like theyre having an allergic reaction to something. What it is, I don't know. Yesterday I wore my glasses all day. Amazing how different people react to you when you're wearing glasses versus contacts. It was like middle school all over again. I guess unless you wear super posh glasses, people don't really look beyond the glasses. Bleh.
Yesterday was a relatively easy day at work. Fun. Kind of. But today will most likely be way tougher. I had a PA yesterday, which was nice...but today is when I couldve really used it. Blah. Whatev's. We had dinner last night at the restaurant downstairs from the hotel. Amanda and Craig are hilarious:-) It was awesome to hang out with them again. I'm gonna try and get a pic with them today - just cause - who knows when I'll see them again? Plus, I'm gonna take a pic of the hotel room - super nice! Not THE best one I've ever stayed at - but seriously cool. There's a sliding glass door to the bathroom. ya - you read that right.
I kind of want to escape. I wish I was leaving tomorrow to go somewhere exotic - not back to Orlando - where I feel like nothing is waiting for me.
The month of March - as I mentioned in my last blog - has lots waiting for me.
Looking forward to the most? The third week of the month - Spring Training/DC Trip
Looking forward to the least? As ashamed as I am to say this, my Half marathon:-(
I really REALLY don't want to mail it in on this run - but I don't see how I'm going to do any better than my Philly time. I haven't been training for it. I guess I'll just go and do the best I can...and get ready to sign up for the Philly Full for November and get my butt into gear.
In other fitness news - I was going to join a yoga gym but I think I'll have to put that on hold until I have work again. I keep spending money that I don't necessarily have. So I guess I'll just do the P90X yoga. It's pretty tough anyway. And I like it. So I guess it all balances out. And since I probably won't be working all this week - I'll have plenty of time to catch up on my exercise since I obviously didn't workout yesterday nor will I today (but at least I'm walking all over the place). Plus! No sweets and Drinks! And trust me, that's a LOT HARDER than you realize when you're on a shoot where craft services is like all bad stuff.
Le sigh. Just one more day of screaming teens. Hopefully my patience with them will come back to me in a good way.
Friday, February 27, 2009
So live ya life....
You steady chasin' that paper
Just live your life....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If there's one thing that February has taught me it's that things can change in the blink of an eye. What was once something you could've been so sure about...can be taken away from you because of someone else's unsureness. What was once a steady job, can be taken away in the snap of a finger because of overages on budgets.
Let's just say - I WILL BE EXTREMELY HAPPY ONCE FEBRUARY IS GONE! It just always seems to fall that way with me. Last February wasn't that great either:-( - remember the Football Fiasco? Yeah - well - this time around - different shit - same shitty outcome.
I got a call this afternoon from my "steady" freelance gig at GC. Turns out they went over on budgets so far this year and told me they won't need me next week. Who knows if they'll need me the week after that! And while I'm kind of bummed about it - in a way - I'm almost kind of like - well - maybe everything is falling in to place the way it should be?
And I'm done talking about the guy situation right now. I think I effed up royally last night - another story, another time. I don't want to keep letting it interfere with me "living my life"!
So right now I'm in Dallas for this Cheer shoot this weekend - I get back to Orlando on Monday. No work all week. I guess it gives me a chance to work on my workouts:-) Only plus. That also reminds me that I need to email my latest invoice so I can get some cay-sh.
le sigh. "right now, hey, it's your tomorrow. right now, come on its everything. right now. catch you magic moment do it right here and now it means everything!" Funny that that song comes on just as I'm writing this. More and more I am believing that God has a plan for me - bigger than the plans I had for myself. I never really thought it might be possible that my fate doesn't rest in my own hands...but Im starting to think that there is only so much we can do with what we're given...and from there we work through the stuff that's given to us. No? maybe I'm talking out of my ass...but seriously..."what am I waiting for?!"
My life has already started. Im in the moment. Im in the process of living my life. It's time to start doing instead of saying, "well maybe this" or "maybe that". I need to just do it.
I am determined to turn these negatives into positives!
Just live your life....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If there's one thing that February has taught me it's that things can change in the blink of an eye. What was once something you could've been so sure about...can be taken away from you because of someone else's unsureness. What was once a steady job, can be taken away in the snap of a finger because of overages on budgets.
Let's just say - I WILL BE EXTREMELY HAPPY ONCE FEBRUARY IS GONE! It just always seems to fall that way with me. Last February wasn't that great either:-( - remember the Football Fiasco? Yeah - well - this time around - different shit - same shitty outcome.
I got a call this afternoon from my "steady" freelance gig at GC. Turns out they went over on budgets so far this year and told me they won't need me next week. Who knows if they'll need me the week after that! And while I'm kind of bummed about it - in a way - I'm almost kind of like - well - maybe everything is falling in to place the way it should be?
And I'm done talking about the guy situation right now. I think I effed up royally last night - another story, another time. I don't want to keep letting it interfere with me "living my life"!
So right now I'm in Dallas for this Cheer shoot this weekend - I get back to Orlando on Monday. No work all week. I guess it gives me a chance to work on my workouts:-) Only plus. That also reminds me that I need to email my latest invoice so I can get some cay-sh.
le sigh. "right now, hey, it's your tomorrow. right now, come on its everything. right now. catch you magic moment do it right here and now it means everything!" Funny that that song comes on just as I'm writing this. More and more I am believing that God has a plan for me - bigger than the plans I had for myself. I never really thought it might be possible that my fate doesn't rest in my own hands...but Im starting to think that there is only so much we can do with what we're given...and from there we work through the stuff that's given to us. No? maybe I'm talking out of my ass...but seriously..."what am I waiting for?!"
My life has already started. Im in the moment. Im in the process of living my life. It's time to start doing instead of saying, "well maybe this" or "maybe that". I need to just do it.
I am determined to turn these negatives into positives!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
what a difference a week makes....
Two! Count them! TWO days that I've gone where I haven't cried. I'm pretty proud of myself. To be honest, I think I'm all cried out. Not that I'm still not sad....but....it's time to stop crying. It's time to figure some shiz out...and keep going.
Duh katie, everyone's been telling you this. Yeah well...I never claimed to be "with it" all the time. Some times I'm a little slow on the uptake. That being said....I'm not over the situation. It's still there - but I'm trying to compartmentalize it...my dad said it best to me last night, "It's running your life right now katie and you can't keep letting it do that" He's right - on so many levels.
As for the actual situation, well, it's the same as it was....just less crying on my end. I don't know how much more I'm going to talk about it on here....I just kind of feel like I've said everything I needed/wanted to say. It's all the same shiz anyway....so no one wants to keep rereading it - I certainly want to stop talking about it. We do still talk though - so, yeah, there's that.
As for other going's on!
I did yoga for the second time last night. I really think I've found a new love! I really like the way my body feels after the workout. I've been using the P90X DVD's that my roommate has - it's pretty effin tough! There's a few studios here in O-town that I'm thinking about going to - now that I kind of have the whole thing down. There's a Bikram one and just a regular one. They're pretty reasonably priced - so we'll see. I think I'll look into it after I get back from Dallas.
I applied for Teach for America a few weeks ago. I did not get "accepted" so to speak. They ask about doing a second interview. Meh - whatev's. I'm not heartbroken about it. BUT! Kelly got the phone interview! So lots of good thoughts to her! I'm super duper stoked for her.
