Every long lost dream led me to where you are....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

~ Rascal Flatts
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This has been an AMAZING trip home so far. Seriously people. I think it's by far and away one of, if not, THE best trip I've had home in a long LONG time. And I've certainly had some doozies:-)

So let's see, where do I begin?

Well....my surprise was SO successful:-) I kind of pride myself on being a good surpriser - and sure enough - I did my job again:-) He was so surprised.....definitely caught off guard to say the least:-) And the first meeting, was amazing. It was as if we'd been like that all the time. It was awesome. I think....well....I hate to jinx it but...it's good:-) I'm happy - and I haven't been this happy in a long time....

Don't get me wrong - I'm happy with my life. I have an amazing life. I'm lucky that the events of my life have gotten me to this point. I have an awesome job....kickass friends...I live in the sunshine state...and I am healthy...well. .....for the most part. I'll get to that.

Other awesome things since I've been home - I've spent time with both Netty and Jacks. Lunch and a movie with Netster and and Breakfast and Dinner with Jacks for her Bday! We're all going out this coming Saturday to celebrate accordingly:-) I was just telling her the other night - I can't believe we've been best friends in Junior year of high school! I am so thankful for it - for her - the friendship we have - -and everything that goes along with it. It's important to have friends you can talk to the way we talk to each other:-) Haha - even at 7AM ;-) LOL! I love my friends:-)

I've also spent some time with my grandmom - which was pretty cool actually. In the last few years - I've purposely told myself that I want to be an ACTIVE part of my grandparents lives. I love them very much. Kelly and I were the first grandkids. We kind of got spoiled because the next grandkids weren't born until I was 9. So we had them all to ourselves for awhile. I also think it's pretty important to get to know the people who knew you when you were younger. I honestly believe they can keep you grounded and not lose sight of who you are and what your aspirations SHOULD be versus what you want them to be. I don't mean to stop dreaming for high aspirations but some times people get SO caught up in "things" and "materials" that they forget to BE. I WANT to know my grandparents. I want to hear stories about their lives. I think they're pretty cool people. I only wish I had started earlier. I just know that I don't want to be one of those relatives that ends up at the funeral (god forbid) and not know anything about them. I want to be able to remember my grandparents for who they are/were. Which, is....pretty cool people...even if Z is pretty stubborn.

So I spent some time with gamma - and I've spent more time with Ben than I thought I would - but - to be honest - I like it - I don't think I would if I didn't like it. It's just - I said something the other day when I was on the phone with him about "coming home" after doing a few things...and it was in reference to his apartment. I guess my subconscious agrees that it feels just like that when I'm with him. It's amazing how good it feels. Word don't even do it justice. We also went to the zoo! I haven't been to the zoo in years! We saw PENGIES!:-) yay!:-D

My Race!!!! ZOMGOODNESS!! BEST RACE EVER! I am SO doing it again next year! And I already signed up for my next one - Disney Princess Half Marathon in March. I am stoked for it. I really did like the Philly Half though - maybe next year I'll be ready for a full??? We'll see. But I'm definitely looking at some cool places to run next year. There's this awesome Half in london - Royal Parks Run - It runs all through the Parks in london - I am hoping I get picked - I put my name in for registration so here's hoping! Cross your fingers for me! I also looked at one in Kauai, Hawaii for next September...but that might be a bit much as far as money and stuff - it'd be nice to go with someone - but everything is pretty expensive - so we'll see. ANYWAY! Back to THIS race - I dropped my time by 10 Minutes! My goal is still to get until 2 hours at some point - maybe I can get close in March. Eventually - I would like to do a Marathon - and finish in under 4 hours - if I can finish the half in under 2 I should be able to finish the Full in under 4 right? Suuuuuuure ha:-)

What else? Oh - health wise - well the dr here seems to think I have Acute IBD - which is just awesome. My tummy's been really weird since I've been home. Haven't been able to eat normally in weeks. I still have some issues with it all - but I have to get a colonoscopy when I come back home for Xmas time. awesome. yeah. But - it's to make sure nothing else is wrong with me..cause a lot of my symptoms are also symptoms for something worse (yikes - and I'm not going to write it - you can do the research yourself). Anyway - I'm trying to stay positive. I AM A HEALTHY AND HAPPY INDIVIDUAL! :-D

As for Turkey Day - I'm heading up to Ben's house for the holiday! !!!!!!! I know! I'm pretty flattered that he wants his parents to meet me. It's been a long time since I've met anyone's parents - ok - a guy's parents. I'm not gonna lie people - I'm nervous. I'm sure I'll be fine but, you know...you never know.

