When I grow up.....I wanna be famous...

wanna be a star...I wanna be in movies...When I grow up..I wanna see the world...drive a nice...I wanna have boobies...

haha. Yeah. I want all those things:-)....

the purpose for that subject is basically to touch on the point of how much actual growing up I've done in the last five years.....and why I'm pretty proud of myself lately...

Over the course of the last few days, I've been house sitting. These people who's house I was at - have a scale. A SCALE. I know - doesn't sound daunting - but for me - scales are the devil....for a variety of reasons...allow me to explain....

When I was sick (aka - not eating/exercising too much aka anorexia/orthorexia) I began the process of weighing myself on a daily basis and THEN it was more like three or four times a day - and THEN it was after I would eat something or workout. It was bad and I pretty much lived and died by that scale and the numbers on it. I hated it but I loved it too - it was a really bad addiction. When I started the recovery process - I was told not to weigh myself - and as hard as that was at first - in order to recover - I would HAVE to stop doing it. Eventually I stopped but I gained weight and because I was afraid of knowing how much I weighed, I just stopped getting on any scale unless I wanted to torture myself. I think it's one of the reasons I don't go to the doctor too. I just can not stand knowing that someone else would know what I weigh let alone myself. I figure, I feel good, my clothes fit, I should be ok....I stay away from ANY scale - because I like where I'm at right now - and I know no matter what the number is, I'm not going to be satisfied...so I stay away from them entirely.

There were moments in these last few days where I was tempted - the scale at their house was definitely calling to me - and in a way I told myself - well if you just do it once, you can know how much you have to lose...yada yada...but honestly, I don't want that pressure. I'll lose weight - I'll get down to the size I want - it'll take time - I just have to keep exercising and eating healthy.

I do know a few things I need to do. I need to eat clean - no drinking - no desserts - no junk - for a little bit. I honestly feel better and it will definitely take away from some of that added poundage that I don't want.

Whatevs...I'm proud of myself for the last few days...

It keeps you running....yeah it keeps you running....

Lately I've been really in to running - I'm not sure if it's just because I really enjoy the solitude or if I know in the back of my head that I am running a half marathon in about two months with the hopes of doing a full just a few months after that. All this being said - I was reading a blog from Hot Thick Chick and she did a meme about running so I thought I'd humor myself and whomever reads this (which is like - two people)...and do it...here goes

1. How would you describe your running 10 years ago?
10 years ago - actually - I was a senior in high school - and honestly - that year, I started running - to lose weight and stay in shape when swimming was over. I always swore to myself that I would never run - I HATED running - I mean, despised it. Which is kind of ironic because I played sports in which I had to run - field hockey, lacrosse, soccer - I guess things change over time. But 10 years ago - I would run every other day after school was over and swim season was over - about 6 miles - and I distinctly remember running to ESPN Jock Jams over and OVER .....ah, memories

2. What is your best and worst run/race experience?

I haven't really had a bad race experience YET...but so far my best race experience was the 15k I ran at disney in May - I did pretty well - 1:24:45 (about 9 mins)...so I'm hoping to get a little faster for my half marathon and hopefully do a sub 4 for the marathon

Worst: I do remember a run I did last year at my old house - my back was KILLING me about 2 miles into the run - I had to stop and walk back home - i was laid up the rest of the day :-( it was no fun

3. Why do you run?
Honestly - I'm pretty much addicted to it now....I run for the solitude...I run for the stress relief....I run for the high afterwards...I run to feel good...I run so I can eat whatever I want....I run because I can get more mileage in an hour than if I walk:-)

4. What is the best or worst piece of advice you've been given about running?
I don't really ask about running - I read everything I can - but I've definitely learned to never wash or put my sneakers in the dryer.....


5. Tell us something surprising about yourself that not many people would know.
As much as I like running outside - I totally prefer running on a treadmill.



Side note to all of this - I am pretty sure I am going to join a masters swim team - I just miss it

When I step into the light....

my arms are open wide....When I step into the light...my eyes searching wildly.

Would you not like to be, sitting on top of the world with your legs hanging free? Would you not like to be, okay, okay, okay?

It's a Dave Matthews Band kind of morning. Mellow and fun - :::sigh::: It's been a long time since I've seen a Dave show - how I wish I could see him again. Technically I am supposed to go see him in July but because I'll be away - I'm missing the concert. Oh well.

So - how was my weekend in Key West? Frakkin' AWEsome! It was a great time all around and I am pretty tired today at work - but - definitely worth it. Some interesting things happened this weekend - some advancements in areas that I had previously given up on (the boy situation) and made some new friends. I didn't take as many pictures as I wanted to - but hopefully I'll get some from others and that will make up for it. I guess I was just having too good of a time to do it - that an I kept forgetting to bring my camera everywhere....but here are a few highlights:

OUR BEACH





OUR BIKER GANG - THE NUMBER 2's!


As for the vacation - very relaxing. More insight about other situations later - that is all for now:-) I miss it already!