It's like this and like that and like this and uh....

Well Im peepin, and Im creepin, and Im creep-in
But I damn near got caught, cause my beeper kept beepin
Now its time for me to make my impression felt
So sit back, relax, and strap on your seatbelt
You never been on a ride like this befo
With a producer who can rap and control the maestro
At the same time with the dope rhyme that I kick
You know, and I know, I flow some ol funky shit
To add to my collection, the selection
Symbolizes dope, take a toke, but dont choke
If ya do, ya have no clue
O what me and my homey snoop dogg came to do

Its like this and like that and like this and uh
Its like that and like this and like that and uh
Its like this, and we aint got no love for those
So jus chill, til the next episode
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ain't nothin' but a G Thang Baby!

Yeah - I went there. I'm odd. I know this. And anyone who takes one look at me would be like, um, katie, skin check! You're the whitest white girl out there. Yeah yeah, I know. But I can rap just as well as the rest of them! Trust me. You get enough liquor in me, and I'm all set:-) I wish Guitar Hero had more rap songs. The only one I've come across is the Beastie Boys "No Sleep Till Brooklyn" and while I love the Beasties, c'mon...I need a little bit more than that. (speaking of g-hero, must remember to change batteries in guitar today)

As like all of my other posts, these lyrics reference something going on in my life.

Last night, I was having another difficult time falling asleep so around 1:30ish I decided to go the old Nyquil route and pop a few caps (hah, Im a nerd) to help me sleep like a baby. Yep. It worked. Always does. (I do not recommend doing this all the time ladies and gents, but I'll be damned if it doesn't help you fall asleep without knowing what hit you) But I digress...

I was trying to fall asleep for a good two hours when I started to think about the most current ex and eventually my brain wandered to the others. Thinking back through the things that went wrong...why..who...you know, the five w's and the h. Thinking about how everything was like this and like that and like this....too much? Ok ok, enough of the Dre/Snoop references....

I kind of realized a few things about me and my exes(or I should say the ones that I pretty much know mean/meant so much more to me than just someone I'd call a guy I dated)...

I am the "transition" girl. I have yet to date a guy that will stay with me through their transition period in life. Case in point...when derek broke up with me, college was just about over and he wanted to figure out his next step in life.

Lets rewind a bit here...when derek and I dated, he was a bio/chem major at PSU. He didn't know what he was going to do after college. I suggested going to Med school but he didn't want to do that. So then I said, well what about grad school? You can get a PhD and then teach or do research. He worked in the labs at PSU and did lots of internships at various prestigious companies. But he kind of dismissed the idea. Fast forward to present day...He's attending graduate school. Earning his PhD. Doing research. Great idea!

Most recently, the guy that just broke up with me about three weeks ago...just landed himself a new job...wants to try and get his life together and start being more of an adult. Without me. Everything he and I talked about - about the kinds of things I went through when I was his age (he's two years younger) - are the things he said he wanted to do for himself. I was just oblivious to the fact that it would be without me. (now, keep in mind...our relationship was long distance. Him in Philly, me in Orlando..so it's not like I'd be around him all the time when he was trying to figure this stuff out..I just was grateful to know Id be able to be in his life). Of course when we started having a conversation about us and it went from us being together to literally him saying we should just be friends...I was dumbfounded and completely caught offguard. I thought things were so great!

What I'm trying to say here is that somehow, the ones that mean the most to me...tend to also be the ones that push me away. I don't know what it is. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong.

Hold up - forget that I wrote that. I didn't do anything wrong. Their reasons for breaking up with me had nothing to do with me. And the reason I know this is because of this....

There was a time in my life when I had to be completely selfish for the purposes of growth. I had a transition period. In fact, I'm pretty certain that our entire 20's is a transition period. Most of my friends in their 30's say how much they love them and that when they look back on their 20s they laugh and think about how they're glad for the experiences but would never want to go through them again. Gee, I thought that was supposed to be adolescence we said that about? But to make my point.....for as hurt and upset as I am/was about the circumstances in which both of these guys broke it off with me...I get it. In the long run...it was probably necessary...

When I went through my selfish phase, I did a lot of things I am not really all that proud of. I don't regret any of my life...I just know that there were things that I did that I would definitely not do now. But, you live and you learn, right? The only thing I remember about that time in my life (compared to the time right now) is that back then I didn't have as big of a support group then as I do now. I think that all comes with time anyway.