"Let us have faith that right makes might, and in that faith, let us, to the end, dare to do our duty as we understand it."~Abraham Lincoln
If you can't guess already (as this is my second post in less than 4 hours) - church was really good today. It was REALLY good. We had an awesome speaker who talked about three main things...all of which are my goals this week.
1. Letting go of attachments.
2. Do Not Worry
3. Letting go of judgements.
The second one is one I know I DEFINITELY need to work on - and as is said - it's one of my three goals this week. The idea is that if you let go of these things, you will become open to good things...if you believe and open yourself up to good things happening - it will.
That being said - he also talked about looking back on your life and looking at your current life and thinking about all the things you are grateful for. Everything that you have and can say, I am blessed, I am good. I don't need to worry or judge or hold on to things that make it difficult for the good to get in.....because with the worry interferes with God's ability to send you good thoughts and love.
Also - if anyone who's reading this knows me - which I would assume you do cause there aren't too many people that know about this blog - I realize all this talk about god is abnormal for me. I've never really considered myself religious on account of the events that happened with my parents and the forcefulness of catholicism into my life growing up - but this new church is awesome - and I love that it's helping me become a better person:-)
Anyway - going back to my good thoughts - one of the ideas of thinking about the good things in my life was to write it all down - and what better place for it to be listed than here:-) So, here goes!
I Am Grateful For:
- My family
- My Health
- Intelligence
- Friends
- Being able to walk, talk, read, write, and listen
- The ability for people to turn to me for help
- Having the ability to help others
- Knowing that I am stronger than I actually think I do
- Music
- Pictures
- Memories
- Sunshine and Rainy Days
- Sports
- The ability to play sports
- Kindness
- Snow in winter time
- Airplanes that allow me to go home and visit friends and family
- The money that enables me to travel and pay for things
- My job and my abilities to do my job well
......
I am sure there are plenty more that I am grateful for - but right now - I'm glad my list looks the way it does:-)
Happy Thoughts, Let go of attachment, let go of judgement......DO NOT WORRY!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
and I ache to remember...
all the violent, sweet words that you said....
It's been one of those weekends. I talked to my dad for at least an hour last night. I've had a great couple of weeks - but I think Saturday it just kind of all came tumbling down....and I don't mean like my life collapsed ...but just the high I was on, ended.
I felt REALLY lonely yesterday. I was surrounded by people but felt entirely alone. It happens to me some times. Something is clouding my thoughts right now. I know this because I've been having anxiety attacks. I keep waking up in the middle of the night and too early in the morning....with knots in my stomach and heart palpitations. I haven't felt like this since college - I don't know exactly the reason. There could be a lot of culprits. Here's what I have it narrowed down to:
1. There have been a lot of firings at work. Not that I'm on that list but it's still pretty unnerving that these people are being let go and it makes me - in some ways - concerned for my job.
2. I am stagnant. I told myself a long time ago that I wanted to go back to school for my PhD or another Masters degree. It's now been almost four years since I've been finished with my M.A. I think I'm antsy in getting to that next point in my life.
3. Going along with the second reason - my personal life has had kind of a shake up in the last few months....which is great! But, and this goes back to previous posts, I still worry that despite recent changes - I'm going to end up alone and enjoying all these wonderful things I'm doing with my life - ALL. BY. MY. SELF.
4. To tangent off of 3.....there is this guy. It's new...and part of me almost feels like it's too good to be true. He and I seem to be on the same page as far as - well - everything. There, of course, is a kink in the rope.....he lives in PA and I live in FL. Awesome.
I'm going home for Thanksgiving in less than 2 weeks and I anticipate a lot of things going on. I'm running a Half Marathon - which I'm totally stoked for btw - the run is an amazing scenic run. Yay for that. Jackie's birthday is the 24th - so obviously good times to be had by all:-) aren't they always when I go home? I'm hoping to see Netty and Reagan too - and I've made loose plans to hang out with Drew and Mike from high school...as well as a few others. Thanksgiving is most likely going to be spend at my Aunt Patty's - mmmmm butternut squash soup:-) I love home this time of year. The 10 days are sure to be packed and I guarantee lots of fun. Including actually meeting this guy for the first time.
