In a perfect situation
I let love down the drain.
There's the pitch, slow and straight.
All I have to do is swing
and I'm a hero, but I'm a zero.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok ok - so maybe not necessarily the second part of the verse - but give me a break - it's the song that's playing on my iPhone right now.
There have been quite a lot of things that have been happening in my brain though. Lots of thoughts and such. Let's start with the worst and get better - to end on a positive note! (how's that for positivity!)
The Ugly
~Un-nessescary yet some how unavoidable anxiety and sleepless nights. I couldn't sleep at all the first week I got back down to FL after the Holidays. Not sure if it was because I was getting used to where I was again or if I was anxious about some things. I know the anxiety was completely laden into my mind. It was driving me nuts. I couldn't shut my brain off. Ever have those nights? I know we all have. Mine seem to come and go in strings. When they happen - they seem to worry everyone else...and me too. But this last one - I knew it wouldn't last - so everyone that kept asking me (as they cocked their heads slightly with an empathetic face), "Are you ok Katie? You don't seem like yourself. I'm worried about you." All I could tell them was - , "Yeah, I know - me too. But. It won't last. It never does. I'm in a funk and it'll end at some point." And sure enough - it did!
~Every so often I get into those funks. Not sure where they come from. Some times they come from left field...but I think this last one was directly related to being home for so long - having to leave my family, friends and Ben. I was really confused as to what I wanted to do with my life. Of course, I have those "moments of crises" (as I like to call them), like every month:-) Ha. I love what I do. I really do. I'm good at being in TV. I have the drive for it. But I have so many other interests so I really want to pursue them. I have a few things in the mix which will hopefully come to fruition - but I'm not really talking about them until I have them secured.
The Bad:
~As I mentioned, anxiety seems to be getting the best of me more often than not. It's aggravating cause I used to have such a good handle on it. The last time I can remember having this much anxiety, I was in college. Then - it was understandable. Papers and tests and grades and activities to do well at. Pressure. But now - I'm like creating this falacy of anxiety and I don't know why. Is my life just not that interesting? The only thing I think I can do is find a new hobby. Working out used to help relieve a lot of the anxiety. Not so much anymore. So I'm thinking I need to start doing yoga. Just some down time for me to collect my thoughts - or not at all. The time for me to think about nothing. Although more and more my runs have been pretty theraputic. I just wish my joints would let me run every day!
The Good:
~So, earlier this month, Ben had a job interview with WCU - and unfortunately they went with someone else. (yes this is supposed to be the good - just wait for it!) But JUST yesterday, they called him back and offered him the job! So he will be starting a new jobby job on Monday! Yay!
~He is also coming down to visit me this weekend!!!!
~My Uncle Ace is in the clear and appears to be doing MUCH better. He looks like he's going to make it and he has a new resolve to take better care of himself. Thank God I don't have to attend my first family funeral. I am hoping that day is a WAYS off. Loss is so difficult.
~Work is keeping me busy - which is good - meaning - beau coup bucks! WOOT! Also - I'm doing better at keeping my finances in order. Which. I have to say. I'm pretty proud of myself. Not that I was ever that horrible at it....but....to finally be able to save and to feel like I am doing the right things with my life. Yay. Also - I have a super busy Spring with work and Freelance gigs. Which is good:-)
~I missed church last weekend because of Cheerleading but I went the week before. It was pretty awesome. I remember how much I miss going. I'm hoping to try and get Ben to go with us this Sunday - but I don't know if he will. I haven't said anything to him about it yet - but I really would like for him to go.
~Did I mention Ben got a new job!?!?!?! And how proud of him I am:-)
Anywho - I'm off to try and work - today is a pretty easy day - and I've gotta get my butt to the gym. It's freakin' cold down here! It was 32 degrees this morning when I went out to my car! That's cold for Florida weather! BRRRRR!
No comments:
Post a Comment