so So SO SO over it. So over guys. So over thinking I'm doing something wrong. Am I perfect? No. But neither is anyone else. I definitely make mistakes with guys. My best friend Jackie knows this - and she's awesomesauce times a bazillion for putting up with me :-) LOVE YOU! I am not always terrible with them but I tend to not see the signs early enough when it comes to guys. So here it is....a different approach.
I've started reading, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. It's about finding your purpose in life and opening yourself up to the possibilities you might blocking yourself from by keeping a closed mind. He's actually a Christian writer and so it's not typically appealing for me to be reading something like that but I've read it before so it's technically a refresher for me. So why am I reading it? I feel like maybe I'm not open enough to the possibility of someone or something....and maybe if I just 'let go' the way I mentioned in my last post....things might change without me even knowing it.
So here's the new approach. I realized I wrote this whole 30 in 30 list of things that I want to accomplish this year and I haven't taken an active approach toward it yet. So here's the deal...I'm focusing on me. I'm going to accomplish these goals. Some of the things I really need to hunker down on are getting the certs for training/spinning and going skydiving!!!!!! aw yeah.
Oh, you want to know about the OTHER approach....with guys. Well. I originally thought - ok, no more. Just none. But, let's be honest - I LOVE guys - it's just not going to happen :-) But for now - nothing serious. I'm so over this Veterinarian. He's into me - he's not into me - I just don't care anymore. Yesterday was kind of the last straw. I won't get into the details. And no, I'm not heartbroken - just annoyed. So it's...whatever.
I'm watching 'He's Just Not That In To You'....ha - yes, based off the book. I know there are some ridiculous things in it and they're not entirely true....but I just LOVE this part of the movie where Alex and Gigi are sitting in the bar and he's telling her about this girl and guy they're watching at the bar:
Alex: Guys invented the spark... ...so they could not call and treat you kind of badly and keep you guessing... ...then convince you that that anxiety and fear that just develops naturally... ...was actually just a spark. And you guys all buy it. You eat it up and you love it. You love it because you feed off that drama. You all love that drama.
Gigi: I don't.
Alex: So you never wait until the last minute on a deadline or a phone bill... ...because secretly you love the drama... ...of not knowing whether or not you're gonna make it?
Gigi: Maybe.
Alex: And let me guess: When you were stalking Conor the other night... ...were you obsessing about him calling... ...constantly pacing back and forth, staring at your phone for days... ...even though the date was just kind of mediocre?
Gigi: Okay. Yeah.
Alex: Because you all thrive on the drama. Thank you. Look, you gotta be more like me. If a girl likes me, great. But if not, there are plenty more out there like her, you know?
And although I am most certainly not of those people who thrives on the drama - sincerely I hate it - my friends know I hate it. In fact I'm one of those people that pays my bills on time, gets things done right away....I don't like waiting. I don't like not knowing. I don't like the anxiety. I have enough of it from my own doing - I don't need more. But I do like what Alex says at the end....but reversing it with guys...."if a guy likes me, great. But if not, there are plenty more out there like him, you know?" So. That's the new approach.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
“Control is never achieved when sought after directly. It is the surprising outcome of letting go.”~ James Arthur Ray
I like to control things. It's true. Who doesn't?
Control is a comfort to me. I know when and where things are going to happen. I know what to expect. I have the ability to be calm at all times when I'm in control. I sleep better at night when I'm in control. I look better, I feel better. I am positive in mind and thought.
So what's the problem? HAHA - No one really has control of anything. Life has a funny way of saying, "hah, not today!" I need to learn to let things go. I need to learn that if I just release that grip I have on some of the things in my life, everything will fall into place.
Example: I have been so worried about Student Teaching and being placed for the last week and a half that I wasn't sure if I was going to have to start making other plans. So Monday I decided to email a few other teachers....no dice. Tuesday came and went. Nothing. Wednesday I took off. I stayed home and did a laundry list of things I had to get finished and I surely did. I went to the Phillies game on Wednesday night and just kind of "let go". Yesterday morning when I woke up - I had a new student teacher candidate and voila! I'll be teaching at Lower Merion next spring with Rich Kressly. woot!