I went to church on Sunday and am planning on going again tonight. Today is Ash Wednesday, for all those non-catholics....which means, it's the start of LENT. And boy do I have a doozy of a statement coming up. The idea behind Lent is a call to share in the suffering love of Jesus, especially by giving up sin and sinful attitudes and walking in the path of love and service. The season begins with Ash Wednesday
, when the priest smears ash on the foreheads of Christians as a reminder that we are created from dust and to dust we shall return. Now, I am by no means a fully fledged follower of Christianity/Catholicism anymore, but I do still go to Unity Church (which I can tell you had done wonders for my person esteem and faith) and there is an Ash Wednesday service tonight. Im planning on going. As the description says, the idea is to give something up for Lent that is "sinful". When I was younger, I can remember giving up pizza on fridays, or candy or something really tough for kids to do. It's amazing how as I've gotten older, I am giving up the same things I did as a kid. This Lenten season, I am giving up sweets and drinking. YIKES! I did just say that. Am I doing this for Lent? Not necessarily. Am I doing this for better health and to save money? YES YES YES! Lent is just something to "blame" it on. HA! Its hard enough being an adult and telling people you don't drink that much - atleast now I can blame it on something else....and when it comes to religion...people don't question it.
I think it's interesting that people will question your desire to do anything until you say its for your religion or its because of your faith. In my experience, as soon as I say something like that, people automatically do not question it. In a way I think it's kind of nice because as we know, we live in America and we're all entitled to believe in whatever we want....but in a way, it's kind of sad too. I don't think people talk enough about religion. I think people are afraid of it. Religion and Religious History is SO fascinating to me. I mean, entire civilizations were created and destroyed due to it! How does that not fascinate people? I don't know, I guess I'm alone in that.
But I digress.....other ongoings....I'm heading to Dallas this weekend for another Cheer event. It's gonna be crazy busy - but at least its something to keep my mind off of things. Just gotta get through today and tomorrow and I need to figure out how I'm getting to the airport on Friday Morning - I'm thinking I should just get a taxi - but ah, who knows.
Anyway - let's try to go for three days in a row - although - I am going to church tonight so I think the streak might be over.
Duh katie, everyone's been telling you this. Yeah well...I never claimed to be "with it" all the time. Some times I'm a little slow on the uptake. That being said....I'm not over the situation. It's still there - but I'm trying to compartmentalize it...my dad said it best to me last night, "It's running your life right now katie and you can't keep letting it do that" He's right - on so many levels.
As for the actual situation, well, it's the same as it was....just less crying on my end. I don't know how much more I'm going to talk about it on here....I just kind of feel like I've said everything I needed/wanted to say. It's all the same shiz anyway....so no one wants to keep rereading it - I certainly want to stop talking about it. We do still talk though - so, yeah, there's that.
As for other going's on!
I did yoga for the second time last night. I really think I've found a new love! I really like the way my body feels after the workout. I've been using the P90X DVD's that my roommate has - it's pretty effin tough! There's a few studios here in O-town that I'm thinking about going to - now that I kind of have the whole thing down. There's a Bikram one and just a regular one. They're pretty reasonably priced - so we'll see. I think I'll look into it after I get back from Dallas.
I applied for Teach for America a few weeks ago. I did not get "accepted" so to speak. They ask about doing a second interview. Meh - whatev's. I'm not heartbroken about it. BUT! Kelly got the phone interview! So lots of good thoughts to her! I'm super duper stoked for her.
I went to church on Sunday and am planning on going again tonight. Today is Ash Wednesday, for all those non-catholics....which means, it's the start of LENT. And boy do I have a doozy of a statement coming up. The idea behind Lent is a call to share in the suffering love of Jesus, especially by giving up sin and sinful attitudes and walking in the path of love and service. The season begins with Ash Wednesday
, when the priest smears ash on the foreheads of Christians as a reminder that we are created from dust and to dust we shall return. Now, I am by no means a fully fledged follower of Christianity/Catholicism anymore, but I do still go to Unity Church (which I can tell you had done wonders for my person esteem and faith) and there is an Ash Wednesday service tonight. Im planning on going. As the description says, the idea is to give something up for Lent that is "sinful". When I was younger, I can remember giving up pizza on fridays, or candy or something really tough for kids to do. It's amazing how as I've gotten older, I am giving up the same things I did as a kid. This Lenten season, I am giving up sweets and drinking. YIKES! I did just say that. Am I doing this for Lent? Not necessarily. Am I doing this for better health and to save money? YES YES YES! Lent is just something to "blame" it on. HA! Its hard enough being an adult and telling people you don't drink that much - atleast now I can blame it on something else....and when it comes to religion...people don't question it.
I think it's interesting that people will question your desire to do anything until you say its for your religion or its because of your faith. In my experience, as soon as I say something like that, people automatically do not question it. In a way I think it's kind of nice because as we know, we live in America and we're all entitled to believe in whatever we want....but in a way, it's kind of sad too. I don't think people talk enough about religion. I think people are afraid of it. Religion and Religious History is SO fascinating to me. I mean, entire civilizations were created and destroyed due to it! How does that not fascinate people? I don't know, I guess I'm alone in that.
But I digress.....other ongoings....I'm heading to Dallas this weekend for another Cheer event. It's gonna be crazy busy - but at least its something to keep my mind off of things. Just gotta get through today and tomorrow and I need to figure out how I'm getting to the airport on Friday Morning - I'm thinking I should just get a taxi - but ah, who knows.
Anyway - let's try to go for three days in a row - although - I am going to church tonight so I think the streak might be over.
Friday, February 20, 2009
It's just one of those days...
When you don't wanna wake up
Everything is fucked
Everybody sucks
You don't really know why
But you want justify
Rippin' someone's head off
No human contact
And if you interact
Your life is on contract
Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker
It's just one of those days
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Those questions? Yep. They've been "answered". Why do I put it like that? Well, because I don't really believe any of them.
Why I don't believe them:
1. How do you tell someone you don't think you're falling in love with them when actions completely speak louder than words. When you call, text, write, IM, visit...and those are all fantastic. When you tell them you miss them, and need them and can't be without them. When you make plans for future events together....and then the next day, decide it's better to be friends? What are we? IN HIGH SCHOOL!? WHO THE EF SAYS SOMETHING LIKE THAT?! How can you know in 3 months if you're falling in love with someone that you don't see that often? I have friends that have been dating for longer than that and STILL don't know if they're in love with the person....but that doesn't mean they don't think there isn't anything there. CLEARLY, there is something there between me and him. CLEARLY. Why else would I be "different" than all the rest of his friends? How does that make sense? He's attracted to me. "Im hot" or so he says. Gee, thanks. Awesome consolation. But you mean to tell me that you'd be entirely ok with JUST hanging around me - and nothing more?
2. Nothing else, apparently, was the cause or effect of us breaking up. The distance - yeah apparently that was kind of a factor. Personally - it's a huge factor. Why were things better in the beginning (as he says) and they are different now? Oh GEE I DON'T KNOW?! MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE WE WENT FROM INTENSE CONSTANT TIME TOGETHER TO ONLY SEEING EACH OTHER ONCE A MONTH. But no, what am I thinking. That's not it. That's silly Katie. Because see, you should totally know in three months if you can fall in love with someone you hardly ever see. Yeah - of course. What was I thinking. I'm the idiot.
3. He says he can/wants to just be friends with me. I think it's a pattern. He claims he's a jealous person by nature and that even if I started dating someone else, despite knowing he'd be jealous, he would be okay with it. Well riddle me this effing enigma...if you claim that's true - then how is it I am no different than your other girl friends? Oh but I am? Just because? What the eff does that mean asshole?
3a. Why do I think it's a pattern? Because he's had intimate interactions with friends of his that are girls, and dated a few (maybe just the one - not sure)....either way. I really don't know that he knows how to separate those feelings. How to separate him feeling like a friend toward someone and feeling more than a friend toward someone.
