The current theme of my life. Tiredness.
It all started last Friday night and I guess I haven't completely recovered. Friday night I went out to Happy Hour with my friend Heather...we went to 333 Belrose, then Mixx, then Hykel's, and then John Henry's. Heather was kind enough to cover all the bills for the evening...nice friend, huh? She assured me that it was entirely okay and that once I had a real job, I could pay her back. I don't like doing that too often but it was nice of her and she's superawesomesauce so it was hard for me to say no. Plus, it was bound to be a fun night. AND. IT. WAS. Esp since I drank 5 glasses of wine..and then water. Lots of water.
See, remember that swim conference I told you about? Yeah, I still had to get to bed early enough that night so I would be okay the rest of the weekend. And although I was in bed by 11pm - I think the fact that Martha stopped by and I was already tired from the previous week...it all caught up to me. I felt and looked like crapola for the whole weekend of the conference. Didn't matter to me. I was there to learn. I have no one to impress. So after not working out all day Saturday and feeling like poop I decided (as you know from a previous post) to get up early on Sunday and run. And I did. At 5 AM. I'm crazy.
The run was less than spectacular and I only made it through 3.55 miles (which you know). And I headed to the conference feeling better but realizing that the wind that was blowing in my eyes that morning caused some major irritations....soooooo...I had puffy eyes the rest of the day. Ugh. I couldn't win. I got out of there relatively early that day. I got to go home and hang out a bit and just relax. I had to go house sit for Will and Gus so I ended up going to bed at 9PM but didn't fall asleep at 10 instead. The freakin' dogs were annoying the bejesus out of me and woke me up three times Sunday night so I didn't get a good night sleep. Had to get up at 6 to get Gus and Will off to school.
Monday I taught spin and after I got home and made some lunch, I attempted to read some of my book for my Lit class - I ended up taking a 2 hour nap instead. I was still tired. I went to bed early again Monday but woke up earlier on Tuesday. The 20 mile run became a 9 mile run. Last night I attempted to go to bed early but still didn't fall asleep til 11. Woke up at 6:30 today and taught spin. Felt tired from the getgo but Spin made me feel better. I had a full day but after I sat to read for three hours - I was ready for a nap. The dentist appointment I had didn't let me sleep and I had practice tonight.
I've got a full few more days through the weekend and it doesn't stop next week either. Something every day/night next week. Whew. Did you get all that?
Showing posts with label tired. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tired. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
Exhaustion and Not being able to say "no"
exhaustion (n)
1. extreme tiredness; fatigue
2. the condition of being used up; consumption exhaustion of the earth's resources
3. the act of exhausting or the state of being exhausted
If you're wondering where I'm at these days....see the definition above.
I knew it would all catch up to me at some point. I have a bazillion things going at once - and although I am VERY organized - I still feel very behind. For example, right now - I SHOULD be finishing my Shakespeare final. It's two questions - supposed to be atleast 8 pages.....I have answered one of those two questions and my paper is already 8 pages - SINGLE SPACED. I hope the professor knows what she's getting with me. ha. Let's just say, I never do anything half assed. I was telling my sister the other day that I didn't want to do it and she said, "well do you have an A already?" and I said, "as of right now, yes" and she said, "so forget about it". The thing is, I can't just do that. These are my grades. And anyone that knows me knows that my grades are EVERYTHING to me. I feel as though they reflect on the intelligence of my well-being. I have to have an A. It's just who I am.
Outside of this d-u-m-b final - I'm trying to get some stuff organized for the Mermaid Swim Team. I have two meetings coming up and have to schedule another one with the parents/coaches to get everyone on the same page. We have registration coming up soon - which I'll be present for - and I have to get the practice schedules solidified. I feel very behind in all of this but I'm sure it's still an improvement for them from last year considering the coach last year didn't do ANY of this. I guess I just need to give myself a break.
We have 4 more Lax games this season - One today, two next week and one the following week. Needless to say, I am counting down the days. This all means that I'll have WAY MORE time to get back into the other things I've been putting off - like Baldwin and just "me" time. I haven't had ANY of that at all. Of course, I AM choosing for my life to be like this - but I think my biggest problem is that I can't say no.
I just can't do it. I don't know how to say no - and I find myself doing things that I don't like doing - like - the other night - a friend called and I didn't want to talk - so I just didn't answer. I felt terrible about it. I still feel terrible when friends ask me to go out and I tell them I can't. It has nothing to do with not wanting to spend time with them and I am ALWAYS grateful for the invite - and I don't always say no - but just this week, and even last night on my way home from Baldwin - I had to pull the car over because I couldn't stop crying. I seem to be able to start the tears at the drop of a hat. I'm exhausted. I'm overwhelmed. I'm to blame. I feel badly about it. I don't want to feel badly about it. I want to go out with my friends and have a good time. I want that to be my life! And I keep telling myself..."when lacrosse is over I'll have more time..." and I will...but is that really a reason for me to put things off? IDK.