OH! Side note - so awhile ago I did something to help out Derek.....told him to give me a call when he was home for the holiday (this past week)...found out why he didn't. Haha. He had his girlfriend with him. It's cool. I'm sure he didn't want her to feel weird or inferior or anything:-) haha. I mean - I am pretty awesome. lol:-) No just kidding...............but not really:-) haha

alrighty - I think that's long enough of a diatribe for right now. I'm sure there'll be more in a day or two.

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!! GOBBLE GOBBLE!

if I could tell the world just one thing...it would be, we're all okay...

I'll admit it - I look through gossip magazines. I look at the gossip online too. But I don't do it for the "gossip" persay - moreso because I am genuinely interested in people. I've always like getting to know new people....and so when I read those magazines about actors/actresses/etc...I often sit there and wonder - would I be friends with them? Because really - ANYONE can be an actor or an actress - or famous. I mean - there are thousands of people who became famous simply because of their friends or people they married. What was Anna Nicole Smith before she married that old man? And while that's the best example I can give you off the top of my head - I know there are plenty of other people out there that were once not famous and then magically became the spotlight of "hollywood"

Personally - I feel bad for them. I think it's sad that so many people (paparazzi) think it's so much more important to have a certain picture or look or whathaveyou. I'm sure there are plenty of celebrities that feed off the attention - who wouldn't? When you're given attention for a significant amount of time - you almost start to crave it all the time. It's why there are so many young girls that throw themselves at guys ....it's why there are so many people out there that do the wrong things with the wrong motives.

In church this past Sunday - Reverend Alice was talking about how our society has things mixed up. We have the notion of - "Have. Do. Be.".....when it clearly is "Be. Do. Have." Because really - and we all know it's true - all the money in the world can't make you a complete person. What good are you to people if you can't "be" yourself, if you can't "be" who you truly are. And thereby continuing on to "do" for others as you would want done for you if you couldn't. Its the nature of being a compassionate person. And of course - finally - by opening yourself up to peace and happiness and helping - it's returned in which you "have".

I think too often people lose sight of the fact that you need to "be. do. have." I do some times I know - but I also realize there are some people that will never grasp this concept. That's ok. Honestly - I'm pretty simplistic. Yeah, I like "things" but - truthfully - if all I had was my friends and family - I'd be totally ok with that. Because they are what help to make me "be". They make me want to "do" for others. And because of that - I have some of the best friends and family anyone could ask for!

I can only hope that the celebrities have those moments too.

Everything:-)

You're a falling star, You're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you're the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.

And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're every song, and I sing along.
'Cause you're my everything.
Yeah, yeah

So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La

~Michael Buble
___________________________________________

Most you know - if not yet, then you do now - the song above - is my favorite song. It always makes me happy, it always makes me smile. It picks me up after a bad day or just starts my day off right when I've woken up on the wrong side of the bed. I know a lot of people think he's a weirdo - but it's not even about the person that sings the song - it's about the words.

I forget when it was, but a few years ago...I actually started listening to the words of songs. Weird right? Yeah - well I've been called worse. I was just listening to music blindly I suppose. Ok maybe it was longer than a few years ago - probably in college....freshman year I figure. Netty was all about lyrics and so I started to really listen to the words that were being said. I guess it was at that time that I started associating songs with people and memories. Again, I know - weird - considering when I was younger I would sing every day in my mom's car. And not that those songs we listened to don't hold some kind of significance or memory with my childhood friends...but still...now I didn't know (at the time) what the words were to the songs we were singing (if that makes any sense).

So where am I going with this? Well....I've been writing this blog for so long - I don't remember if I've written a post that relates songs with people I know/memories...but it got me thinking....I wonder how many songs really remind me of people? At the time of the song - it takes you to a certain place and memory but at the moment the songs escape me....

I guess I should listen to my music?

I think the other thing that amazes me is how I remember the lyrics to these songs. It's not even like I struggle to remember the words....I just...know them. And the fact that my memories with these songs are SO vivid. Like I remember exactly everything. Weird right?

Hrmm...I won't go into details but rather just who it reminds me of.

