Once you dig in....

You'll find it coming out the other side
And once you dig in
You'll find you'll have yourself a good time

Wake up and shake it, you didn't
make your contribution
There ain't no time for you to spare
If you ain't part of the
game then how can you find
a solution
Nobody said that it would be fair

When the mountain is high
Just look up to the sky
Ask God to teach you
Then persevere with a smile
Yeah yeah yeah

~ Lenny Kravitz

I like music. Ok.....so I really like music. In fact, I am so into music, I generally listen to it as often as I possibly can. I like lyrics. I love the way things just fit some times. I like knowing that there are other people out there that can think the exact same things as me. In a way, it makes me feel less alone. I think that's why I've always been naturally inclined to listen and/or play music as often as possible. I tend to listen to music more when I am sad or feeling lonely - hence...the current desire to listen to it all the time.

I'm kind of at the mindset that things can only go up from here. I've been down lately. I know I am choosing to not do things for several reasons. Saving money is a big part of that - but also because, I don't feel that great about myself.

Things with "you know who" crumbled and not that I expected anything major to come of it - but honestly, and as I've mentioned before, it would've been nice. I'm ready for a real relationship again. I'm ready to face things head on with someone and eventually take those next steps that are a part of life (i.e. marriage, babies, happiness). I still want to be the best person I can be - and obviously - while I'm waiting for those other things, I will continue to strive to do that.....but.....I just want a sign of sorts....to tell me...."hey katie, don't worry - it's not all for naught....so and so is out there for you...and things are going to be great."

A few weeks ago I went out to dinner with my friend Alan. We went to P.F. Chang's - and at the end of every Chinese meal, you know, you get the proverbial fortune cookie. The one I got that night said, "Soon you will be on top of the world." Oh yeah? That's nice. When? Huh? When? Why do those things have to be so freakin' vague! Why can't someone just tell me when it's my turn? Seriously. I try to do all that right things. I try to be a good person. I work hard at my job and I try to be a good friend, daughter, and sister. I just want to know when it's my turn to get the things I deserve?

I guess Lenny was right - "Nobody said it would be fair"