We also have our Golf Outing coming up for the Rachel and Troy Foundation. I feel terribly about all of it. I really dropped the ball this year and I feel like everyone is pointing the finger that, "katie didn't or isn't doing anything to help". I'm trying - I really am. I feel like I'm not being a good leader on the board and I feel like I'm not helping enough.....People look to me for answers there and I feel like I don't have any. I don't know what's wrong with me.
Right now, there are a few things that are keeping me together - my exercise/running and the fact that I can't quit. I just can't quit anything. I can't say no. I overloaded myself.
Next week - I'm only going in to Cabrini on Monday and possibly Wednesday. The semester is over this week so there is one week where we don't have to be there. But one of the workers left for a new job so we're kind of swamped there. Again, another responsibility that I feel obligated to be a part of...I know that's not really my responsibility but I am a Graduate Assistant and they are SO lenient when it comes to my schedule that I kind of feel like I owe them....if that makes sense.
Despite my inability to say "no", it does come in handy on occasion:-) But that's a story for another time....
::sigh:: - off to write the answer to this last question....then hopefully go running...then a lax game...I could sure use a break
1. extreme tiredness; fatigue
2. the condition of being used up; consumption exhaustion of the earth's resources
3. the act of exhausting or the state of being exhausted
If you're wondering where I'm at these days....see the definition above.
I knew it would all catch up to me at some point. I have a bazillion things going at once - and although I am VERY organized - I still feel very behind. For example, right now - I SHOULD be finishing my Shakespeare final. It's two questions - supposed to be atleast 8 pages.....I have answered one of those two questions and my paper is already 8 pages - SINGLE SPACED. I hope the professor knows what she's getting with me. ha. Let's just say, I never do anything half assed. I was telling my sister the other day that I didn't want to do it and she said, "well do you have an A already?" and I said, "as of right now, yes" and she said, "so forget about it". The thing is, I can't just do that. These are my grades. And anyone that knows me knows that my grades are EVERYTHING to me. I feel as though they reflect on the intelligence of my well-being. I have to have an A. It's just who I am.
Outside of this d-u-m-b final - I'm trying to get some stuff organized for the Mermaid Swim Team. I have two meetings coming up and have to schedule another one with the parents/coaches to get everyone on the same page. We have registration coming up soon - which I'll be present for - and I have to get the practice schedules solidified. I feel very behind in all of this but I'm sure it's still an improvement for them from last year considering the coach last year didn't do ANY of this. I guess I just need to give myself a break.
We have 4 more Lax games this season - One today, two next week and one the following week. Needless to say, I am counting down the days. This all means that I'll have WAY MORE time to get back into the other things I've been putting off - like Baldwin and just "me" time. I haven't had ANY of that at all. Of course, I AM choosing for my life to be like this - but I think my biggest problem is that I can't say no.
I just can't do it. I don't know how to say no - and I find myself doing things that I don't like doing - like - the other night - a friend called and I didn't want to talk - so I just didn't answer. I felt terrible about it. I still feel terrible when friends ask me to go out and I tell them I can't. It has nothing to do with not wanting to spend time with them and I am ALWAYS grateful for the invite - and I don't always say no - but just this week, and even last night on my way home from Baldwin - I had to pull the car over because I couldn't stop crying. I seem to be able to start the tears at the drop of a hat. I'm exhausted. I'm overwhelmed. I'm to blame. I feel badly about it. I don't want to feel badly about it. I want to go out with my friends and have a good time. I want that to be my life! And I keep telling myself..."when lacrosse is over I'll have more time..." and I will...but is that really a reason for me to put things off? IDK.
We also have our Golf Outing coming up for the Rachel and Troy Foundation. I feel terribly about all of it. I really dropped the ball this year and I feel like everyone is pointing the finger that, "katie didn't or isn't doing anything to help". I'm trying - I really am. I feel like I'm not being a good leader on the board and I feel like I'm not helping enough.....People look to me for answers there and I feel like I don't have any. I don't know what's wrong with me.
Right now, there are a few things that are keeping me together - my exercise/running and the fact that I can't quit. I just can't quit anything. I can't say no. I overloaded myself.
Next week - I'm only going in to Cabrini on Monday and possibly Wednesday. The semester is over this week so there is one week where we don't have to be there. But one of the workers left for a new job so we're kind of swamped there. Again, another responsibility that I feel obligated to be a part of...I know that's not really my responsibility but I am a Graduate Assistant and they are SO lenient when it comes to my schedule that I kind of feel like I owe them....if that makes sense.
Despite my inability to say "no", it does come in handy on occasion:-) But that's a story for another time....
::sigh:: - off to write the answer to this last question....then hopefully go running...then a lax game...I could sure use a break
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