Those are the clearest reasons I have right now for knowing that his "reasons" are complete bullshit. I got answers. I was prepared for answers I didn't want to hear...but I am SO ANGRY that he thinks he can just know if he's going to fall in love with me...and to put a three month time limit on it - that THAT's how he would know. What an effing stupid answer. I told him I just knew there was something between us. He asked me how I knew - I said - the same way you knew there was. There just is. It clicks with us.
As we talked last night - both of us said similar things about what our friends said to us, " I don't understand why you're so upset...you were only dating for three months". Am I the ONLY ONE that thinks that maybe, just MAYBE that's a clue into how he actually feels about me? I know how I feel about him. I still want him in my life...but just as a friend? I don't know that I can do that. Right now, for as honest as he is trying to be with me...he is not my friend. To me, he will never be JUST A FRIEND. And to be honest, I think on his side, he knows it too. He needs to effing grow the ef up - and stop saying "I don't know" and figure it out.
I'm really pissed off.
Everything is fucked
Everybody sucks
You don't really know why
But you want justify
Rippin' someone's head off
No human contact
And if you interact
Your life is on contract
Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker
It's just one of those days
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Those questions? Yep. They've been "answered". Why do I put it like that? Well, because I don't really believe any of them.
Why I don't believe them:
1. How do you tell someone you don't think you're falling in love with them when actions completely speak louder than words. When you call, text, write, IM, visit...and those are all fantastic. When you tell them you miss them, and need them and can't be without them. When you make plans for future events together....and then the next day, decide it's better to be friends? What are we? IN HIGH SCHOOL!? WHO THE EF SAYS SOMETHING LIKE THAT?! How can you know in 3 months if you're falling in love with someone that you don't see that often? I have friends that have been dating for longer than that and STILL don't know if they're in love with the person....but that doesn't mean they don't think there isn't anything there. CLEARLY, there is something there between me and him. CLEARLY. Why else would I be "different" than all the rest of his friends? How does that make sense? He's attracted to me. "Im hot" or so he says. Gee, thanks. Awesome consolation. But you mean to tell me that you'd be entirely ok with JUST hanging around me - and nothing more?
2. Nothing else, apparently, was the cause or effect of us breaking up. The distance - yeah apparently that was kind of a factor. Personally - it's a huge factor. Why were things better in the beginning (as he says) and they are different now? Oh GEE I DON'T KNOW?! MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE WE WENT FROM INTENSE CONSTANT TIME TOGETHER TO ONLY SEEING EACH OTHER ONCE A MONTH. But no, what am I thinking. That's not it. That's silly Katie. Because see, you should totally know in three months if you can fall in love with someone you hardly ever see. Yeah - of course. What was I thinking. I'm the idiot.
3. He says he can/wants to just be friends with me. I think it's a pattern. He claims he's a jealous person by nature and that even if I started dating someone else, despite knowing he'd be jealous, he would be okay with it. Well riddle me this effing enigma...if you claim that's true - then how is it I am no different than your other girl friends? Oh but I am? Just because? What the eff does that mean asshole?
3a. Why do I think it's a pattern? Because he's had intimate interactions with friends of his that are girls, and dated a few (maybe just the one - not sure)....either way. I really don't know that he knows how to separate those feelings. How to separate him feeling like a friend toward someone and feeling more than a friend toward someone.
Those are the clearest reasons I have right now for knowing that his "reasons" are complete bullshit. I got answers. I was prepared for answers I didn't want to hear...but I am SO ANGRY that he thinks he can just know if he's going to fall in love with me...and to put a three month time limit on it - that THAT's how he would know. What an effing stupid answer. I told him I just knew there was something between us. He asked me how I knew - I said - the same way you knew there was. There just is. It clicks with us.
As we talked last night - both of us said similar things about what our friends said to us, " I don't understand why you're so upset...you were only dating for three months". Am I the ONLY ONE that thinks that maybe, just MAYBE that's a clue into how he actually feels about me? I know how I feel about him. I still want him in my life...but just as a friend? I don't know that I can do that. Right now, for as honest as he is trying to be with me...he is not my friend. To me, he will never be JUST A FRIEND. And to be honest, I think on his side, he knows it too. He needs to effing grow the ef up - and stop saying "I don't know" and figure it out.
I'm really pissed off.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
All at once....
There are certain people you just keep coming back to
She is right in front of you
You begin to wonder could you find a better one
Compared to her now she's in question
And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same
Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out
And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same
Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come
And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same
Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come
Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you had her, maybe you lost her to another
To another
~The Fray
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maybe I'm being a little narcissistic in thinking that this song applies to me and the situation I'm in right now...maybe I'm just trying to be hopeful about the situation. I don't know. But what I do know is this:
- I am sad. So sad that I can't even muster a genuine smile.
- I have AMAZING friends. They always say that you know who your true friends are when you're going through tough times - I am so lucky to have people I can call at 1, 2, 3 in the morning if I wake up and cry or want to call him but know I can't, so I call them instead.
- I am pretty numb. I ran 9 miles yesterday without skipping a beat. Normally - I would be dead after that. But somehow, I wasn't tired. I wasn't hungry. I wasn't anything. I don't feel anything. Except sadness.
- He hasn't called. I have my doubts that he will. Why should he? He did the easiest thing in the world. He broke up with me - and knew I would be "out of sight, out of mind" because I was leaving to come back here to Florida. I guess the only positive aspect of it was that he didn't do it over the phone. That, was horrible.
- I am sad....oh did I say that already? Yeah, well. I am.
- I can't listen to anything but angry music. Sad music makes me cry. Happy music makes me cry. I am going to fall to pieces the first time I hear our song randomly. I heard "his" song the other day on the plane right back down here. I think everyone else on the plane thought someone died.
- I still carry my box of tissues with me everywhere I go. I never know when the crying is going to start.
- Mornings and nights are the hardest - Mornings, because I know I'm not with him anymore. Nights - because that was the time we would talk. Last night was horrible. It so much willpower to not call him.
- I'm really upset by the fact that despite it only having been a day and a half, he hasn't called me or attempted to contact me. He must not care as much as he said he did.
I declined going to work yesterday. I just didn't know if I could manage it. I'm here today. I'm working. I'm listening to my angry music. I'm numb. I'm just going through the motions today. I really don't want to be around people because my heart is ALL OVER MY FACE. I don't want people to talk to me. I don't want people to give me hugs - hugs make me cry immediately.
I have so many questions. So many unanswered things. I am SO completely confused about the entire situation. I have no idea how you go from making plans with someone for the next few months - to saying you just need to be friends. Was he saying those things just because he knew it'd make me happy? What the eff. I deserve honesty. I deserve answers. And I sure as shit don't need to feel like I'm not important or even worthy of a phone call.
I have a busy few months ahead. I decided yesterday to make all my weekends busy until the next time I go home...which, ironically enough but not really, is the weekend of April 17th. His birthday. See, I had planned on surprising him that weekend. Whatever. I'll just keep myself busy. Maybe I'll go up to New York that weekend, or maybe I'll try to make it another girls weekend for jackie and netty and me. All I know is that I'm going to have to stay busy.
Im just so confused, and hurt, and sad, and don't understand any of this. I don't want any of this.
She is right in front of you
You begin to wonder could you find a better one
Compared to her now she's in question
And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same
Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out
And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same
Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come
And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same
Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come
Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you had her, maybe you lost her to another
To another
~The Fray
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maybe I'm being a little narcissistic in thinking that this song applies to me and the situation I'm in right now...maybe I'm just trying to be hopeful about the situation. I don't know. But what I do know is this:
- I am sad. So sad that I can't even muster a genuine smile.