I guess I should start with the obvious:
~Amazed by Lonestar - We all know who this reminds me of. And that pretty much goes for any STP song too.
~Any Tom Jones song - reminds me of Ryan Schuiling - haha - greatest hits CD that he burned for me:-) LOL - he is like the epitome of Tom Jones haha - minus the flock of ladies following him around him. HAHA - Rydog Jones - :-) Awww I miss grad school.
~Any Dave Matthews Song - with exception of one - Simon - for obvious reasons - obsess much?:-)
~Phil Collins: Against All Odds and The Beatles: We Can Work It Out - I always ALWAYS think of my parents for these songs. I remember both of these songs playing at concerts and being with my parents in the ending days of their marriage. I think these songs really and truly made me realize that they were done. It was pretty hard for me.
~Any Janet Jackson Song/Paula Abdul Song - Rachel and I making up our dances by the side of my house "just for fun" - haha - wow - not to self - burn tape dad has of me dancing when I was 10.
~Billy Joel/Elton John/Madonna/St. Peppers Album - Fur and the red convertible (my mom's) - the drives to my grandmom's house every day in the summer(s) between the ages of 10 and 14.
~So Fresh, So Clean - David Jeffrey Bone - haha - it was his ring tone for the two years I was in grad school:-) haha - aww david....so young...
~Long and Winding Road: The Beatles - my mom - it was her HS prom song - I'll never forget her telling me that and the fact that I realized how old my mom was:-) haha
~Down On The Corner: CCR - this old little tape player - I forget what they were called but they were like mini 8 tracks - and the group that sang it wasn't CCR but I just remember using that thing ALL the time.
~Girls Lie Too: Terri Clark - my second year at grad school - I hung out with a lot of country kids that summer - yeah - wow
~My Happy Ending: Avril Lavigne - Sitting in my Acura at the corner of Bellfield Road and Mission at the light across from the Gas Station and the Kroger shopping center and thinking about all the things that had gone wrong to that point in my life.
~The Anthem: Good Charlotte - working out at the gym at LaSalle on a rainy day when I was THE ONLY one there - right after my AM classes in the Comm center.
~Sell Out: Reel Big Fish - Chella and I at all our RBF concerts and the guys we'd meet there - haha SEAN! - skank circles (not what you think!) - and milano cookies from WAWA at 11PM - awwww I miss high school!
~Call and Answer: Barenaked Ladies - Allan - despite all the crap that went down. He was there when I really needed someone - and would still be in a heartbeat.
~Millenium: Robbie Williams - HAHA! OMG this reminds me of watching VH1 videos in the morning before I left to walk to HS/Drive to HS. OMGoodness. wow. just wow.
~Any Garth Brooks Song - His concert that was FREAKING AMAZING - in high school with my sister and her bff Tara - 3 hour performance - totally rockin! I was a fan for life after that.
~Teenage Dirtbag: Wheatus - there was this guy, Ray, on our swim team in college - he was like OBSESSED with this song - and it kind of described him to a tee too. Haha - wow - Albright Swimming! Simply Shocking!
~It's My Life: Jon Bon Jovi - Senior Year at LaSalle. After derek and I broke up - I listened to this song A LOT - especially when I was working out.
~Love Story:Taylor Swift - :-) Awwww - Bennie - mainly because he really likes it - and every time I hear it I think of him listening to it:-)
~Pippin - TJ - senior week - him breaking his wrist - us watching it while icing his hand. Awww college.
~Sunday Bloody Sunday: U2 - well really any U2 song - My dad - for obvious reasons - if you don't understand this you don't know me all that well.
~Closer: NIN - Kelly actually, because I remember driving home from Lifeguarding one day and she like blasted this song - she was having a bad day - but - still - weird association
~Won't Get Fooled Again: The Who - Memorial Day BBQ'S!!!!!!
~Any Indigo Girls Song - The swamp ophelia tour concert I went with my dad, jo and kelly. It was our first concert together and our first "family" moment. I cry every time I hear Galileo.


Alright I figure thats enough for now:-) If you're still reading - thanks for stickin it out!

Pour me something tall and strong, make it a hurricane before I go insane...

It's only half past 12 but I don't care...it's five o'clock somewhere:-)

It's true! Haha - even if it is only 7:43 in the morning.

Lots of things going through my mind today. I was WIDE AWAKE at 6 AM this morning. I consider this an accomplishment because this is the first time all week I've woken up that much earlier than my alarm....last week is was at least an hour or two. So yay for that.