This goes without saying - I'm nervous. Like I said, it almost seems too good to be true. I like him....a lot. And based on what I know and have heard...he likes me...a lot. All good things. So why can't you just let it be Katie????? Why can't you just go with the flow?! I wish I knew. I guess it just happens to me - I get nervous about things I am really excited about. What if he meets me and is like - you don't look anything like your pictures....or what if what we have via long distance doesn't translate in person? What if I don't like him? (which I highly doubt because - like I said - we're so on the same page).
I've been weighing a lot of options for myself. A lot. Grad school. Work. Friends. Family. Besides the fact that I've convinced Kelly to move to Florida.....I can't really leave right now. I guess part of me always thought I'd move back to the Philly area....just...kind of didn't want to believe it. I mean. It's home. I guess it's why I go back so much. I have to thank most of my friends for being there too....cause I really wouldn't go back as often if it weren't for Jackie or Netty - and of course my family - but that would most likely just be holidays (ok that's a total lie).
I love where I grew up. I loved the childhood I had. I had an awesome experience in my neighborhood. It's actually a story that I've always thought belonged in a novel or as a movie. When I describe it to people - they almost don't believe me...and really - why should they believe me? It really sounds like something someone would make up. It's definitely a story for another time....
But until then...I'm off to church to hope and work on making myself a more complete person entirely.
Holy Cow I'm In The Now!
It's been one of those weekends. I talked to my dad for at least an hour last night. I've had a great couple of weeks - but I think Saturday it just kind of all came tumbling down....and I don't mean like my life collapsed ...but just the high I was on, ended.
I felt REALLY lonely yesterday. I was surrounded by people but felt entirely alone. It happens to me some times. Something is clouding my thoughts right now. I know this because I've been having anxiety attacks. I keep waking up in the middle of the night and too early in the morning....with knots in my stomach and heart palpitations. I haven't felt like this since college - I don't know exactly the reason. There could be a lot of culprits. Here's what I have it narrowed down to:
1. There have been a lot of firings at work. Not that I'm on that list but it's still pretty unnerving that these people are being let go and it makes me - in some ways - concerned for my job.
2. I am stagnant. I told myself a long time ago that I wanted to go back to school for my PhD or another Masters degree. It's now been almost four years since I've been finished with my M.A. I think I'm antsy in getting to that next point in my life.
3. Going along with the second reason - my personal life has had kind of a shake up in the last few months....which is great! But, and this goes back to previous posts, I still worry that despite recent changes - I'm going to end up alone and enjoying all these wonderful things I'm doing with my life - ALL. BY. MY. SELF.
4. To tangent off of 3.....there is this guy. It's new...and part of me almost feels like it's too good to be true. He and I seem to be on the same page as far as - well - everything. There, of course, is a kink in the rope.....he lives in PA and I live in FL. Awesome.
I'm going home for Thanksgiving in less than 2 weeks and I anticipate a lot of things going on. I'm running a Half Marathon - which I'm totally stoked for btw - the run is an amazing scenic run. Yay for that. Jackie's birthday is the 24th - so obviously good times to be had by all:-) aren't they always when I go home? I'm hoping to see Netty and Reagan too - and I've made loose plans to hang out with Drew and Mike from high school...as well as a few others. Thanksgiving is most likely going to be spend at my Aunt Patty's - mmmmm butternut squash soup:-) I love home this time of year. The 10 days are sure to be packed and I guarantee lots of fun. Including actually meeting this guy for the first time.
This goes without saying - I'm nervous. Like I said, it almost seems too good to be true. I like him....a lot. And based on what I know and have heard...he likes me...a lot. All good things. So why can't you just let it be Katie????? Why can't you just go with the flow?! I wish I knew. I guess it just happens to me - I get nervous about things I am really excited about. What if he meets me and is like - you don't look anything like your pictures....or what if what we have via long distance doesn't translate in person? What if I don't like him? (which I highly doubt because - like I said - we're so on the same page).