- I have AMAZING friends. They always say that you know who your true friends are when you're going through tough times - I am so lucky to have people I can call at 1, 2, 3 in the morning if I wake up and cry or want to call him but know I can't, so I call them instead.
- I am pretty numb. I ran 9 miles yesterday without skipping a beat. Normally - I would be dead after that. But somehow, I wasn't tired. I wasn't hungry. I wasn't anything. I don't feel anything. Except sadness.
- He hasn't called. I have my doubts that he will. Why should he? He did the easiest thing in the world. He broke up with me - and knew I would be "out of sight, out of mind" because I was leaving to come back here to Florida. I guess the only positive aspect of it was that he didn't do it over the phone. That, was horrible.
- I am sad....oh did I say that already? Yeah, well. I am.
- I can't listen to anything but angry music. Sad music makes me cry. Happy music makes me cry. I am going to fall to pieces the first time I hear our song randomly. I heard "his" song the other day on the plane right back down here. I think everyone else on the plane thought someone died.
- I still carry my box of tissues with me everywhere I go. I never know when the crying is going to start.
- Mornings and nights are the hardest - Mornings, because I know I'm not with him anymore. Nights - because that was the time we would talk. Last night was horrible. It so much willpower to not call him.
- I'm really upset by the fact that despite it only having been a day and a half, he hasn't called me or attempted to contact me. He must not care as much as he said he did.
I declined going to work yesterday. I just didn't know if I could manage it. I'm here today. I'm working. I'm listening to my angry music. I'm numb. I'm just going through the motions today. I really don't want to be around people because my heart is ALL OVER MY FACE. I don't want people to talk to me. I don't want people to give me hugs - hugs make me cry immediately.
I have so many questions. So many unanswered things. I am SO completely confused about the entire situation. I have no idea how you go from making plans with someone for the next few months - to saying you just need to be friends. Was he saying those things just because he knew it'd make me happy? What the eff. I deserve honesty. I deserve answers. And I sure as shit don't need to feel like I'm not important or even worthy of a phone call.
I have a busy few months ahead. I decided yesterday to make all my weekends busy until the next time I go home...which, ironically enough but not really, is the weekend of April 17th. His birthday. See, I had planned on surprising him that weekend. Whatever. I'll just keep myself busy. Maybe I'll go up to New York that weekend, or maybe I'll try to make it another girls weekend for jackie and netty and me. All I know is that I'm going to have to stay busy.
Im just so confused, and hurt, and sad, and don't understand any of this. I don't want any of this.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Just Dance....
Let that record play....do do do do Just Dance...
~~~~~~~~~~
Guilty Admission #1:
I have been seriously slacking in my working out/running routines.
#2:
I also haven't really been eating all that well. And by that I mean probably not enough (I do it to counter balance #1)
#3:
As much as #1 and #2 bother me - they really don't.
~~~~~~~~~
Maybe it's because I'm getting older and I'm seeing what really matters in life. I thought about it the other day, and I've had people come and go and the good ones stay...but I've been all shapes and sizes, and people still like me for who I am. I know, and have known this...but most of the times people tell themselves that, and don't really listen to it. I am/was one of those people.
I have this theory - and not really a theory per say because I know it's pretty much a fact - You can tell yourself anything you want and eventually you'll believe it. It might not actually be true (especially if you're telling yourself a lie), but most of the times the things we tell ourselves are things we believe to be a reality.
For example.....When I was in college, I used to tell myself that the only way I was good enough was if I had good grades, was skinny, and didn't get into trouble. Then my parents would be happy. What I didn't think of at the time was that my parents would be happy with me no matter what - because they love me and love who I am.
Another example: You can totally lead yourself to believe you're sick. By simply saying, "I think I'm getting sick" - the idea is nested in your head - and if you continue to think it, it most likely get's worse. The idea is to tell yourself, " I am a happy and healthy human being" and then go take some vitamin c or go to the doctors and nip it in the bud!
Yet another example (directly relating to this post): I will not suffer any kind of major problem if I don't workout once or twice or hell even at all during the week. I know I am motivated to work out - So even though I still call someone to tell me it's "okay" to not workout - or even justify the fact that I'm on my 14th day in a row of work and it's totally fine that I didn't get up and run this morning because I wanted to sleep - I know it'll be ok - because nothing changes except maybe the tightness of my jeans today - and you know what - oh well. Whether I'm a size 6 or a size 24 - I'm cool with the person I am on the inside and that's enough for me. I just have to keep telling myself - you're doing ok katie. You're doing ok.
And if all else fails.....JUST DANCE!:-)
~~~~~~~~~~
Guilty Admission #1:
I have been seriously slacking in my working out/running routines.
#2:
I also haven't really been eating all that well. And by that I mean probably not enough (I do it to counter balance #1)
#3:
As much as #1 and #2 bother me - they really don't.
~~~~~~~~~
Maybe it's because I'm getting older and I'm seeing what really matters in life. I thought about it the other day, and I've had people come and go and the good ones stay...but I've been all shapes and sizes, and people still like me for who I am. I know, and have known this...but most of the times people tell themselves that, and don't really listen to it. I am/was one of those people.
I have this theory - and not really a theory per say because I know it's pretty much a fact - You can tell yourself anything you want and eventually you'll believe it. It might not actually be true (especially if you're telling yourself a lie), but most of the times the things we tell ourselves are things we believe to be a reality.
For example.....When I was in college, I used to tell myself that the only way I was good enough was if I had good grades, was skinny, and didn't get into trouble. Then my parents would be happy. What I didn't think of at the time was that my parents would be happy with me no matter what - because they love me and love who I am.
Another example: You can totally lead yourself to believe you're sick. By simply saying, "I think I'm getting sick" - the idea is nested in your head - and if you continue to think it, it most likely get's worse. The idea is to tell yourself, " I am a happy and healthy human being" and then go take some vitamin c or go to the doctors and nip it in the bud!
Yet another example (directly relating to this post): I will not suffer any kind of major problem if I don't workout once or twice or hell even at all during the week. I know I am motivated to work out - So even though I still call someone to tell me it's "okay" to not workout - or even justify the fact that I'm on my 14th day in a row of work and it's totally fine that I didn't get up and run this morning because I wanted to sleep - I know it'll be ok - because nothing changes except maybe the tightness of my jeans today - and you know what - oh well. Whether I'm a size 6 or a size 24 - I'm cool with the person I am on the inside and that's enough for me. I just have to keep telling myself - you're doing ok katie. You're doing ok.
And if all else fails.....JUST DANCE!:-)
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
It doesn't matter what I say....
So long as I sing with inflection
That makes you feel that Ill convey
Some inner truth of vast reflection
But Ive said nothing so far
And I can keep it up for as long as it takes
And it dont matter who you are
If Im doing my job then its your resolve that breaks
Because the hook brings you back
I aint tellin you no lie
The hook brings you back
On that you can rely
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I always forget how simple those lyrics are. Simple. Just the way things should be. Right now - things appear to be simple. I am happy. Life is good. But. I can't help but think of some of the other things that have been on my mind.
Not really good or bad - just - things.
When I start to worry - I try my best to sit back and ask myself why I am worrying when generally there isn't a whole lot I can do in most of the situations and therefore some of the best action is no action at all.
Lately - I've been getting vibes from a few friends that I'm not really sure how to read. I don't know if it's because of something I've done or something that's going on in their life that they are hestitant to tell me about. I've been there - I'm there right now. I have a major thing on my mind that I haven only told a few people about. I haven't said much about it because I don't want to get my hopes up. And to be honest - I'm not entirely sure if it's the right course of action for me.
