She knew it was going to be a good year. She had spent the summer before fifth grade playing and doing the normal things she had done with her friends since she was 5 except this year she went to school a week early. No, not because she was trying to get a head start on learning. She wasn't that much of a nerd. She went in every day in the morning for a few hours so she could help some of the teachers get their classrooms situated and maybe even meet her new teacher - to get a better idea of what she could expect for the upcoming school year.
Ms. M Hoffmann would be her teacher this year (said like that because there was a Ms. E Hoffman, of no relation - but the name plates outside the door were written as such).
As it turned out, Ms. M Hoffmann had already set up her classroom so she went ahead and helped some of her other favorite teachers that she knew from older friends and her sister.
The school year started the same as any other - but this year she was determined to strive to be the best student in class. Unfortunately a couple of new textbooks were really difficult for her and the rest of the class to understand - so there were several curves on history exams. This was fine with her because she didn't really care much for tests anyway. It was the learning and class participation that she strived for. It was in those moments that she shined and was noticed, as she so often thought he would notice her. Turns out, it wasn't in just those moments that he noticed her, it was all the time.
His name was Matt and she had the BIGGEST crush on him. It was her biggest one to date and she certainly couldn't help but stare at him occasionally. Every so often she would catch him doing the same to her - and he would quickly look down at his paper and pretend to be reading or talk to his deskmate, John.
Matt was, in her opinion, one of the cutest kids in class. He was shy and quiet and even though they rarely had any kind of contact or interaction, she liked him. No need for explanations in fifth grade. You just like people.
The desks in Ms. M Hoffmann's room were situated in pairs on the two outside rows and threes in the middle row - with four rows of each, making 28 kids to the class. She sat on the end of a group of three, third row back. He sat one row in front of her to the right and on the end closest to her. And although the seating arrangements changed every so often, this was the arrangement that was easiest for her to see him whenever she wanted. What she hadn't planned on was being able to see John too - and inadvertently, having a crush on him too.
The day came that she let some of her friends in class know that she liked Matt but somehow it ended up being said to John instead and because of that, John - it turned out - liked her too. When her friends came back to her and asked her if she would want to "go out" with John (which in fifth grade means you call that person your girlfriend or boyfriend and you talk to each other at recess and thats about it), she immediately reacted and said yes. This would be her first boyfriend. A boyfriend! she thought to herself. But then, as her friends had already left her and walked away, she realized - no - I don't like him. I like Matt. What is wrong with me? So, when her friends came back - and she was "going out" with John, she told her friends and set them straight. They went and told John the change and when they came back to her they told her, "Yeah we told him. He said you're a bitch".
He called her what? How old were they?....all of 10 and 11?! He called her a bitch. She had never been called that before. And even though she knew what the word was and knew how it was meant to be used, she just couldn't believe someone would think that about her. All the while, she still liked Matt but because of the entire situation, she felt it was just better to cool it with the boys and kept her crushes to herself from that point on. And her crush on Matt would remain a crush - and kept in secrecy for no one to know.
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