The Future is Now....

“When it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people: those who let it happen, those who make it happen, and those who wonder what happened.” ~Some random guy that I'm not sure who he is but his words are OH SO TRUE!

I saw this quote and it had to be mine....at least for today. It's my current FB status too. Ahh, how much do y'all love my etheral quotes? haha. I do actually get a lot of comments from friends on them - randomly albeit but ones that say, "I love your quotes"....esp from people who I never see all the time. So I got that goin' for me. Ha!

I, as I always do, have been thinking about the future. Why? What's the point? All I can do is work with the here and now. The future is so far away and yet it's now. Today is a day (and the month in general) that a few months ago I was thinking, "what am I going to do with myself in August?" Turns out, I don't know how to slow down. Actually, it turns out when I'm not busy, I don't do stuff! I'm a much better worker when I've got a lot of pots on the stove. Does anyone else ever feel like that?

I feel like I'm all out of wack because I have SO much free time and when I have things I have to do, I just avoid doing them. Is that the downward spiral to becoming unmotivated? I certainly hope not. I also find myself not as happy when I'm not busy. I really enjoy being busy - as weird as that sounds. I enjoy knowing I have something "next" to go to or to do in a day. Yesterday was one of those days where I had all my "stuff" done by 2PM. What did I do the rest of the day? Oh, I sat on the couch and watched TV. I could've been doing a million other things...but no, I sat. On my couch (Very comfy). Watched anything and everything I could do avoid doing simple things. Today, Wedneday, and Thursday will not be like this....Friday I have one thing to do and it isn't until 3PM. I've been trying to sleep in because for some reason I am having issues sleeping again - maybe that'll be Friday's goal - to sleep til 2 :-) haha.

So what does the quote have to do with the post? In my free time I find myself thinking about the up-coming year. Worrying - which is hardly helpful since worry gets you nowhere and yet I am a master sensi at it. Id like to think that everything I've been doing up until this point (over the last two and a half years) will be the things that "make it happen" for my future....it's only normal to have some sense of skepticism, right? Like I shouldn't push forward with blind optimism because if I'm atleast realistic about all of it, then I won't be 100% disappointed if it doesn't happen......right? I feel like in my life the more realistic I am about things, the easier it is to soften the blow when or if the expected doesn't happen.

I often think back to a time before I used to think this way.....when? Ha. I was in high school...and my first year of college really. It wasn't until my Sophomore year that I got to be so anxious. I guess that's one thing I'll always have from my ED. Anxiety and worry. It's gotten a LOT better since then - I mean, it has been 10 years since I began the program and 9 since I finished it....so I think I'm doing pretty okay all things considered.

That being said...I still take each day at a time and try to refocus my energies on the here and now. Because as we all know, you could be here one minute and gone the next....