Now is really the time to make some major changes - if I'm going to make them. Ha. Who am I kidding - there is no time like the present for any change. But of course - we all know change can be difficult. I know I've learned to adapt to it. But at the same time, it's the first time I'm entirely comfortable in a place that I moved to on a whim. I guess some times good things do come from bad situations.
Lots of cryptic talk. Sigh. It's weird. I have these vivid and certain thoughts every night - but when it comes to actually writing it all down - I am at a loss for words.
Right now - I think a friend of mine is mad at me. I don't know how to approach her about it. I don't even think I know what I did wrong - but it doesn't mean she isn't mad at me. Being so far away from some of my closest friends makes it difficult some times. I'm usually pretty good with keeping in touch with them. Things have been super busy lately though. And to top it off - I am starting to worry there is something that is really wrong with me. Of course, I keep telling myself I am a happy and healthy human being! But that being said - my stomach problems are revisiting. I have a doctor's appt in a few weeks - I am hoping that they can fit me in earlier than like a month later for the colonoscopy because if the worst case scenario is true - I seriously don't know what I'm going to do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am day three into an 18 day work "week". I have no day's off until I fly home to Philly on the 13th of February. Yes, I'm flying on Friday the 13th. Whatevs. For as superstitious as I am about things - that day nor that number is really important to me.
I kind of feel bad that I can't hang out with my friends all that much - but them knowing me and the fact that I'm a freelancer, they know this time of year is super busy for me. I am, however, hoping to get in a yoga class or two with Pam (we're going to try it - we both figure it'll be good to try something new), and definitely a dinner or two with Nick or Jon. Haven't seen either of them since Jon's bday party.
Don't get me wrong - it's nice to be working and making bank this time of year - especially with the economy being so craptastic. Which kind of goes back to the major thing on my mind. I'll unveil it all in good time...but I guess I'm trying to do some major soul searching - and it feels like I'm all alone in that. Granted, what I choose to do with my life is entirely up to me - but it's nice to have friends to bounce things off of. I know - everyone gets busy. I get it. I'm guilty of it too - bleh. I'll be really disappointed if she is mad at me. :-/
That makes you feel that Ill convey
Some inner truth of vast reflection
But Ive said nothing so far
And I can keep it up for as long as it takes
And it dont matter who you are
If Im doing my job then its your resolve that breaks
Because the hook brings you back
I aint tellin you no lie
The hook brings you back
On that you can rely
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I always forget how simple those lyrics are. Simple. Just the way things should be. Right now - things appear to be simple. I am happy. Life is good. But. I can't help but think of some of the other things that have been on my mind.
Not really good or bad - just - things.
When I start to worry - I try my best to sit back and ask myself why I am worrying when generally there isn't a whole lot I can do in most of the situations and therefore some of the best action is no action at all.
Lately - I've been getting vibes from a few friends that I'm not really sure how to read. I don't know if it's because of something I've done or something that's going on in their life that they are hestitant to tell me about. I've been there - I'm there right now. I have a major thing on my mind that I haven only told a few people about. I haven't said much about it because I don't want to get my hopes up. And to be honest - I'm not entirely sure if it's the right course of action for me.
Now is really the time to make some major changes - if I'm going to make them. Ha. Who am I kidding - there is no time like the present for any change. But of course - we all know change can be difficult. I know I've learned to adapt to it. But at the same time, it's the first time I'm entirely comfortable in a place that I moved to on a whim. I guess some times good things do come from bad situations.
Lots of cryptic talk. Sigh. It's weird. I have these vivid and certain thoughts every night - but when it comes to actually writing it all down - I am at a loss for words.
Right now - I think a friend of mine is mad at me. I don't know how to approach her about it. I don't even think I know what I did wrong - but it doesn't mean she isn't mad at me. Being so far away from some of my closest friends makes it difficult some times. I'm usually pretty good with keeping in touch with them. Things have been super busy lately though. And to top it off - I am starting to worry there is something that is really wrong with me. Of course, I keep telling myself I am a happy and healthy human being! But that being said - my stomach problems are revisiting. I have a doctor's appt in a few weeks - I am hoping that they can fit me in earlier than like a month later for the colonoscopy because if the worst case scenario is true - I seriously don't know what I'm going to do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am day three into an 18 day work "week". I have no day's off until I fly home to Philly on the 13th of February. Yes, I'm flying on Friday the 13th. Whatevs. For as superstitious as I am about things - that day nor that number is really important to me.
I kind of feel bad that I can't hang out with my friends all that much - but them knowing me and the fact that I'm a freelancer, they know this time of year is super busy for me. I am, however, hoping to get in a yoga class or two with Pam (we're going to try it - we both figure it'll be good to try something new), and definitely a dinner or two with Nick or Jon. Haven't seen either of them since Jon's bday party.
Don't get me wrong - it's nice to be working and making bank this time of year - especially with the economy being so craptastic. Which kind of goes back to the major thing on my mind. I'll unveil it all in good time...but I guess I'm trying to do some major soul searching - and it feels like I'm all alone in that. Granted, what I choose to do with my life is entirely up to me - but it's nice to have friends to bounce things off of. I know - everyone gets busy. I get it. I'm guilty of it too - bleh. I'll be really disappointed if she is mad at me. :-/
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
What's the deal..with my brain...why am I so obviously insane...
In a perfect situation
I let love down the drain.
There's the pitch, slow and straight.
All I have to do is swing
and I'm a hero, but I'm a zero.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok ok - so maybe not necessarily the second part of the verse - but give me a break - it's the song that's playing on my iPhone right now.
There have been quite a lot of things that have been happening in my brain though. Lots of thoughts and such. Let's start with the worst and get better - to end on a positive note! (how's that for positivity!)
The Ugly
~Un-nessescary yet some how unavoidable anxiety and sleepless nights. I couldn't sleep at all the first week I got back down to FL after the Holidays. Not sure if it was because I was getting used to where I was again or if I was anxious about some things. I know the anxiety was completely laden into my mind. It was driving me nuts. I couldn't shut my brain off. Ever have those nights? I know we all have. Mine seem to come and go in strings. When they happen - they seem to worry everyone else...and me too. But this last one - I knew it wouldn't last - so everyone that kept asking me (as they cocked their heads slightly with an empathetic face), "Are you ok Katie? You don't seem like yourself. I'm worried about you." All I could tell them was - , "Yeah, I know - me too. But. It won't last. It never does. I'm in a funk and it'll end at some point." And sure enough - it did!
~Every so often I get into those funks. Not sure where they come from. Some times they come from left field...but I think this last one was directly related to being home for so long - having to leave my family, friends and Ben. I was really confused as to what I wanted to do with my life. Of course, I have those "moments of crises" (as I like to call them), like every month:-) Ha. I love what I do. I really do. I'm good at being in TV. I have the drive for it. But I have so many other interests so I really want to pursue them. I have a few things in the mix which will hopefully come to fruition - but I'm not really talking about them until I have them secured.
The Bad:
~As I mentioned, anxiety seems to be getting the best of me more often than not. It's aggravating cause I used to have such a good handle on it. The last time I can remember having this much anxiety, I was in college. Then - it was understandable. Papers and tests and grades and activities to do well at. Pressure. But now - I'm like creating this falacy of anxiety and I don't know why. Is my life just not that interesting? The only thing I think I can do is find a new hobby. Working out used to help relieve a lot of the anxiety. Not so much anymore. So I'm thinking I need to start doing yoga. Just some down time for me to collect my thoughts - or not at all. The time for me to think about nothing. Although more and more my runs have been pretty theraputic. I just wish my joints would let me run every day!
