Less Adventures...More Stress

Yep, you read that correctly. Less dating adventures. More stress. Stress from what, you ask? Oh let's see. Where do I begin. I'll go in reverse order from a few minutes ago, to this morning/last night.

c. 9PM EST.
Finished my first (of what will be three more until I do better) practice PRAXIS tests. So I want to be an English teacher. Interestingly enough, I did the best on the Math section of the practice test. I did HORRIBLY on the Reading section and just as bad on the Writing. [[Sidenote: A few things I'm keeping in mind. It's been a long day. I haven't really been able to focus all day. I'm extremely tired. I'm trying to keep it in perspective. It's only the first one. I haven't studied at all. And I still have a few more days before the test so that's always a good thing.]]

c. 4-7PM EST.
Working at Cabrini. Nearly have a meltdown as I'm trying to study a bit for the Praxis tests. It wasn't that busy there today. I actually decided to get there early today because I just couldn't deal with being at the club any more.

c. 10:45AM -3:30PM EST.
Working at PSC. I kind of dreaded going in from the get-go. I'm forgetting things. Making stupid mistakes. Telling people interested in membership the wrong things, etc. I do account all this to be the result from the added stress of school and the Praxis prep. I'm thinking about a lot of things right now. When I get stressed I tend to forget things. That being said - I may be paranoid as well. I'm starting to think some of the guards (particularly the head guards) don't like me. Not that I expect them to be super excited to see me all the time, but I don't know, I just kind of get the sense that I'm not welcome any more. Not sure why. Not sure if I did something and don't know I did something. But the problem is a double edged sword. The guards I think have the issue are the kind of people that won't say anything (they'd rather bitch about it) and the other edge of the sword is if I do say something, I could be wrong and THEN they'll think I'm crazy. I've thought of just saying, "hey, are we cool?" or "hey, I think you're doing a great job - now that I've been here a bit - is there anything you might offer for advice as far as getting better acquainted?" - I don't know - maybe all those are stupid. Honestly - they don't have to like me. They don't. But I'd rather know if they don't - then I'll know how to approach them from here on...does that make sense?

c. 8:45 - 9:25AM
Running - 5.5 Miles - difficult. hot. humid. sweaty. bleh.

Last night I was in bed, getting ready to fall asleep. Watching the Tony's. My dad called. I started crying. It was better than the other night with crying. I got some of what was on my mind out - but it's still pretty weighted with thoughts and worry.

Today - I heard one of my favorite Barenaked Ladies songs. The lyrics are as follows:

I have set aside everything I love
I have saved everything else for you
I cannot decide what this doubt's made of
Though I thought over it through and through

In a book in a box high upon a shelf
In a locked and guarded vault
Are the things I keep only for myself
It's your fate but it's not your fault

And for every useless reason I know
There's a reason not to care
If I hide myself wherever I go
Am I ever really there?

There is nowhere else I would rather be,
but I can't just be right here
An enigma wrapped in a mystery,
or a fool consumed by fear

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I realized I've been keeping things for myself. I need to stop doing that so much. I have a terrible habit of it. TERRIBLE habit. I need to be better at getting it out.

As for the rest of the week. I'm hangin out with my bestest! tomorrow :-) Can't wait! Some much needed bff time - looking forward to it.

At some point tomorrow or Wednesday I'll need to take another practice Praxis test - then one Thursday and one on Friday. Saturday my test is at 12:30 and then it's my cousin's High School Graduation Party.

Also - PAUL COMES HOME ON FRIDAY!!!!!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYA!!!!