I've got a lot of things on my mind lately. Work. Future. Money. The norm. But really, I'm VERY excited for this upcoming trip home. I can't wait to see my cousins, I can't wait to see my family. My mom finally called yesterday and told me she got the flowers I sent:-) yay. She said she left them at school so everyone could ooo and ahhh at them. Sometimes - I am definitely my mother's daughter. Cause that's exactly what I'd do too! I love flowers. They're just so happy:-) I'm a big flower sender (if I can). It just makes people happy. You know, you send them, they see them, if they're good flowers they last awhile...and people ask...ooo, where'd you get the pretty flowers. It lets other people know someone loves you/cares. Ya know? Maybe it's just me.....but I'm pretty sure it's not.

It's amazing how the littlest things can make us so happy or sad. But it's how we choose to interpret those things that alter our moods entirely. I know - I've been extremely susceptible to this...in the past and now. But the one that make us sublimely happy - are the ones we seem to search for forever...I guess that's why people say, it's the little things that make us happy:-)

My latest "little thing" is something that I've known for awhile with me....but this morning I had a ,"Holy Cow I'm In The Now" moment. Basically, I was in the moment with myself with a complete realization. I sing along with EVERY SONG in my car. It's the days that I don't sing....those are bad. There are certain levels to my car singing too..allow me to interpret (how much of a dork am I?):

Normal/Happy Katie - Singing along with every song that comes on - and if I don't know it - I change it to one I do know:-)
EXTREMELY HAPPY Katie - Singing LOUDLY (possibly obnoxiously) to the music and probably even with the windows down - this is usually only on I-4 but sometimes around town:-)
Bleh Katie - usually finding the right song can put me back to Normal/Happy Katie - but generally - this is when I sing along but totally halfassed and/or try to find someone to call on my ride so I don't have to listen to music
Pissed Off Katie - listening to Linkin Park/Limp Bizkit/Ludacris/DMX - or any heavy rock/rap/metal - oh yeah and Metallica - they're good to release anger.
Beyond Pissed/Worst Day Ever Katie - no music - nothing - driving in complete silence. This one doesn't happen that often - but when it does - it's straight to the gym to release some pent up anger and frustrations.

Hah - wow I'm a weirdo. Well whatever - you don't have to like it - it's my blog:-)

I don't want a lot for Christmas...

There is just one thing I need. i don't care about the presents underneath the christmas tree. I just want you for my own. More than you could ever know. Make my wish come truuuuuuue. All I want for Christmas....iiiiiiiiiis YOUUUUUUUUUU

THIS (see below) makes me excited for christmas! Is it wrong that materialistic commercials make me excited to see snow!? Haha ENJOY!

She's got electric boots....

A Mohair suit....You know I read it in a Magaziiiiiine, oh oh...B-b-b-benny and the jetssssssssss.

Every time I hear this song....I can only think of Fur in the back of my mom's convertible on our way to my grandmom's pool in the summer time.....oh those were the days:-)

Wow - complete coincidence....that this song actually reminds me of my childhood...and of course...of someone else (by name only of course).

------------------------------------

So I had the most horrible run last night - I mean - worst run to date - but I have to admit, there were a few highlights(me trying to find positives in everything!). Namely, the way certain parts of the run made me feel and reminded me of things from my childhood.

At about mile 4 or so, the smell of freshly cut grass and the humidity mixed together - reminded me of the evening practices we used to have in high school for field hockey. Oh how I DO NOT miss those....especially since they were usually the second practice of the day and I was already exhuastified from the three hour morning practice in the unbelieveable heat. Bleh. But somehow, I still get kind of reminiscent of the entire experience. Some of the practices were really fun - and Sophomore year/initiation - I'll never forget doing that dance infront of the entire football team. Yikes.

Around mile 5, it started to rain...and not too heavily but enough to soak my shoes (which added to the disdainment of the run - I hate having soggy shoes)....but running in the rain reminded me of the time I actually used to like being outside in the rain. When we were little, me and my friends/neighbors would go outside and put soap in the puddles in front of our houses. We'd walk around the cul-de-sac without shoes on (because apparently we believed that since it was raining our feet were totally safe from rocks and whatnot). We'd run around trying to get each other totally soaking wet - and of course - we'd be successful.....or rather, they'd be successful to get me completely drenched. I was the ONLY girl that went out in the rain.....I guess that's what happens when all the kids in the circle are boys.