The Good:
~So, earlier this month, Ben had a job interview with WCU - and unfortunately they went with someone else. (yes this is supposed to be the good - just wait for it!) But JUST yesterday, they called him back and offered him the job! So he will be starting a new jobby job on Monday! Yay!
~He is also coming down to visit me this weekend!!!!
~My Uncle Ace is in the clear and appears to be doing MUCH better. He looks like he's going to make it and he has a new resolve to take better care of himself. Thank God I don't have to attend my first family funeral. I am hoping that day is a WAYS off. Loss is so difficult.
~Work is keeping me busy - which is good - meaning - beau coup bucks! WOOT! Also - I'm doing better at keeping my finances in order. Which. I have to say. I'm pretty proud of myself. Not that I was ever that horrible at it....but....to finally be able to save and to feel like I am doing the right things with my life. Yay. Also - I have a super busy Spring with work and Freelance gigs. Which is good:-)
~I missed church last weekend because of Cheerleading but I went the week before. It was pretty awesome. I remember how much I miss going. I'm hoping to try and get Ben to go with us this Sunday - but I don't know if he will. I haven't said anything to him about it yet - but I really would like for him to go.
~Did I mention Ben got a new job!?!?!?! And how proud of him I am:-)
Anywho - I'm off to try and work - today is a pretty easy day - and I've gotta get my butt to the gym. It's freakin' cold down here! It was 32 degrees this morning when I went out to my car! That's cold for Florida weather! BRRRRR!
I let love down the drain.
There's the pitch, slow and straight.
All I have to do is swing
and I'm a hero, but I'm a zero.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok ok - so maybe not necessarily the second part of the verse - but give me a break - it's the song that's playing on my iPhone right now.
There have been quite a lot of things that have been happening in my brain though. Lots of thoughts and such. Let's start with the worst and get better - to end on a positive note! (how's that for positivity!)
The Ugly
~Un-nessescary yet some how unavoidable anxiety and sleepless nights. I couldn't sleep at all the first week I got back down to FL after the Holidays. Not sure if it was because I was getting used to where I was again or if I was anxious about some things. I know the anxiety was completely laden into my mind. It was driving me nuts. I couldn't shut my brain off. Ever have those nights? I know we all have. Mine seem to come and go in strings. When they happen - they seem to worry everyone else...and me too. But this last one - I knew it wouldn't last - so everyone that kept asking me (as they cocked their heads slightly with an empathetic face), "Are you ok Katie? You don't seem like yourself. I'm worried about you." All I could tell them was - , "Yeah, I know - me too. But. It won't last. It never does. I'm in a funk and it'll end at some point." And sure enough - it did!
~Every so often I get into those funks. Not sure where they come from. Some times they come from left field...but I think this last one was directly related to being home for so long - having to leave my family, friends and Ben. I was really confused as to what I wanted to do with my life. Of course, I have those "moments of crises" (as I like to call them), like every month:-) Ha. I love what I do. I really do. I'm good at being in TV. I have the drive for it. But I have so many other interests so I really want to pursue them. I have a few things in the mix which will hopefully come to fruition - but I'm not really talking about them until I have them secured.
The Bad:
~As I mentioned, anxiety seems to be getting the best of me more often than not. It's aggravating cause I used to have such a good handle on it. The last time I can remember having this much anxiety, I was in college. Then - it was understandable. Papers and tests and grades and activities to do well at. Pressure. But now - I'm like creating this falacy of anxiety and I don't know why. Is my life just not that interesting? The only thing I think I can do is find a new hobby. Working out used to help relieve a lot of the anxiety. Not so much anymore. So I'm thinking I need to start doing yoga. Just some down time for me to collect my thoughts - or not at all. The time for me to think about nothing. Although more and more my runs have been pretty theraputic. I just wish my joints would let me run every day!
The Good:
~So, earlier this month, Ben had a job interview with WCU - and unfortunately they went with someone else. (yes this is supposed to be the good - just wait for it!) But JUST yesterday, they called him back and offered him the job! So he will be starting a new jobby job on Monday! Yay!
~He is also coming down to visit me this weekend!!!!
~My Uncle Ace is in the clear and appears to be doing MUCH better. He looks like he's going to make it and he has a new resolve to take better care of himself. Thank God I don't have to attend my first family funeral. I am hoping that day is a WAYS off. Loss is so difficult.
~Work is keeping me busy - which is good - meaning - beau coup bucks! WOOT! Also - I'm doing better at keeping my finances in order. Which. I have to say. I'm pretty proud of myself. Not that I was ever that horrible at it....but....to finally be able to save and to feel like I am doing the right things with my life. Yay. Also - I have a super busy Spring with work and Freelance gigs. Which is good:-)
~I missed church last weekend because of Cheerleading but I went the week before. It was pretty awesome. I remember how much I miss going. I'm hoping to try and get Ben to go with us this Sunday - but I don't know if he will. I haven't said anything to him about it yet - but I really would like for him to go.
~Did I mention Ben got a new job!?!?!?! And how proud of him I am:-)
Anywho - I'm off to try and work - today is a pretty easy day - and I've gotta get my butt to the gym. It's freakin' cold down here! It was 32 degrees this morning when I went out to my car! That's cold for Florida weather! BRRRRR!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
"You are not as fat as you imagine"
While this is true....I still feel pretty fat these days. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I didn't really eat very well and drank a lot more often than I normally do. Well, it was the holidays - and I'm sure it's not as bad as I think it is....I mean, all my clothes still fit - so it can't be that bad right?
I did measure my BMI on our Wii Fit tonight - which is where this "rant" came from. Now granted - I'm in the normal zone - I'm like JUST on the cusp of being overweight. Of course, it doesn't measure how much muscle I have(which I know is quite a bit), and therefore, isn't entirely accurate. I mean, we all know, if you try to measure BMI of super toned people, it says they're overweight because muscle is more compact than fat and yada yada yada....you know the rest. That being said...I'm aware that I'm not a body builder...and yes..I totally want to lose weight...I'm always trying to do that. But for the time being - all I can do is be healthy. I know the weight doesn't come off overnight..but there are things I know I can do to actually lose weight.
That being said - I do have some resolutions for myself this year...and like most people...losing a few pounds is one of them. In no particular order my fitness goals for 2009 are:
1. Get back on a regular lifting schedule - I kind of dropped off on my lifting in the spring last year - mainly because I was focusing so much on my running...and I just wanted to focus on that. Now, however, I am seeing the repercussions of me not lifting and its abysmal:-(
2. Run three to four times a week - which means only two or three days of spinning and one other day for another activity. I think the other activity will either be the stair mill at the gym - or possibly a spin session on my own time.
3. Start taking yoga/pilates. It's available at my gym. I don't know why I don't take advantage of it. I think it'll help with my core and balance and definitely make my back feel better after runs. I'd also like to be more flexible.
4. All the above being said, I'd like to drop one pant size or 10 lbs - whichever comes first. I've been told that dropping 10 lbs would be too much - but I beg to differ. Ha. Of course - since I don't weigh myself - this could be hard to judge - so I guess I'll be going by pant size:-)
5. I'd like to be able to go atleast four days in a row without missing a day of working out. I now know my body needs at least a day of rest every once in a while - despite knowing I get results from working out every day. However, as I get older, it takes my body longer to recover. So hopefully my workout weeks will look like this - run, spin, stairclimb, spin, run, spin, stairclimb, rest....etc.
6. The final fitness goal I'd like to accomplish is to run a marathon this year. I'm hoping to be able to do it for when it comes time to run the Philly Marathon. This year I ran the Half - so I'm hoping to run the full next November. I think it's a reasonable goal and one that I can handle.