Maybe if I do that with more things in my life - I'll be golden? I just feel like letting go leaves so many options for things to go wrong....and I'm not a pessimist. I just like knowing that if something doesn't work out, it's because I did everything I possibly could in the process. I'm okay with failing or not having the desired outcome as long as I know I tried to work for the original goal. Like, for example....I don't like losing but if I know I did everything I could in the process to try and win - I can't be upset about it. I'm still proud of the fact that I tried the best I could and sometimes your best isn't always better than someone elses best. Make sense?
But who am I to even think I have control? I'm not religious but I do believe that there is a plan/path for all of us and God does help with that. He says, "Oh you're trying to make plans!? HAHA - that's funny. Not under my watch!" and then the switch is flipped. I take full responsibility for my actions and full responsibility for the choices I make but sometimes regardless of those actions or choices, there are results that you don't expect.
I think I'm going to work on "letting go" as I get ready to enter my 30's. I'm so tired of being worried all the time and waking up with an anxious stomach. I'm so tired of not being able to fall asleep because I can't stop thinking about stuff. I'm so tired of being tired and just tired of caring so much about whether or not something happens just because I want it to.
Just let it be....let life happen.....enjoy the time I have....who knows what'll surprise me?
Control is a comfort to me. I know when and where things are going to happen. I know what to expect. I have the ability to be calm at all times when I'm in control. I sleep better at night when I'm in control. I look better, I feel better. I am positive in mind and thought.
So what's the problem? HAHA - No one really has control of anything. Life has a funny way of saying, "hah, not today!" I need to learn to let things go. I need to learn that if I just release that grip I have on some of the things in my life, everything will fall into place.
Example: I have been so worried about Student Teaching and being placed for the last week and a half that I wasn't sure if I was going to have to start making other plans. So Monday I decided to email a few other teachers....no dice. Tuesday came and went. Nothing. Wednesday I took off. I stayed home and did a laundry list of things I had to get finished and I surely did. I went to the Phillies game on Wednesday night and just kind of "let go". Yesterday morning when I woke up - I had a new student teacher candidate and voila! I'll be teaching at Lower Merion next spring with Rich Kressly. woot!
Maybe if I do that with more things in my life - I'll be golden? I just feel like letting go leaves so many options for things to go wrong....and I'm not a pessimist. I just like knowing that if something doesn't work out, it's because I did everything I possibly could in the process. I'm okay with failing or not having the desired outcome as long as I know I tried to work for the original goal. Like, for example....I don't like losing but if I know I did everything I could in the process to try and win - I can't be upset about it. I'm still proud of the fact that I tried the best I could and sometimes your best isn't always better than someone elses best. Make sense?
But who am I to even think I have control? I'm not religious but I do believe that there is a plan/path for all of us and God does help with that. He says, "Oh you're trying to make plans!? HAHA - that's funny. Not under my watch!" and then the switch is flipped. I take full responsibility for my actions and full responsibility for the choices I make but sometimes regardless of those actions or choices, there are results that you don't expect.
I think I'm going to work on "letting go" as I get ready to enter my 30's. I'm so tired of being worried all the time and waking up with an anxious stomach. I'm so tired of not being able to fall asleep because I can't stop thinking about stuff. I'm so tired of being tired and just tired of caring so much about whether or not something happens just because I want it to.
Just let it be....let life happen.....enjoy the time I have....who knows what'll surprise me?
Friday, May 20, 2011
Did you hear....the world's going to end tomorrow?
Hah! Supposedly the world is ending tomorrow....but is it at Midnight tonight? or is it at Midnight tomorrow night? Or are they all wrong and the movie was right and its actually next year?
Personally, I don't believe it - but then the joke could be on me in a few days but if I AM wrong...will it matter? No one will be around to say "I told you so" - so why not just keep going?
I've never been über religious and even if I was, I certainly wouldn't think the Rapture was going to happen. There are no signs pointing to the Apocalypse. Sure there are natural disasters (tsunami's, earthquakes, etc), but those things would most likely be happening regardless of our existence. The Earth is a live being. It breathes, it eats, it rests. It's ever changing and I think that's appropriate for this blog.....just like me....ever changing.
We're nearing the time for proms and graduations. Can't believe another school year is down! It always makes me a little nostalgic for the dances I attended my senior year and, of course, graduation. When I think back on that time...I vividly remember thinking to myself, "I can't see what my life is going to be like in 10 years". Honestly. Some people can say that they see such and such about their future. Personally, most of my senior year of high school, I couldn't even see my graduation. Whether it was because I wasn't ready for it or because I was afraid and therefore blocked it out of my head - who knows - but what I know now is that regardless of whether you can imagine it - it happens. The future happens. Life moves forward with or without you, it's just more to your benefit to move along with it instead of remaining still/stagnant.
