I feel like I'm stuck.
It happens to me occasionally. I'm stuck but I'm not. I have options but I don't. Ever feel like that?
Right now - if you've read my previous posts - you know that I've been doing a lot of thinking. Trying to be proud of my accomplishments, even though it's just "what I do". And trying to suss it all out because I'm not sure what it all means.
What are my goals?
I was reading MegaNerd's latest post (not the one where she got the job but the one before with her 1-2, 5, and 10 year plans) and it got me to thinking. Honestly, at first, I laughed a bit. She has that by the time she is 27 she'll have met and married the love of her life. Really? How can you plan that? She also has that by the time she's 32 or something she'll have kids. I say, "really?" again. How can you plan things like that?
But then I started thinking, is it because I didn't set those goals for myself that I don't have those things yet? And I wonder if I'm even setting real goals for myself. I mean - we're coming on 2 years of me having moved back to Philly and I STILL live at home. MUCH longer than I anticipated. I wanted to be at home for a year - tops. (just so y'all are aware, I COULD move out but it would put a significant financial strain on my life and I just can't deal with that stress right now). But am I going about life the wrong way? Am I just taking ANY road? Am I satisfied that I am not really getting anywhere? Or am I laying all the ground-work now so that in a year I'll have all the goals I set forth before I moved home?
Let's backtrack a bit - shall we? Flash back to January of 2009:
I was dating Ben (ugh) and thinking that he and I were going to be something more than it turned out to be - figures. But regardless, I knew deep down that my work at TGC would have to come to an end soon...and even though I would have the cheerleading work and possibly more, I didn't want that life for myself. I knew I needed something more. I knew I wanted to make a difference and help people.
For some reason, similarly to the way I picked Albright - I picked Cabrini. I just knew it was the easiest choice and that I didn't have to take the GRE's (bonus!) to get in. I was never worried about being accepted. Just worried about whether or not I was making the right decision. Do I miss Florida? A day doesn't go by that I don't. Did I make the right choice? I'd like to say 80% yes. I've met some amazing people since I've come back here and am welcomed with open arms any time I want to go back to Orlando :-) It's nice to know.
Cabrini is a great place for me but I wonder if my time is over there. I have been (not actively) looking for other temp jobs to pay for school and to help me move out. I think I need to be a little more proactive on it. This summer I'm the head coach of a swim team (pumped!) but it's going to take up a lot of my time and for little money. I'm looking to fill the time - possibly with lessons or other work.
In the mean time - I coach two (hopefully soon, three) sports at Lower Merion. My name is in the district. The parents like me. I am hoping that keeps my options there and can look forward to a job there so I can continue working with the kids I devote so much of my time to (I LOVE IT!). Like many things in this world, there are no guarantees. Sometimes I think I have ADD when it comes to career choices. I would love to do everything. SERIOUSLY. But I am not willing to give up what I have already established and worked for.
As I mentioned, I was reading Megan's goals - and I have set these kinds of goals for myself all my life - just loosely because if there is one thing I know it's that life can throw you a curve ball ANY TIME IT WANTS.
I think my next post will be on my goals.
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