Fitness goals aside - I do have eating goals. One of the things I wanted to do was to be all Organic by the time I'm 28. While I think it's possible...it would require a huge change in my spending habits and I don't think I am ready for that right now - so here's what I hope to accomplish this year:
1. Less carbs - more protein. Being that I'm vegetarian, I always struggle to find enough protein. Of course, carbs are my vice. But since I'm a runner, I need to eat more carbs than the average person - I just need to monitor how much I take in on days I'm not running.
2. Drink less alcohol. When I'm training - I usually don't drink that much. Maybe one glass of wine every friday - but that's about it. I am definitely cutting out beer.
3. No sodas or anything that has sodium in them. I recently read a memoir about a woman who lost lots of weight - and it was on a low sodium diet. I do notice how right after I eat things like chinese food or sushi, I am bloated and feel gross. While I'm not about to give up my once a week sushi - I'm definitely going to work on eating food with less sodium in them.
4. Be more prepared when I go on the road - have foods with me ahead of time. So often I go on the road and there isn't anything for me to eat because everything is so fat laden or has too much sodium or I just don't want it. I need to start bringing food with me so I don't have to worry about feeling crappy if I miss a day of working out.
I'm sure I'll have more fitness/health resolutions as the year goes on...but I think I'm going to start keeping track of my workouts too. I think it'll help me and make me not feel so badly on days where I decide to skip. Today for instance. I skipped working out. I'm always so hard on myself about this stuff. I know that I'm a good person despite how much I weigh...but I'd just like my outsides to match my insides...and that means being 10 pounds lighter and one size smaller.
No more people telling me I "wear my weight well". Bleh.
ETA: I am also going to start taking pictures of the foods I eat - this will help me be accountable of the food I put into my body. Obviously since it is now after dinner - I will be starting this tomorrow - but still - I think it's a good way to hold myself accountable for what I put into my tummy. Then I have no one to blame for lack of weightloss but myself.
I did measure my BMI on our Wii Fit tonight - which is where this "rant" came from. Now granted - I'm in the normal zone - I'm like JUST on the cusp of being overweight. Of course, it doesn't measure how much muscle I have(which I know is quite a bit), and therefore, isn't entirely accurate. I mean, we all know, if you try to measure BMI of super toned people, it says they're overweight because muscle is more compact than fat and yada yada yada....you know the rest. That being said...I'm aware that I'm not a body builder...and yes..I totally want to lose weight...I'm always trying to do that. But for the time being - all I can do is be healthy. I know the weight doesn't come off overnight..but there are things I know I can do to actually lose weight.
That being said - I do have some resolutions for myself this year...and like most people...losing a few pounds is one of them. In no particular order my fitness goals for 2009 are:
1. Get back on a regular lifting schedule - I kind of dropped off on my lifting in the spring last year - mainly because I was focusing so much on my running...and I just wanted to focus on that. Now, however, I am seeing the repercussions of me not lifting and its abysmal:-(
2. Run three to four times a week - which means only two or three days of spinning and one other day for another activity. I think the other activity will either be the stair mill at the gym - or possibly a spin session on my own time.
3. Start taking yoga/pilates. It's available at my gym. I don't know why I don't take advantage of it. I think it'll help with my core and balance and definitely make my back feel better after runs. I'd also like to be more flexible.
4. All the above being said, I'd like to drop one pant size or 10 lbs - whichever comes first. I've been told that dropping 10 lbs would be too much - but I beg to differ. Ha. Of course - since I don't weigh myself - this could be hard to judge - so I guess I'll be going by pant size:-)
5. I'd like to be able to go atleast four days in a row without missing a day of working out. I now know my body needs at least a day of rest every once in a while - despite knowing I get results from working out every day. However, as I get older, it takes my body longer to recover. So hopefully my workout weeks will look like this - run, spin, stairclimb, spin, run, spin, stairclimb, rest....etc.
6. The final fitness goal I'd like to accomplish is to run a marathon this year. I'm hoping to be able to do it for when it comes time to run the Philly Marathon. This year I ran the Half - so I'm hoping to run the full next November. I think it's a reasonable goal and one that I can handle.
Fitness goals aside - I do have eating goals. One of the things I wanted to do was to be all Organic by the time I'm 28. While I think it's possible...it would require a huge change in my spending habits and I don't think I am ready for that right now - so here's what I hope to accomplish this year:
1. Less carbs - more protein. Being that I'm vegetarian, I always struggle to find enough protein. Of course, carbs are my vice. But since I'm a runner, I need to eat more carbs than the average person - I just need to monitor how much I take in on days I'm not running.
2. Drink less alcohol. When I'm training - I usually don't drink that much. Maybe one glass of wine every friday - but that's about it. I am definitely cutting out beer.
3. No sodas or anything that has sodium in them. I recently read a memoir about a woman who lost lots of weight - and it was on a low sodium diet. I do notice how right after I eat things like chinese food or sushi, I am bloated and feel gross. While I'm not about to give up my once a week sushi - I'm definitely going to work on eating food with less sodium in them.
4. Be more prepared when I go on the road - have foods with me ahead of time. So often I go on the road and there isn't anything for me to eat because everything is so fat laden or has too much sodium or I just don't want it. I need to start bringing food with me so I don't have to worry about feeling crappy if I miss a day of working out.
I'm sure I'll have more fitness/health resolutions as the year goes on...but I think I'm going to start keeping track of my workouts too. I think it'll help me and make me not feel so badly on days where I decide to skip. Today for instance. I skipped working out. I'm always so hard on myself about this stuff. I know that I'm a good person despite how much I weigh...but I'd just like my outsides to match my insides...and that means being 10 pounds lighter and one size smaller.
No more people telling me I "wear my weight well". Bleh.
ETA: I am also going to start taking pictures of the foods I eat - this will help me be accountable of the food I put into my body. Obviously since it is now after dinner - I will be starting this tomorrow - but still - I think it's a good way to hold myself accountable for what I put into my tummy. Then I have no one to blame for lack of weightloss but myself.
Friday, January 2, 2009
2008 in Review
My Friend Brianne does this every year - so I figured now's the best time...considering it's a new year and I have several resolutions to accomplish this year. So, here goes:
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done?
Traveled to: Vegas, Key West, All over Florida, New Smyrna Beach, New Orleans. Went to game 1 of The World Series, Watched the Phillies WIN the world series!!!! Earned the most amount of money I have ever in my adult life (so far). I ran 2 half marathons, 2 10Ks and 1 15K!
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I am pretty sure I lost a bit of weight (I started running, which helped a lot). I also know that I definitely got my life more in order and have been saving money (which was one of my biggest goals last year). I am definitely making more for this year (an entry to come).
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not close - but I do know that a few of my friends had babies this year:-)
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thankfully
5. What countries did you visit?
England.....and that's it.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Less weight, more muscle tone....if these are the only complaints, I think I'm doing ok.
