Again - gotta love The Fray. They know what they're talking about - in fact - that whole album is awesome - GET IT! It's almost as great as Coldplay XY - but not exactly.
Did you know - in the 1600s, the spleen was said to be the source of emotion and passion? Yeah - neither did I. Interesting stuff you learn when you watch the travel channel - well, ok, Anthony Bourdain. I love that show.
ANYWAY - today - I just kind of feel like I am going through the motions of life. Ever have those days? Where you're there but you're not? I am putting up the best facade right now. No one has any idea what I'm feeling on the inside and no one really has any clue that I really just don't want to be here today. In fact, I was really moments from not coming in today - I don't want to come in tomorrow either - but I know if I don't, everything I have to do will just be waiting for me on Friday. Maybe I'll come in tomorrow - finish everything - then take off on Friday. After all, I am working all weekend and if I don't take off Friday - I won't have a day off - unless I just work the rest of the week and take off on Monday - but that's usually the best day to get stuff finished so probably Friday.
Have you ever had those days or times when you think - does it even matter if I am here? Would people miss me if I was gone? Will I ever find someone that completes my life?
It's a contemplative day - if you can't tell.
I keep seeing all these eHarmony, match, chemistry commercials. Grrrr. It's aggravating. I think they work for some people - and honestly - I've used one of them - but do I really want to meet my future husband that way? Shouldn't I just leave it up to fate or destiny. That being said - do I really believe in either of them? Some people say you create your own destiny and others say you can only do so much and then the rest is left up to fate. I flip flop on this issue because sometimes I believe the former is true and some times I believe the ladder is true. Right now - I am being defeatist and letting myself believe that there is only so much I can do but the rest is left up to fate.
Very defeatist day too - actually pretty defeatist month - and my year hasn't exactly started that great either. I was hoping that 2008 would be a "banner" year - as they say - but I am learning - that really - it's the luck of the draw, a crap shoot if you will.
I was listening to an old song (and by old I mean from 1999) this morning when I was doing some work - remember that Graduation Speech that was turned into a song, "Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen"? Yeah - that was the "song" I listened to. The lyrics always get me - and kind of put me in a daze - especially this one part:
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you
imagine. Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday.
and
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes
you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with
yourself. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how.
and
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for
good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young.
Just gets me every time.
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