Toward the end of the run (I believe I only clocked 7.5 yesterday) - I just started remembering the childhood I had. I seriously was so lucky. Yeah - my parents are divorced (which, who knew at the time it'd be pretty normal now) - but really - I couldn'tve asked for a better place to grow up. Entire neighborhood BBQ's for all summer holidays - camp outs in Sherri's backyard - randy and fur being my best friends and knowing that now, they're the only ones that truly understand how much these things mean.

Every single one of us (with the exception of Ryan - but he didn't really grow up with the rest of us being that he's like 15 years younger than most of us), is over 21 now...it's weird to think that way. Part of me feels like it was just the other day when we were playing run the bases on the side of my house....or king of the hill on the green box that we weren't supposed to be anywhere near (it's an electrical box)....or me organizing the Aster Lane Olympics/School/Races/etc. Man. It was awesome. And so now, whenever I go home....we all try to get together and hang out (and drink of course)...it's amazing how in just a few instants...we're right back to, "Fur remember this time when you and Randy were in a fight....(which was a lot)"...or "Jason, remember when you tripped on a pillow and broke your leg?".....or "Katie remember how every time we'd play a game you'd go home and cry?" (again, a downfall of being the only girl in the neighborhood).....or "Glenn remember how you used to always try and make us give you something so we could use your hockey goals to play roller hockey?"....awwww I miss them. I'm hoping to hang out with them this winter - if not over Thanksgiving, definitely Christmas time.

Like I said - we're all grown up....here's what (as far as I know) everyone is up to at the moment:
Michael - works for the government (something top secret)
Tim - Minister
Fur(christopher) - Cop/undercover investigator
Randy - who knows - but I know he's getting his MBA
Andrew - Law school (last I checked)
Jason - really good job in Millersville - again - as far as I know
Kelly - working at CCS in LA (soon to move to FLA!)
Me - Freelance TV producing at TGC
KC - Nursing School
Glenn - Electrician
Rachel - Special Education Teacher/Mother
Kim - Teacher in LA
Kris - stay at home mom
Ryan - still in high school

Wow. Just wow. The original Aster Lane gang. I miss those days. I'll have to scan some pics when I'm home in Philly and put them up - we sure did have some adventures:-)

Being good isn't always easy.....

no matter how hard I try.....

Ah, Dusty Springfield :-) Nothing like a little "Son of A Preacherman"

So I was perusing my usual blogs this morning and came across one of my faves, Half Of Me. Jeannette Fulda is awesome. I bought her book and read it like - in two hours - it was that good and funny:-) But so she was talking about her 10 year high school reunion. And it got me thinking about mine.

Apparently - our 10 year reunion is this month - of course - I graduated in 1999....so I was a little confused as to why we were having it now. I haven't recieved an invitation or anything - I think it's more like - hey - just spread word of mouth - everyone is meeting in this spot on this night - if you're home - awesome - if not - sucks to be you! Yeah. Lame. I know. I honestly don't really care all that much about it. I'd be more interested to see people at the 20th HS Reunion anyway. I mean - sure 10 years out of high school, people change but really, I think the older we get the more interesting we get. Although, that could just be me.

Nevertheless - I was thinking about something Jeannette talked about. The most common question people will ask is "What're you doing with yourself or what have you done in the last 10 years?" or some question along those lines..and she came up with the brilliant idea of trying to say it all in less than 100 characters....yep characters, not words. So I wondered if I could do it....

In the last 10 years I:
Went to college, moved, grad school, news produced, moved, moved, golf channel, traveled.

That's 89 characters. I realize it doesn't totally give a complete description of all I've done in the last 10 years - but those are the major bullet points. And I suppose others will have "marriage" or "had kid" in theirs - as there are quite a few people I went to high school with that are now married and/or have kid(s). Which is awesome. I'm happy for them as long as their happy.

I used to think that was it. I used to believe that I was supposed to go to college - I'd meet (or in my case - continue to date) the person I was gonna get married to. Get a job after school, get married, get a house..then maybe wait a few years and have my first kid. All before it was my 10 year HS reunion. I really did. But - things just don't work out that way some times, do they? I honestly - I want all those things - but I am grateful for the curveball that I've been thrown when it comes to my life. I think this can completely relate to the previous post about being grateful for the things I have.

