It's time for a change.
This blog is, after all, all about change and how life is constantly changing. Is it not?
I am not perfect. These last few months have provided me with enough evidence to show that I am not practicing what I preach. How, you might be wondering? Well - let's just say I am entirely weak when it comes to dealing with my ex-boyfriend and we will leave it at that. But I digress.....
It's time for me to actually follow the course of action I desire. Go after what I truly want and not settle for anything less until I get it. Part of putting those words into action involve a phrase that is frequently used by one of my favorite yoga instructors...."let go of that which no longer serves you. It has no purpose now. Move forward with what you know. Give. Love. Give love. Allow yourself to be open to new possibilities." Okay okay so that's not verbatim but you get the idea. Basically I have to keep away the things in my life that are damaging and hurtful - that which no longer serves my purpose.
There is a reason things end....and begin. Something must end in order for something else to begin. It's simple. It's science (ha!).
Over the course of the last (nearly) 4 years (can you believe I left Florida 4 years ago this May?!), I have learned so much about myself and my resiliency. I know what I can handle and I have also learned when and how to say no. Although my plate is full with lots of activities and work, I am grateful to have all of it. I think I rarely complain about being busy - it's in the times when I am not working or have nothing to do on a daily basis that my mind begins to wander. Maybe that's what this last week was supposed to be about?
I had recently been subbing for a teacher who was out from school because of an accident. Teaching/subbing for him was amazing. I loved every moment of it and I truly miss it. I am glad to have caught up on sleep and feel much more refreshed but I realized that I was meant to be a teacher. I truly love it. I am hopeful that something good will come along. I know it will. When I was busy, I wasn't thinking about the people or person (specifically) that I missed. There's a saying that goes something like, 'do the things you love and the rest will fall into place'. I realized that the more I did the things I loved/love (teaching/coaching), the more things just came naturally. I work hard for what I have and where I am. I am beyond grateful for each experience. So the question is, why do I keep going back to the one person that serves me no purpose anymore? Truthfully, I know - and it's for another post another time....
The intention of this post was to kind of hold myself accountable. Tomorrow is the beginning of Lent. Although I am no longer a practicing Catholic, I do often partake in the practice of giving something up for 40 days (until Easter). This year, I am giving up that which no longer serves my purpose. In other words, I am giving up that which no longer makes me happy - in all aspects of my life. I am hoping to check in daily - if not bi-daily to report on how it's going. As for the other post - that's coming. It's a doozy.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Thursday, January 31, 2013
It's a Brand New Day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97df0Q5qxa8
Watch/Listen to this - it will make you happy :-) It was just what I needed on my Pandora this morning. Isn't it great when a song comes on the radio or internet that either parallel's how you're feeling at that moment or just that kind of fits the mood that you're in? This song did that for me :-)
Anyway - it's been a hell of a week. Thankgoodness tomorrow is Friday. It hasn't been a bad week - just a busy and hectic one. Because of weather last week, our meet on Friday was moved to Monday which means we've had a meet on Monday, Wednesday and a third today. Three meets in a week are a lot and they also mean three less days without exercise. We all know how difficult it is for me to give up my daily workout but on days with meets, it's as if I am getting my own workout. They're long grueling days and I sleep so soundly on those nights. This morning, I just did not want to get out of bed. Probably also has a lot to do with the fact that its a windy/rainy/dreary morning here in Philly.
Aside from the crazy that is my work life - I am starting to get a little anxious about how much longer I have here at LM. I haven't heard anything from the teacher I am in for and I haven't heard anything from the administration either. I keep having these dreams where I am told I am staying for the rest of the year. I've had a lot of kids ask me if I am here til the end of the school year and all I can tell them is that 'I don't know'.
I suppose I should just go with the motto of the song that is currently playing on my Pandora - "Don't Worry, Be Happy". (Side note: I had this song/album on cassette tape. Yes. I did.)
Anyway...it's a brand new day....what're you doing with it?
Watch/Listen to this - it will make you happy :-) It was just what I needed on my Pandora this morning. Isn't it great when a song comes on the radio or internet that either parallel's how you're feeling at that moment or just that kind of fits the mood that you're in? This song did that for me :-)
Anyway - it's been a hell of a week. Thankgoodness tomorrow is Friday. It hasn't been a bad week - just a busy and hectic one. Because of weather last week, our meet on Friday was moved to Monday which means we've had a meet on Monday, Wednesday and a third today. Three meets in a week are a lot and they also mean three less days without exercise. We all know how difficult it is for me to give up my daily workout but on days with meets, it's as if I am getting my own workout. They're long grueling days and I sleep so soundly on those nights. This morning, I just did not want to get out of bed. Probably also has a lot to do with the fact that its a windy/rainy/dreary morning here in Philly.
