1,2,3....Breathe......
Bilateral breathing. It's one of the fundamental breathing patterns we teach to swimmers. Three strokes, one breadth....three more strokes, another breadth.....It's so one arm doesn't get more dominant over the other when building upper body strength in the pool. It's also a way to keep things changing...moving...going...
In the last few months, I've found myself doing a lot of bilateral breathing....and not just in the pool. Sadly, I did not swim as much as I probably should have or wanted to this Summer. Yes, I realize the summer isn't over yet but the main issue with me right now is that I feel like I want to swim some laps...and then...I get in. All motivation is lost after I dive in and do a 100 (4 laps). In case you're wondering - a normal warm up for (ex-distance swimmer that I am) is about 500 yards. If I'm feeling pretty good, it's 1000 (40 laps). I'm not sure if the lack of motivation is because I am so bummed about other things going on in my life or if it's because I've really taken to running - as mentioned in the previous post (i.e. upping my mileage). But I digress.....the bilateral breathing I'm doing mainly consists of doing something or feeling one way for a few days and then I take a breadth...the end result is switching it up again and after a few days I take another breadth. I feel like I haven't had any consistency in my life lately.....
So now you're reading this and probably thinking...but isn't your blog about things constantly changing? Aren't you trying to write about how to embrace change...accept it...grow with it/from it...move forward knowing that nothing is set in stone? One of my favorite quotes is, "The best way to make God laugh is to make plans". Well..I don't have any plans anymore and yet somehow I feel as though he's still laughing..... Trust me. I'm not depressed.....although much of what I write here might make it seem like it. I'm just kind of bummed. Sad even. I still have great days and sometimes weeks....but I wonder when I'll ever really accept things the way that they are.
Awhile back I had told myself that I was perfectly content with being a single woman in her 30s. Despite the fact that a good portion of my friends are either involved with someone, engaged, married, or have kids....I accepted the fact that this was my life. Things might not stay this way forever but that I need to be happy with how things are right now. Everything happens for a reason, right? We go through events and experiences for exactly that...the experience and the learning process. I'm working really hard to get back to that point...where I am completely okay with being by myself...but as I said before...it's lonely being single sometimes.
Don't get me wrong - I have plenty of wonderful friends and family who are supportive...but....I'd like to be able to share my experiences with someone else too. What makes me so G.D. special that I'm single?
And I know I know..."the grass is always greener"....I'm not looking for a complete life change. I'm looking for some clarity. So for example...if this is how my life is supposed to be right now....why?
1 comment:
Good post. There are a lot of why's I can't figure out in my life too, even though things are mostly quite good. So resist or flow? Hard to say. Maybe impossible.
[sigh] Not much help , am I? If only we could take Emerson out for a few beers....
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