7. What date from 2008 will remained etched in your memory, and why?
February 22-24 - Visit to England:-)
April 12th - Key West and HWY 18 Wrap party at Sloppy Joes:-)
May 17th - Josh's Graduation party :-) hehe
July 11th - My birthday - and a great shooting day @ BBX - Bowling and Beer for my Bday:-)
August 31st - 1st Half Marathon in LA
Oct 22nd - 1st Game of World Series
Oct 29th - PHILLIES WINNING WORLD SERIES
Nov 19th - 1st time I met Ben:-)
Nov 23rd - Philadelphia 1/2 Marathon:-)
Nov 27th - Thanksgiving in NY
All of December:-)
8. What was your biggest achievement of 2008?
Being Happy with who I am and my accomplishments. Staying positive 95% of the time. Saving Money. Working hard and doing a good job at my job.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not sticking to the workout regimine I had originally planned for myself...but that'll change this year:-)
10. Do you suffer illness or injury?
unless you count the colitis - nah
11. What was the best thing you bought?
trips home to philly...proper running shoes
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
The Philadelphia Phillies - 80-08!!!! Yeah baby:-)
My Sister - finally realizing it's time to do for herself and not for everyone else
My Mom - for being the supportive awesome mom she is
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
George W. Bush - no explanation necessary
Congress - for bailing out all those companies - and people wonder why things are so shitty
14. Where did most of your money go?
Taxes, Trips, Rent, Eating Out, Presents to friends:-)
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The Office Return, The Wii, Spending time with family and friends on trips home, and of course.....Ben:-)
16: What song will always remind you of 2008?
4 Minutes to Save the World - Madonna/JT
I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
Chicken Fried - Zac Brown Band
Love Story - Taylor Swift
Our Song - Taylor Swift
All The Single Ladies - Beyonce
17. Compared to this time last year are you:
i. happier or sadder? Definitely Happier:-)
ii. thinner or fatter? slightly thinner
iii. richer or poorer? richer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
slept - kept in better contact with friends
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worried, Ate meals out
20. How did you spend Christmas?
Monday - Exchanged gifts with Ben, Xmas Eve - Dinner and Pressies with Dad and Jo, Xmas Day - went for a run, hung out with mom and kel and celebrated a Jewish Christmas by ordering Chinese:-)
21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
.........do you like him like him? or do you just like him???
I like him like him:-)
22. How many one night stands?
None.
23. What was your favorite TV program?
The Office, 30 Rock, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Cash Cab, Anthony Bourdain - No Reservations, Bizzare Foods with Andrew Zimmern, Good Eats w/ Alton Brown
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hate is a strong word....but am I no longer friends with someone that I used to be? yes....unfortunately
25. What was the best book you read?
I've read quite a few books so all of them
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
They aren't necessarily new but: Taylor Swift, The New Pornographers, Paolo Nutini, Paramore, Saving Jane
27. What did you want and get?
Visits to a variety of places, The Phillies to win the World Series, a hot guy:-)
28. What did you want and not get?
A trip to Australia or Hawaii (soon though)
29. What was your favorite film of the year?
Wall-E, The Dark Knight
30. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
Worked BBX - Went Bowling with half of the crew - I turned 27
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably satisfying?
To run my half marathon in under 2 hours
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Comfy and casual but slightly sexy:-)
33. What kept you sane?
Working out - Running - this journal - my parents
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Michael Phelps, John Krasinski
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
The economy
36. Who do you miss?
The friends I don't see often
37. Who was the best new person you met?
Ben:-)
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
If you put positive energy out into the world - it will return to you - maybe not right away - but it will - and twofold!
39. What song lyrics sum up your year?
And its funny how it`s the simple things in life that mean the most
Not where you live, what you drive, or the price tag on your clothes
There`s no dollar sign on a piece of mind this I`ve come to know
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done?
Traveled to: Vegas, Key West, All over Florida, New Smyrna Beach, New Orleans. Went to game 1 of The World Series, Watched the Phillies WIN the world series!!!! Earned the most amount of money I have ever in my adult life (so far). I ran 2 half marathons, 2 10Ks and 1 15K!
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I am pretty sure I lost a bit of weight (I started running, which helped a lot). I also know that I definitely got my life more in order and have been saving money (which was one of my biggest goals last year). I am definitely making more for this year (an entry to come).
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not close - but I do know that a few of my friends had babies this year:-)
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thankfully
5. What countries did you visit?
England.....and that's it.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Less weight, more muscle tone....if these are the only complaints, I think I'm doing ok.
7. What date from 2008 will remained etched in your memory, and why?
February 22-24 - Visit to England:-)
April 12th - Key West and HWY 18 Wrap party at Sloppy Joes:-)
May 17th - Josh's Graduation party :-) hehe
July 11th - My birthday - and a great shooting day @ BBX - Bowling and Beer for my Bday:-)
August 31st - 1st Half Marathon in LA
Oct 22nd - 1st Game of World Series
Oct 29th - PHILLIES WINNING WORLD SERIES
Nov 19th - 1st time I met Ben:-)
Nov 23rd - Philadelphia 1/2 Marathon:-)
Nov 27th - Thanksgiving in NY
All of December:-)
8. What was your biggest achievement of 2008?
Being Happy with who I am and my accomplishments. Staying positive 95% of the time. Saving Money. Working hard and doing a good job at my job.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not sticking to the workout regimine I had originally planned for myself...but that'll change this year:-)
10. Do you suffer illness or injury?
unless you count the colitis - nah
11. What was the best thing you bought?
trips home to philly...proper running shoes
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
The Philadelphia Phillies - 80-08!!!! Yeah baby:-)
My Sister - finally realizing it's time to do for herself and not for everyone else
My Mom - for being the supportive awesome mom she is
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
George W. Bush - no explanation necessary
Congress - for bailing out all those companies - and people wonder why things are so shitty
14. Where did most of your money go?
Taxes, Trips, Rent, Eating Out, Presents to friends:-)
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The Office Return, The Wii, Spending time with family and friends on trips home, and of course.....Ben:-)
16: What song will always remind you of 2008?
4 Minutes to Save the World - Madonna/JT
I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
Chicken Fried - Zac Brown Band
Love Story - Taylor Swift
Our Song - Taylor Swift
All The Single Ladies - Beyonce
17. Compared to this time last year are you:
i. happier or sadder? Definitely Happier:-)
ii. thinner or fatter? slightly thinner
iii. richer or poorer? richer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
slept - kept in better contact with friends
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worried, Ate meals out
20. How did you spend Christmas?
Monday - Exchanged gifts with Ben, Xmas Eve - Dinner and Pressies with Dad and Jo, Xmas Day - went for a run, hung out with mom and kel and celebrated a Jewish Christmas by ordering Chinese:-)
21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
.........do you like him like him? or do you just like him???
I like him like him:-)
22. How many one night stands?
None.
23. What was your favorite TV program?
The Office, 30 Rock, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Cash Cab, Anthony Bourdain - No Reservations, Bizzare Foods with Andrew Zimmern, Good Eats w/ Alton Brown
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hate is a strong word....but am I no longer friends with someone that I used to be? yes....unfortunately
25. What was the best book you read?
I've read quite a few books so all of them
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
They aren't necessarily new but: Taylor Swift, The New Pornographers, Paolo Nutini, Paramore, Saving Jane
27. What did you want and get?
Visits to a variety of places, The Phillies to win the World Series, a hot guy:-)
28. What did you want and not get?
A trip to Australia or Hawaii (soon though)
29. What was your favorite film of the year?
Wall-E, The Dark Knight
30. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
Worked BBX - Went Bowling with half of the crew - I turned 27
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably satisfying?
To run my half marathon in under 2 hours
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Comfy and casual but slightly sexy:-)
33. What kept you sane?
Working out - Running - this journal - my parents
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Michael Phelps, John Krasinski
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
The economy
36. Who do you miss?
The friends I don't see often
37. Who was the best new person you met?
Ben:-)
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
If you put positive energy out into the world - it will return to you - maybe not right away - but it will - and twofold!
39. What song lyrics sum up your year?
And its funny how it`s the simple things in life that mean the most
Not where you live, what you drive, or the price tag on your clothes
There`s no dollar sign on a piece of mind this I`ve come to know
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