Since 1999 (yes, I graduated THAT long ago ha) a lot has happened and changed in my life. Like most high school seniors who just graduate, I had a lot of hope in my heart. I was in love - SO in love (another post for another time). I was accepted to every college I applied to and I was going to attend my first choice and swim there! I had a summer job lined up (aww yea lifeguarding). I had a summer ahead of me to celebrate and say goodbye to my closest friends. Most of all, I had so much to look forward to. It wasn't the BEST summer I've had (the year before that, when I got my license took that) but it ranks up there for me when I was a teenager.
I can't help but think, at the time, I was very content had the world ended then. In the 12 years since then, I'm grateful it hasn't! If the world were to end tomorrow, would I be happy with the life I've lead and where I'm at? Would I be content to say I'm fulfilled? How many people can say that?
There's this saying, "Live like there's no tomorrow". I think most people err on the side of caution. I do have a few friends that just live life to the fullest...but when I look at their life I see the differences. Most of them are still single (nothing wrong with that in the least). Most of them never stay in one place for too long. But they have very few worries. They're more happy-go-lucky and carefree. I think the challenge is finding the balance.
So would I be okay if the world ended tomorrow? I've had a pretty awesome life. I have amazing friends and family. I think the one thing I probably would've hope to have had by now was the beginnings of my own family....but I know I have plenty of time (haha or do I? lol) jk.
In reality - life goes on...besides, who's to say that we're not just all a figment of someone else's imagination anyway? (deep thoughts for a Friday morning)
Happy Weekend all!
Personally, I don't believe it - but then the joke could be on me in a few days but if I AM wrong...will it matter? No one will be around to say "I told you so" - so why not just keep going?
I've never been über religious and even if I was, I certainly wouldn't think the Rapture was going to happen. There are no signs pointing to the Apocalypse. Sure there are natural disasters (tsunami's, earthquakes, etc), but those things would most likely be happening regardless of our existence. The Earth is a live being. It breathes, it eats, it rests. It's ever changing and I think that's appropriate for this blog.....just like me....ever changing.
We're nearing the time for proms and graduations. Can't believe another school year is down! It always makes me a little nostalgic for the dances I attended my senior year and, of course, graduation. When I think back on that time...I vividly remember thinking to myself, "I can't see what my life is going to be like in 10 years". Honestly. Some people can say that they see such and such about their future. Personally, most of my senior year of high school, I couldn't even see my graduation. Whether it was because I wasn't ready for it or because I was afraid and therefore blocked it out of my head - who knows - but what I know now is that regardless of whether you can imagine it - it happens. The future happens. Life moves forward with or without you, it's just more to your benefit to move along with it instead of remaining still/stagnant.
Since 1999 (yes, I graduated THAT long ago ha) a lot has happened and changed in my life. Like most high school seniors who just graduate, I had a lot of hope in my heart. I was in love - SO in love (another post for another time). I was accepted to every college I applied to and I was going to attend my first choice and swim there! I had a summer job lined up (aww yea lifeguarding). I had a summer ahead of me to celebrate and say goodbye to my closest friends. Most of all, I had so much to look forward to. It wasn't the BEST summer I've had (the year before that, when I got my license took that) but it ranks up there for me when I was a teenager.
I can't help but think, at the time, I was very content had the world ended then. In the 12 years since then, I'm grateful it hasn't! If the world were to end tomorrow, would I be happy with the life I've lead and where I'm at? Would I be content to say I'm fulfilled? How many people can say that?
There's this saying, "Live like there's no tomorrow". I think most people err on the side of caution. I do have a few friends that just live life to the fullest...but when I look at their life I see the differences. Most of them are still single (nothing wrong with that in the least). Most of them never stay in one place for too long. But they have very few worries. They're more happy-go-lucky and carefree. I think the challenge is finding the balance.
So would I be okay if the world ended tomorrow? I've had a pretty awesome life. I have amazing friends and family. I think the one thing I probably would've hope to have had by now was the beginnings of my own family....but I know I have plenty of time (haha or do I? lol) jk.
In reality - life goes on...besides, who's to say that we're not just all a figment of someone else's imagination anyway? (deep thoughts for a Friday morning)
Happy Weekend all!
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