Sure, I don't have a husband or kids...but I will one day. Sure, I'm not making 100K a year - but who is? (and there's always time for that). Sure, I'm not even remotely close to any of those things - but - I've done SO MUCH with my life - and I'm only 27. That's it! 27. It's freakin' awesome! I got so lucky with the parents I have. I am fortunate to never be without - and I always have love from them. I have great friends who're going through life in the same way....similar stories...and I hope they are proud of all they've accomplished too!

The thing is - I do have some friends that look at me and the life I have and are just like, "what? you mean you don't even have a boyfriend? I don't understand that. I don't get that. You're such a great girl. What happened? Did someone hurt you? Are you too demanding?" And I just LAUGH! Hahahahahaha:-)

I don't normally have a response to those questions because most of the time when I do get presented with them I simply say, "Nope. hey maybe you can work on that for me!" Haha.

Of course - me saying all this implies I don't care about it. Which, if you've read any of my previous posts - you know - I do care. And even a few paragraphs earlier. I want all of that. I just know it'll happen in time. I have moments of anxiety where I freak out and want to know when it'll happen and why it hasn't happened yet. But then I remember....because I'm only opening up my life for certain things right now.

.....the boyfriend thing.....well....who knows:-) But what I do know - is that things aren't always as bad as we some times think they are....and I'm pretty damn proud of the "less than 100 characters describing the last 10 years of my life":-)

Four Score and Seven Years Ago....

"Let us have faith that right makes might, and in that faith, let us, to the end, dare to do our duty as we understand it."~Abraham Lincoln

If you can't guess already (as this is my second post in less than 4 hours) - church was really good today. It was REALLY good. We had an awesome speaker who talked about three main things...all of which are my goals this week.

1. Letting go of attachments.

2. Do Not Worry

3. Letting go of judgements.

The second one is one I know I DEFINITELY need to work on - and as is said - it's one of my three goals this week. The idea is that if you let go of these things, you will become open to good things...if you believe and open yourself up to good things happening - it will.

That being said - he also talked about looking back on your life and looking at your current life and thinking about all the things you are grateful for. Everything that you have and can say, I am blessed, I am good. I don't need to worry or judge or hold on to things that make it difficult for the good to get in.....because with the worry interferes with God's ability to send you good thoughts and love.

Also - if anyone who's reading this knows me - which I would assume you do cause there aren't too many people that know about this blog - I realize all this talk about god is abnormal for me. I've never really considered myself religious on account of the events that happened with my parents and the forcefulness of catholicism into my life growing up - but this new church is awesome - and I love that it's helping me become a better person:-)

Anyway - going back to my good thoughts - one of the ideas of thinking about the good things in my life was to write it all down - and what better place for it to be listed than here:-) So, here goes!

I Am Grateful For:
- My family
- My Health
- Intelligence
- Friends
- Being able to walk, talk, read, write, and listen
- The ability for people to turn to me for help
- Having the ability to help others
- Knowing that I am stronger than I actually think I do
- Music
- Pictures
- Memories
- Sunshine and Rainy Days
- Sports
- The ability to play sports
- Kindness
- Snow in winter time
- Airplanes that allow me to go home and visit friends and family
- The money that enables me to travel and pay for things
- My job and my abilities to do my job well
......


I am sure there are plenty more that I am grateful for - but right now - I'm glad my list looks the way it does:-)

Happy Thoughts, Let go of attachment, let go of judgement......DO NOT WORRY!

and I ache to remember...

all the violent, sweet words that you said....

It's been one of those weekends. I talked to my dad for at least an hour last night. I've had a great couple of weeks - but I think Saturday it just kind of all came tumbling down....and I don't mean like my life collapsed ...but just the high I was on, ended.

I felt REALLY lonely yesterday. I was surrounded by people but felt entirely alone. It happens to me some times. Something is clouding my thoughts right now. I know this because I've been having anxiety attacks. I keep waking up in the middle of the night and too early in the morning....with knots in my stomach and heart palpitations. I haven't felt like this since college - I don't know exactly the reason. There could be a lot of culprits. Here's what I have it narrowed down to:

1. There have been a lot of firings at work. Not that I'm on that list but it's still pretty unnerving that these people are being let go and it makes me - in some ways - concerned for my job.

