It's just one of those days...

When you don't wanna wake up
Everything is fucked
Everybody sucks
You don't really know why
But you want justify
Rippin' someone's head off
No human contact
And if you interact
Your life is on contract
Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker
It's just one of those days

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Those questions? Yep. They've been "answered". Why do I put it like that? Well, because I don't really believe any of them.

Why I don't believe them:
1. How do you tell someone you don't think you're falling in love with them when actions completely speak louder than words. When you call, text, write, IM, visit...and those are all fantastic. When you tell them you miss them, and need them and can't be without them. When you make plans for future events together....and then the next day, decide it's better to be friends? What are we? IN HIGH SCHOOL!? WHO THE EF SAYS SOMETHING LIKE THAT?! How can you know in 3 months if you're falling in love with someone that you don't see that often? I have friends that have been dating for longer than that and STILL don't know if they're in love with the person....but that doesn't mean they don't think there isn't anything there. CLEARLY, there is something there between me and him. CLEARLY. Why else would I be "different" than all the rest of his friends? How does that make sense? He's attracted to me. "Im hot" or so he says. Gee, thanks. Awesome consolation. But you mean to tell me that you'd be entirely ok with JUST hanging around me - and nothing more?


2. Nothing else, apparently, was the cause or effect of us breaking up. The distance - yeah apparently that was kind of a factor. Personally - it's a huge factor. Why were things better in the beginning (as he says) and they are different now? Oh GEE I DON'T KNOW?! MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE WE WENT FROM INTENSE CONSTANT TIME TOGETHER TO ONLY SEEING EACH OTHER ONCE A MONTH. But no, what am I thinking. That's not it. That's silly Katie. Because see, you should totally know in three months if you can fall in love with someone you hardly ever see. Yeah - of course. What was I thinking. I'm the idiot.

3. He says he can/wants to just be friends with me. I think it's a pattern. He claims he's a jealous person by nature and that even if I started dating someone else, despite knowing he'd be jealous, he would be okay with it. Well riddle me this effing enigma...if you claim that's true - then how is it I am no different than your other girl friends? Oh but I am? Just because? What the eff does that mean asshole?
3a. Why do I think it's a pattern? Because he's had intimate interactions with friends of his that are girls, and dated a few (maybe just the one - not sure)....either way. I really don't know that he knows how to separate those feelings. How to separate him feeling like a friend toward someone and feeling more than a friend toward someone.



Those are the clearest reasons I have right now for knowing that his "reasons" are complete bullshit. I got answers. I was prepared for answers I didn't want to hear...but I am SO ANGRY that he thinks he can just know if he's going to fall in love with me...and to put a three month time limit on it - that THAT's how he would know. What an effing stupid answer. I told him I just knew there was something between us. He asked me how I knew - I said - the same way you knew there was. There just is. It clicks with us.

As we talked last night - both of us said similar things about what our friends said to us, " I don't understand why you're so upset...you were only dating for three months". Am I the ONLY ONE that thinks that maybe, just MAYBE that's a clue into how he actually feels about me? I know how I feel about him. I still want him in my life...but just as a friend? I don't know that I can do that. Right now, for as honest as he is trying to be with me...he is not my friend. To me, he will never be JUST A FRIEND. And to be honest, I think on his side, he knows it too. He needs to effing grow the ef up - and stop saying "I don't know" and figure it out.

I'm really pissed off.