Why Can't I Get Angry?

I have issues.....understatement of the year. 

Okay, okay - we all have issues.  Some are more deeply routed and most times people aren't fully aware of where they stem from.  I've been seeing a therapist for the last 2 months now, and it has helped me tremendously.  When I was in treatment for my eating disorder I had a therapist then too - she was awesome.  I will always recommend seeing a therapist to someone because even though we all have friends we can turn to for support and advice, there is something about hearing it from someone who doesn't know EVERY single thing about you and can usually help clear things up in a way that your friends and even yourself never thought of before....But I digress...

A few weeks ago my therapist asked me "I'm concerned that you're sad and not mad.  This sadness seems to be making you depressed and you really should be mad with him -- not as sad anymore.  Why do you feel like you shouldn't get angry?"

So I thought about it for a moment and the first thing that popped into my head was because of my childhood.  When you're 9/10 and all you hear are your parents fighting and being mad at each other all of the time - it typically becomes something you want to avoid having in your life.  Not to mention how damaging holding on to anger and resentment can be toward someone.....anger is an emotion that I feel stresses me out.  Which is completely clear based on the anxiety attack I had on Saturday night and the one I woke up to this morning. 

There are a lot of things in my life I'm anxious about: finding a job, money, family, ex-boyfriends who are idiots...etc. 

So as I sit here typing this - I go back to this question - "Why Can't I Get Angry?"  or even - why can't I STAY angry?  What am I so afraid of?  That the other person will get angry that I'm angry?  Truth is, I'm a big softie...and I will always let someone else win an argument so I don't have to argue....and I will always let the other person be right, even if they're not.  Anger is an emotion I don't really like...which isn't healthy because it IS healthy to get angry from time to time.  It's natural,....

I've always been one of those people who's "gone with the flow" and usually don't let things bother me....which may be why I can't seem to STAY angry?  But I think I need to get angry...and I need to stay angry...and I need to make a decision because I'm not helping myself right now.  I need to do things for me...and focus on me...and enough with the "it's all on his terms" deal. 

In the last few weeks - I've been an idiot.  I can not keep doing the things I've been doing.  It's time to refocus and recenter.....I need to get angry.  I need to take action.

 Any suggestions?