The proverbial wagon that is.
No, I do not have a drinking problem - so I'm not talking in the sense that I started drinking again (as if I were an alcoholic - besides, they go to meetings! haha just kidding - it's not funny and if you happen to have a friend or relative that is, it's a serious problem....but I digress).
Here I was all set to do this 30 day challenge and I've been seriously slacking on my duties. I would love to tell you that I'm going to update them all in this particular post but I'm going to talk about something else.
The subject doesn't just refer to my tardiness of posting in that challenge but in areas of my life where I'm just kind of like, "whatevs".
Maybe it's because with every year I get older I realize what's REALLY important, or maybe it's because I had that panic attack last week and need to 'take a moment'. IDK. Either way - I've fallen. And I'm picking myself back up - albeit slowly but surely. That's not to say that I've fallen and I'm sad. I've just fallen. Had a setback if you will.....nothing huge....although that last post might have you thinking otherwise.
I pride myself on being SUPER organized. In fact, anyone that wants to see it - I'll show you my day planner - then the calendar I make on top of that - THEN the weekly to do list (which already exists in my planner - THEN my daily routine for each week. Kind of crazy? Yes and no. The thing is, my schedule is always subject to change. When I was in college - I would've told you that THAT is my schedule for the week/month - and nothing can change it. If I wrote it down - you might as well considered it written in stone. Of course, I also wrote everything in pen back then - I've since learned that unless I am certain - it gets written down in pencil.
What I'm saying is, I've learned to be flexible. I've learned to let things go and that I don't have to do everything....even if, at times, it seems like I am. I don't have to be everywhere and I just can't physically or emotionally anyway.
I've fallen off the wagon of caring in some areas. What are they? The shortened version/list:
-My Shakespeare Class - yes, I still do the work - but it's an online class and we have things due by Monday at Midnight - so what do people do? Wait til Monday afternoon to post their responses. MONDAY IS MY BUSIEST DAY. And by the time I get home from class, I'm exhausted and want to go to bed. So last night, instead of sitting up and going through everyone's responses - I went to bed. It was a tough decision to make but you know what, it's not my problem if they're slackers. I'll have to email the professor though (so I guess I do care a bit, eh?)
-Cabrini - not necessarily all of it - but working in the GPS. I still like being there because the people are great - but I feel like I've been there forever. I need a change or I need them to start paying me because I'm there an AWFUL LOT for someone who doesn't get paid and only get's ONE class of tuition remission. If they gave me more, I could be finished with classes this summer and student teaching in the fall - but no dice.
-Guys and anything that has to do with them beyond friendship. Yes, I've said this probably a thousand times. But really - I've just lost all hope for them. I have some guy friends reading this now saying - "oh katie, don't be silly" (I'm lookin at you Paul!) - but really - I've just kind of resolved to not think anything more into what they say to me. Take everything with a grain of salt and just throw it over my shoulder. Sure, they might be interested. Sure, they might be a good guy. But 9 times out of 10, they're only interested in one thing. And that one thing IS fun - but really? Really. That being said - there is a guy that I'm planning on seeing this week - but I can already tell there's probably no hope for him either. Part of me thinks I should just not hang out with him. The other part is like - WTF Katie - just go. It'll be fun. And it will be - and I'm going to go....because the other alternative is sitting at home thinking about those STUPID signs and the fact that I allowed myself to slip up and make another mistake (two weeks ago) with the same guy that definitely likes me but is too dumb to realize what an awesome thing he has in front of him.
-I've fallen off the wagon in trying to do my work for the RTFoundation. I feel SO guilty about that. I'm now the treasurer and although it's not THAT important (right now) - I feel like I should and could be contributing more. I am just SO busy right now that it's not a priority and I feel so bad when I get to meetings and have nothing to say. We have a meeting this Wednesday night and I am dreading it because I know that I'll feel badly about not having anything to report about. I'm doing a terrible job - at least - that's how it feels. Maybe I should just talk to Sue about it. :-/ The Foundation means the world to me and I truly TRULY want to have it succeed. I always mention it to people and tell them about it. I miss Rachel and Troy deeply. And the thought of backing away has crossed my mind but then what does that make me?
So those are just a few things going on - outside of: class @ Cabrini, Lacrosse @ LM, Swimming @ Baldwin, Teaching Spin for LAF, Looking for a summer job, trying to figure out how I'm going to move out of my house......
Thoughts and suggestions are always appreciated.
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