Some of you are aware that I struggled with an eating disorder (anorexia/orthorexia) in college. Since my path back to normalcy (although we'll get to that), I've always taken an active approach in trying to help other girls and boys with this problem. Most of you know my story but here's the shorter version:
When I was in college, I was a swimmer (yay swimming!). My Sophomore year I got so stressed out that I got Shingles (basically the adult form of chicken pox - but WAY more painful). I was out of practice for alteast a week or two and I suppose I just kind of gave up. Sad. I think had I stuck it out I would've had a great four years of swimming but I digress. I decided to workout on my own and see if I couldn't take off some of the weight I had gained in the last year (you know, the dreaded freshman 15). So I started going to the gym and eating less. And I started weighing myself to see how I was progressing. Eventually it got away from me.
A typical day for me that Spring of my Sophomore year was: wake up, go to class(not eating anything before hand) and bring my workout clothes/gear with me, after class (which was usually from 8-11 or 12 (I liked getting them out of the way and over with so I had my afternoons to do work or workout or whathaveyou) I'd go straight to the gym for about an hour and a half to two hours. Yup. I still hadn't eaten. My roommate, Netty, had class later in the morning and was usually finished around 12 or 1 so I'd head back to our dorm room and we'd walk to lunch together (unless she had gone right to the caf and then I'd just eat popcorn in my room). Usually for lunch I'd have some kind of cereal, fruit, a salad, or just rice from the taco bar. Definitely not enough after having not eaten since dinner the night before and a two hour workout. The rest of the day I just remember being so proud of myself for not eating and having control over the situation. I remember thinking how if I just at less and less each day I'd get to my goal weight.
What was my goal weight? To be honest - I don't even know if I had one. I do remember at one point my lowest weight. 115. Now.....I'm about 5'7" and weighing 115 does not look healthy when you're that tall. Sure there are people who are that weight and that height. For me, not so much. I don't have any pictures scanned for you at the moment to show you exactly what I looked like at my worst but I will before the week is through.
So why share this with everyone? Well...I suppose it's to keep people aware that it can happen to anyone - even someone who appears to be happy and normal. My world was so topsy turvy and the only way I knew how to control it was to restrict my eating.
What I ask is for everyone to keep in mind - when you see someone who looks super skinny or has a "perfect look" - it's possible that they're hurting on the inside more than you know. I might've been a size 2 and wearing Junior's clothes on the outside but on the inside I was screaming/dying/lonely/depressed.
No comments:
Post a Comment