2. I am stagnant. I told myself a long time ago that I wanted to go back to school for my PhD or another Masters degree. It's now been almost four years since I've been finished with my M.A. I think I'm antsy in getting to that next point in my life.

3. Going along with the second reason - my personal life has had kind of a shake up in the last few months....which is great! But, and this goes back to previous posts, I still worry that despite recent changes - I'm going to end up alone and enjoying all these wonderful things I'm doing with my life - ALL. BY. MY. SELF.

4. To tangent off of 3.....there is this guy. It's new...and part of me almost feels like it's too good to be true. He and I seem to be on the same page as far as - well - everything. There, of course, is a kink in the rope.....he lives in PA and I live in FL. Awesome.

I'm going home for Thanksgiving in less than 2 weeks and I anticipate a lot of things going on. I'm running a Half Marathon - which I'm totally stoked for btw - the run is an amazing scenic run. Yay for that. Jackie's birthday is the 24th - so obviously good times to be had by all:-) aren't they always when I go home? I'm hoping to see Netty and Reagan too - and I've made loose plans to hang out with Drew and Mike from high school...as well as a few others. Thanksgiving is most likely going to be spend at my Aunt Patty's - mmmmm butternut squash soup:-) I love home this time of year. The 10 days are sure to be packed and I guarantee lots of fun. Including actually meeting this guy for the first time.

This goes without saying - I'm nervous. Like I said, it almost seems too good to be true. I like him....a lot. And based on what I know and have heard...he likes me...a lot. All good things. So why can't you just let it be Katie????? Why can't you just go with the flow?! I wish I knew. I guess it just happens to me - I get nervous about things I am really excited about. What if he meets me and is like - you don't look anything like your pictures....or what if what we have via long distance doesn't translate in person? What if I don't like him? (which I highly doubt because - like I said - we're so on the same page).

I've been weighing a lot of options for myself. A lot. Grad school. Work. Friends. Family. Besides the fact that I've convinced Kelly to move to Florida.....I can't really leave right now. I guess part of me always thought I'd move back to the Philly area....just...kind of didn't want to believe it. I mean. It's home. I guess it's why I go back so much. I have to thank most of my friends for being there too....cause I really wouldn't go back as often if it weren't for Jackie or Netty - and of course my family - but that would most likely just be holidays (ok that's a total lie).

I love where I grew up. I loved the childhood I had. I had an awesome experience in my neighborhood. It's actually a story that I've always thought belonged in a novel or as a movie. When I describe it to people - they almost don't believe me...and really - why should they believe me? It really sounds like something someone would make up. It's definitely a story for another time....

But until then...I'm off to church to hope and work on making myself a more complete person entirely.

Holy Cow I'm In The Now!

Oops I did it again.....

Yes...a Britney Spears song IS the title of this post. I know I know. It's a guilty pleasure - what can I say?

It does pertain to my life right now. I went out with Matt last night. I briefly mentioned him in a previous post. He's nice. He's easy to talk to. I don't know that I'm that attracted to him - but - I'm definitely going to give him a chance. I still REALLY like Brian - but I haven't heard from him since Tuesday - and granted, he's been working - and (crosses fingers) hopefully he'll call me this weekend - but I think if nothing more - Matt'd be a good guy to hang out with a few times.

I don't know. I still think I'm going to end up alone - and trying to figure out life all on my own. I've done that for the last five years - and not that I haven't grown immensely as a person - but I'm really ready to share my experiences with someone. I'd like to find that person. You know. The One.

But alas - it is the First of November and the year is almost over. Another year has come and gone with no luck with guys. I've had a lot of other successes in my life - so I really can't complain. This year has gone FAST! I've done a lot of amazing things and traveled lots of cool places. I still have a bunch more that I'd like to accomplish before the year is over...we'll see if I get them done.

The next two months are going to be BUSY! I have my Half Marathon in three weeks! Jackie's Birthday Celebration! Thanksgiving! Home for 10 days! Then back to O-town for two and a half weeks until I go back home for about 3 weeks for Christmas and New years! I think this next month is going to FLY BY! Seriously - why does time go so much faster as we get older?

The one thing I do know - is that tonight we all get an extra hour of sleep! yay for that!

I had planned on going for a long run today - but I'm going to save it for tomorrow instead. I'm going to go to the gym and do a good spinning workout. My legs have been ultra tired lately - I think I need to stretch more.

Anyway - it's a beautiful Fall day here in Sunny Orlando - I love this time of year!