Aside from the crazy that is my work life - I am starting to get a little anxious about how much longer I have here at LM. I haven't heard anything from the teacher I am in for and I haven't heard anything from the administration either. I keep having these dreams where I am told I am staying for the rest of the year. I've had a lot of kids ask me if I am here til the end of the school year and all I can tell them is that 'I don't know'.
I suppose I should just go with the motto of the song that is currently playing on my Pandora - "Don't Worry, Be Happy". (Side note: I had this song/album on cassette tape. Yes. I did.)
Anyway...it's a brand new day....what're you doing with it?
Friday, January 25, 2013
Content
The beginning of 2013 has been a whirlwind! To say the very least.....
Jan 2 I got a phone call from LM asking me to take a 6 week assignment for a teacher who was in a bike accident. um....HELL YES I WILL DO THIS!
Needless to say, I have been teaching and planning and loving life ever since! I only wish I could stay longer and I am trying to not think about when my time will be up as I am still not certain. I am hoping for at least 3 more weeks. My bank acct/bills will be happy and so will I.
In the mean time - my New Years was fabulous in so many ways. It was a nice upswing from the sad/teary-eyed Christmas I couldn't seem to get through. Seeing my therapist just after Christmas helped and I recently saw her. She agreed that the decisions I have been making are the steps in the right directions.
I've even lessened my load this Spring. Remember that crazy/hectic schedule I wrote out not too long ago? Well - the fact of the matter is - I am no longer working at Cabrini (because I am teaching), I am not teaching morning Spin (because I am teaching), and I am not working at Montco THIS SEMESTER (I will be back in the Fall - enrollment was down for the Spring so they were going to cancel my classes anyway). I decided (in regards to Montco) that if I was going to do something and do it well instead of half-assed, I should give it my all. I am definitely not complaining. Sure, the money would be nice but I am doing alright at the moment.
I am still teaching spin 2-3 times a week, coaching high school swimming (for at least another month - although that is dwindling too), and coaching and teaching lessons on Saturdays. For now, this is plenty for me. I am happy. And although I don't have much of a social life to boast about - there are times when it is much better than it's ever been.
I am still working on being happy in the moments and not being so concerned with what ifs or what was. I try to get on my yoga mat at least twice a week - it makes a big difference. I am also running more frequently and am really happy with myself about all of it.
As I was proctoring my last midterm this morning I finally realized....I am very lucky. My sister just lost her job and here I am working and flourishing. Things could be a lot worse. I have an amazing support group of friends and family. I might not always be the best at getting back to everyone but I am trying my best every day and that's really all I can do...that's all any of us can do.
My ultimate goal is, obviously, to get a full time teaching job....in the mean time, I am enjoying this opportunity for what it's worth and doing everything I can to get noticed here. Fingers crossed it leads to something really good :-)
I am content.
Jan 2 I got a phone call from LM asking me to take a 6 week assignment for a teacher who was in a bike accident. um....HELL YES I WILL DO THIS!
Needless to say, I have been teaching and planning and loving life ever since! I only wish I could stay longer and I am trying to not think about when my time will be up as I am still not certain. I am hoping for at least 3 more weeks. My bank acct/bills will be happy and so will I.
In the mean time - my New Years was fabulous in so many ways. It was a nice upswing from the sad/teary-eyed Christmas I couldn't seem to get through. Seeing my therapist just after Christmas helped and I recently saw her. She agreed that the decisions I have been making are the steps in the right directions.
I've even lessened my load this Spring. Remember that crazy/hectic schedule I wrote out not too long ago? Well - the fact of the matter is - I am no longer working at Cabrini (because I am teaching), I am not teaching morning Spin (because I am teaching), and I am not working at Montco THIS SEMESTER (I will be back in the Fall - enrollment was down for the Spring so they were going to cancel my classes anyway). I decided (in regards to Montco) that if I was going to do something and do it well instead of half-assed, I should give it my all. I am definitely not complaining. Sure, the money would be nice but I am doing alright at the moment.
I am still teaching spin 2-3 times a week, coaching high school swimming (for at least another month - although that is dwindling too), and coaching and teaching lessons on Saturdays. For now, this is plenty for me. I am happy. And although I don't have much of a social life to boast about - there are times when it is much better than it's ever been.
I am still working on being happy in the moments and not being so concerned with what ifs or what was. I try to get on my yoga mat at least twice a week - it makes a big difference. I am also running more frequently and am really happy with myself about all of it.
As I was proctoring my last midterm this morning I finally realized....I am very lucky. My sister just lost her job and here I am working and flourishing. Things could be a lot worse. I have an amazing support group of friends and family. I might not always be the best at getting back to everyone but I am trying my best every day and that's really all I can do...that's all any of us can do.
My ultimate goal is, obviously, to get a full time teaching job....in the mean time, I am enjoying this opportunity for what it's worth and doing everything I can to get noticed here. Fingers crossed it leads to something really good :-)
I am content.
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