I shouldn't miss you.....
I shouldn't......
I shouldn't think about you as often as I do.....
I shouldn't.....
I shouldn't wonder what you're doing because you're not wondering about me.....
I shouldn't......
I shouldn't care about you this much.......
I shouldn't......
I shouldn't still have these moments of weakness.......
I shouldn't......
I shouldn't have hope........
I shouldn't.......
But I do......
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Learning to let go....
I don't know about anyone else...but I am terrible at letting go. I am and most certainly have gotten better at it since I was in college....but to explain what I mean:
-I need to learn to let go of feeling like I disappoint people. In reality, people are not as upset as we all think they are. Sure, we might break plans with them and then disappear for a bit because we are busy, but our real friends won't care about the gaps between talking or seeing one another. And if they do, it probably comes from a place of love and concern rather than anger and resentment.
-I need to learn to let go of the fact that I do not have control over most things in my life. I may try on a daily basis to have control but the truth is, something could throw a wrench into my life at any moment - or someone else's life that is close to me - and it could disrupt everything. I have to learn to just give things up to the universe. Things WILL work out the way they are supposed to.
-I need to learn to let go of the fact that I am still single at 31. I put up really good fronts about how I feel about it and the fact of the matter is, I am less okay with it than I let others know. But I've been told I can't do the looking, it just has to happen. I need to learn to not worry about this so much. What's so wrong with spending my life without a partner? Nothing at all. But the real question is - do I want to spend my life without a partner/husband/spouse? Not at all.
-I need to learn more patience with myself. I'm getting much better at delegating work and not trying to do everything myself - but I have little to no patience for myself. Why do I do that? I have plenty of patience for everyone else and my friends? Why do I feel like I shouldn't have the same amount of patience with myself? I have high expectations for myself, yes. But sometimes it's okay to not meet them. Why do I tell myself otherwise?
-I need to turn these "needs" into "will".
I will let go of feeling like I disappoint people.
I will learn to let go of the fact that I have no control over things.
I will learn to let go of the fact that I am still single at 31.
I will learn to have more patience with myself.
I will.
-I need to learn to let go of feeling like I disappoint people. In reality, people are not as upset as we all think they are. Sure, we might break plans with them and then disappear for a bit because we are busy, but our real friends won't care about the gaps between talking or seeing one another. And if they do, it probably comes from a place of love and concern rather than anger and resentment.
-I need to learn to let go of the fact that I do not have control over most things in my life. I may try on a daily basis to have control but the truth is, something could throw a wrench into my life at any moment - or someone else's life that is close to me - and it could disrupt everything. I have to learn to just give things up to the universe. Things WILL work out the way they are supposed to.
-I need to learn to let go of the fact that I am still single at 31. I put up really good fronts about how I feel about it and the fact of the matter is, I am less okay with it than I let others know. But I've been told I can't do the looking, it just has to happen. I need to learn to not worry about this so much. What's so wrong with spending my life without a partner? Nothing at all. But the real question is - do I want to spend my life without a partner/husband/spouse? Not at all.
-I need to learn more patience with myself. I'm getting much better at delegating work and not trying to do everything myself - but I have little to no patience for myself. Why do I do that? I have plenty of patience for everyone else and my friends? Why do I feel like I shouldn't have the same amount of patience with myself? I have high expectations for myself, yes. But sometimes it's okay to not meet them. Why do I tell myself otherwise?
-I need to turn these "needs" into "will".
I will let go of feeling like I disappoint people.
I will learn to let go of the fact that I have no control over things.
I will learn to let go of the fact that I am still single at 31.
I will learn to have more patience with myself.
I will.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
The Year is Drawing to a Close
As promised, I am updating and taking a look back on my 2012 Resolutions with the intent of putting forth 2013 Resolutions.
My 2012 Resolutions were:
1. Finish my 30 in 30 - yeah, that didn't happen. It was a pretty ambitious list anyway.
2. Get a Real Teaching Job - I am currently subbing for a variety of school districts. Here's hoping that turns into something.... I am, however, working as an adjunct professor for the local community college, so that's technically a real teaching job, right?