I've been weighing a lot of options for myself. A lot. Grad school. Work. Friends. Family. Besides the fact that I've convinced Kelly to move to Florida.....I can't really leave right now. I guess part of me always thought I'd move back to the Philly area....just...kind of didn't want to believe it. I mean. It's home. I guess it's why I go back so much. I have to thank most of my friends for being there too....cause I really wouldn't go back as often if it weren't for Jackie or Netty - and of course my family - but that would most likely just be holidays (ok that's a total lie).
I love where I grew up. I loved the childhood I had. I had an awesome experience in my neighborhood. It's actually a story that I've always thought belonged in a novel or as a movie. When I describe it to people - they almost don't believe me...and really - why should they believe me? It really sounds like something someone would make up. It's definitely a story for another time....
But until then...I'm off to church to hope and work on making myself a more complete person entirely.
Holy Cow I'm In The Now!
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Oops I did it again.....
Yes...a Britney Spears song IS the title of this post. I know I know. It's a guilty pleasure - what can I say?
It does pertain to my life right now. I went out with Matt last night. I briefly mentioned him in a previous post. He's nice. He's easy to talk to. I don't know that I'm that attracted to him - but - I'm definitely going to give him a chance. I still REALLY like Brian - but I haven't heard from him since Tuesday - and granted, he's been working - and (crosses fingers) hopefully he'll call me this weekend - but I think if nothing more - Matt'd be a good guy to hang out with a few times.
I don't know. I still think I'm going to end up alone - and trying to figure out life all on my own. I've done that for the last five years - and not that I haven't grown immensely as a person - but I'm really ready to share my experiences with someone. I'd like to find that person. You know. The One.
But alas - it is the First of November and the year is almost over. Another year has come and gone with no luck with guys. I've had a lot of other successes in my life - so I really can't complain. This year has gone FAST! I've done a lot of amazing things and traveled lots of cool places. I still have a bunch more that I'd like to accomplish before the year is over...we'll see if I get them done.
The next two months are going to be BUSY! I have my Half Marathon in three weeks! Jackie's Birthday Celebration! Thanksgiving! Home for 10 days! Then back to O-town for two and a half weeks until I go back home for about 3 weeks for Christmas and New years! I think this next month is going to FLY BY! Seriously - why does time go so much faster as we get older?
The one thing I do know - is that tonight we all get an extra hour of sleep! yay for that!
I had planned on going for a long run today - but I'm going to save it for tomorrow instead. I'm going to go to the gym and do a good spinning workout. My legs have been ultra tired lately - I think I need to stretch more.
Anyway - it's a beautiful Fall day here in Sunny Orlando - I love this time of year!
It does pertain to my life right now. I went out with Matt last night. I briefly mentioned him in a previous post. He's nice. He's easy to talk to. I don't know that I'm that attracted to him - but - I'm definitely going to give him a chance. I still REALLY like Brian - but I haven't heard from him since Tuesday - and granted, he's been working - and (crosses fingers) hopefully he'll call me this weekend - but I think if nothing more - Matt'd be a good guy to hang out with a few times.
I don't know. I still think I'm going to end up alone - and trying to figure out life all on my own. I've done that for the last five years - and not that I haven't grown immensely as a person - but I'm really ready to share my experiences with someone. I'd like to find that person. You know. The One.
But alas - it is the First of November and the year is almost over. Another year has come and gone with no luck with guys. I've had a lot of other successes in my life - so I really can't complain. This year has gone FAST! I've done a lot of amazing things and traveled lots of cool places. I still have a bunch more that I'd like to accomplish before the year is over...we'll see if I get them done.
The next two months are going to be BUSY! I have my Half Marathon in three weeks! Jackie's Birthday Celebration! Thanksgiving! Home for 10 days! Then back to O-town for two and a half weeks until I go back home for about 3 weeks for Christmas and New years! I think this next month is going to FLY BY! Seriously - why does time go so much faster as we get older?
The one thing I do know - is that tonight we all get an extra hour of sleep! yay for that!
I had planned on going for a long run today - but I'm going to save it for tomorrow instead. I'm going to go to the gym and do a good spinning workout. My legs have been ultra tired lately - I think I need to stretch more.
Anyway - it's a beautiful Fall day here in Sunny Orlando - I love this time of year!
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