"Life is hard......

it's harder when you're stupid." ~ John Wayne

[[Sidenote: I started writing this post last Thursday...it is now Tuesday Morning and I am finishing the update. Yup. I've been THAT busy]]

I think that quote is so appropriate for me these days. I have just been plain stupid. Not with EVERYTHING...but....enough for it to set me back a few months.

I found out yesterday that I will not be student teaching this spring.

I also found out that I have to take at least FOUR more content area classes before I can attempt said student teaching.

So you can imagine the kinds of things going through my mind last night:
Where will I get the money for this?
How could I have been so stupid to not ask for help when I needed it?
Why must I insist on doing everything myself?
I'm going to have to find a job!
I'll NEVER get to teach! (this was said several times)
WHY ANOTHER SET BACK
I should've stayed in Orlando - so many job opportunities....
Why do I keep making the wrong decisions?
Why did I do this?

Ok, ok, you get the idea. Basically, I was beating myself up. Luckily, Joyce was with me last night (one of the ladies who works in the Grad Office) and she not only calmed me down but helped me to put things into perspective.

It is possible that this is a good thing. I was/am so gung-ho about teaching, I wasn't even really taking the time to enjoy the ride. I just have such a hard time accepting this.

I'm nearly 30 years old. Shouldn't I "have all my ducks in a row" so to speak? I feel so very far behind in my life. No wonder I've resorted to so many adolescent activities this summer. I'm doing my damnest to not grow up....and while some might say you should never grow up....growing up has its advantages.

The things I feel as though I should have by now:
A real job
My own home
I should be paying for ALL of my bills
As much as I'd like to add to this list "having a boyfriend and/or potential spouse", I simply can't. There's really no reason I HAVE to have one. I just want one :-)

Tuesday Morning Post:
So since all the fiasco above, I've calmed down a bit. I've rethought what I might do for the next year and I think I'm pretty happy with it.

I'm heading out to Orlando this afternoon - I can't wait to do nothing for five whole days. I might try to see if some of my friends want to venture to Universal with me...but we'll see how that goes. I really want to see the new Harry Potter. Maybe some of them will play hooky with me.

I'm going to do some major talking with Trish and have a wonderful time with friends for the next five days. Much deserved if you ask me.

I'll be updating more throughout the week...and I need to write a post on the final days at PSC for this summer....so look for that too.

Toodles!