3. Continue to practice patience and compassion - since injuring my foot in September, taking up Yoga was probably the BEST thing I've done all year. When I couldn't use running to cope with my sadness from the breakup, Yoga became my retreat. I am SO grateful to have it in my life.
4. Visit my friends more - sadly, I didn't do this at all. Financially I was not able to make it to Allan's Wedding in July nor have I been able to go down to Florida at all. I still have yet to visit Reagan in Jersey....I am a terrible friend.
5. Bridge the gaps in friendships that seem to have become larger than I would've liked - I am not entirely sure how I've done with this but I think I've definitely done better. I reached back out to my friend Jen from Albright and Brian from CMU, as well as keep in touch with my CMU friends a bit more. I am scheduled to hang out with a friend from La Salle during the Holidays....so....I think this is a checked off thing :-)
What I'd really like for 2013 is for everything I've been working so hard for in the last 2-3 years to finally come to fruition. Whether you believe in astrology or not, the stars keep saying that things are nearly aligned for me....I can kind of feel it too. Whatever that means....whether it means to obtain a job or to find the love of my life.....who knows. What I do know is that I am optimistic for 2013. There are an insane amount of things that I will be preoccupied with starting in January. My weekly schedule will leave little room for extracurriculars....which in some ways is good. My weekends, however, will be freer - so I have that going for me!
2013 Resolutions:
1. Practice Yoga 1-4 times a week.
2. Continue to see my therapist.
3. Join a Crossfit Gym.
4. Get a Real Teaching Job at a local High School
5. Learn to say 'no' and not feel bad about it.
6. Volunteer.
I'd add more but I think any more than 5 or 6 goals in a year is tough for me since I have a lot on my plate right now. I'll check back in a year with the outcome :-)
My 2012 Resolutions were:
1. Finish my 30 in 30 - yeah, that didn't happen. It was a pretty ambitious list anyway.
2. Get a Real Teaching Job - I am currently subbing for a variety of school districts. Here's hoping that turns into something.... I am, however, working as an adjunct professor for the local community college, so that's technically a real teaching job, right?
3. Continue to practice patience and compassion - since injuring my foot in September, taking up Yoga was probably the BEST thing I've done all year. When I couldn't use running to cope with my sadness from the breakup, Yoga became my retreat. I am SO grateful to have it in my life.
4. Visit my friends more - sadly, I didn't do this at all. Financially I was not able to make it to Allan's Wedding in July nor have I been able to go down to Florida at all. I still have yet to visit Reagan in Jersey....I am a terrible friend.
5. Bridge the gaps in friendships that seem to have become larger than I would've liked - I am not entirely sure how I've done with this but I think I've definitely done better. I reached back out to my friend Jen from Albright and Brian from CMU, as well as keep in touch with my CMU friends a bit more. I am scheduled to hang out with a friend from La Salle during the Holidays....so....I think this is a checked off thing :-)
What I'd really like for 2013 is for everything I've been working so hard for in the last 2-3 years to finally come to fruition. Whether you believe in astrology or not, the stars keep saying that things are nearly aligned for me....I can kind of feel it too. Whatever that means....whether it means to obtain a job or to find the love of my life.....who knows. What I do know is that I am optimistic for 2013. There are an insane amount of things that I will be preoccupied with starting in January. My weekly schedule will leave little room for extracurriculars....which in some ways is good. My weekends, however, will be freer - so I have that going for me!
2013 Resolutions:
1. Practice Yoga 1-4 times a week.
2. Continue to see my therapist.
3. Join a Crossfit Gym.
4. Get a Real Teaching Job at a local High School
5. Learn to say 'no' and not feel bad about it.
6. Volunteer.
I'd add more but I think any more than 5 or 6 goals in a year is tough for me since I have a lot on my plate right now. I'll check back in a year with the outcome :-)
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